Would I be running away from the problem?
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Navigation »Talk About Marriage »Focused Topics »Coping with Infidelity » Would I be running away from the problem?

Coping with Infidelity Relationship recovery from the destructiveness of infidelity.

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Old 03-02-2012, 11:46 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Default Would I be running away from the problem?

I found out about my hubands A on Feb 27th, so everything is still pretty fresh. Since my realization he has been going through a mental health crisis and is currently living with his parents and seeing a psychiatrist who has repeatedly recommended that he be hospitalized although he has been able to rationalize to the Dr. why he is safe to be at home (i disagree on this point and think that the energy I am putting into worrying about his safety could be better put to use dealing with my own emotions right now!! - but thats a whole other discussion for another time)

My Dr. has put me off work for a week. I can't even begin to fathom being ready to go back by then. I have spent a lot of time today thinking about getting away from our hometown for a while... not necessarily making a move towards a D or R really... just getting a break for myself by travelling or taking a travel contract for work in another country (im a health care professional). To do either of these things I would have to leave my job. Am I rushing things?? I feel like I have spent the last 7 years making decisions that revolved around us as a couple (ie. we live in his families hometown and i went back to school to be able to get a job here).

Or am I totally just running away from my issues?
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Old 03-02-2012, 11:59 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: Would I be running away from the problem?

When someone cheats on you , it is always a legitimate reason to divorce. Always.

You can stay and try to trust them again, but that is going above and beyond what is expected or in many peoples eyes reasonable.
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Old 03-03-2012, 12:01 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: Would I be running away from the problem?

Sounds to me like you need this break. Sounds to me like it may be the best thing you could do right now..so that you can have some you time to really get your head togethr and figure out where you should go from here.
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Old 03-03-2012, 12:18 AM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: Would I be running away from the problem?

It is good to take some time off, for anyone in your position. If you can afford it, why not try it.

Do you need to leave your job for "taking off" for 7 days? I understand you are a health care professional.

Is this the first time in your marriage you came to know about A? Did it come all of a sudden?
Weren't you seeing it coming?
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Old 03-03-2012, 12:18 AM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: Would I be running away from the problem?

If you take another job that requires you to go to another country away from you husand, then you have decided to not recover your marriage.

I completely understand your desire to run away from this mess. I had similar feelings.. I do right now with the problems I'm having in my marriage.

You can always make the decision to take another job and travel. But if you leave now you will lose a window of opportunity to make a decision with a clear mind. Were I you I would give myself a bit more time to get a clear head to decide what I want.


Another issues that just came to mind is that if you are like I was you will have a huge problem with performing at your job for a few months. If you are working with people who care some about you, who have known you for some time they might understand where your head is at.

If you start a new job and are in this mind set you could very well be fired for poor performance. There was no way I could have started and kept a new job in the first year after I orginally discovered my husband's affairs.
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Old 03-03-2012, 12:44 AM   #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: Would I be running away from the problem?

I am a marriage counselor and owner of The Marriage and Family Clinic in Denver, CO I ALWAYS tell my clients not to make any big, life changing decisions within a month after discovering an affair (i.e. making an instant decision to D or S) Why? Because emotions are too raw and heated and your mind is too jumbled. In other words, you may look back and regret your decisions. Having an affair is a legitimate reason for divorce but you could save yourself a lot of years of your life and a lot of money by working through it.

If you feel you need to take a break for a bit to clear your head then do it! a vacation or business trip would be perfect. Whether or not you're running away from your issues depends on your intent in getting away. IF your going away to avoid the embarassment, shame, and thought of your husband having an affair then yes, you're running away. If you're going away to clear your head so that you can think more clearly and make better decisions when you finally decide to face it, then you're absolutely not running away.
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Old 03-03-2012, 07:23 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Default Re: Would I be running away from the problem?

So nice to know that there are marriage counselors on this site
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