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post #31 of 141 (permalink) Old 03-05-2012, 07:22 PM
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Re: Wife of 11 years cheated on me

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My point is this, if your too nice to emotionally damage her, don't be. Snarl, bark, bear your teeth and tell this jerk wad to back off or risk permanent damage to his life as well. Show your power and she will either harken to it or fade away into the lonely abyssal coffin she, not you, she has fashioned for herself.

Hell Yesss... Thats the way we Arizona boys get it done!!

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post #32 of 141 (permalink) Old 03-05-2012, 09:09 PM
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Re: Wife of 11 years cheated on me

Separation now(after affair) means that she can indulge in the affair without any guilt. Remember that she was lying and blindsiding you all this time making you look like a fool for your suspicions. You cannot trust this woman. And don't worry about his contacts. It is usually the losers that mouth off so much. Inform his wife. You wife could well be f*cking him while separated. Informing his wife will stop the affair from his end.
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post #33 of 141 (permalink) Old 03-05-2012, 09:14 PM
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Re: Wife of 11 years cheated on me

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Originally Posted by warlock07 View Post
Separation now(after affair) means that she can indulge in the affair without any guilt. Remember that she was lying and blindsiding you all this time making you look like a fool for your suspicions. You cannot trust this woman. And don't worry about his contacts. It is usually the losers that mouth off so much. Inform his wife. You wife could well be f*cking him while separated. Informing his wife will stop the affair from his end.
Exactly, she could be using this separation shtick to turn the affair physical. You definitely need to expose before it goes down that route
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post #34 of 141 (permalink) Old 03-05-2012, 10:37 PM
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Re: Wife of 11 years cheated on me

Man I hate to see another sould go through this, you don't have to finish last. Strike hard and fast, emotionally wreck your wife, that guy will come to you, he'll want to be seen as a hero and tough.
Call him out, it's the last thing your wife will expect. You need to shock that woman, wake her up, she needs to see you are the one she committed to. If you can still love her and fight for her as dirty as she is, this should resonate with her. IF not, broom her fast and get to healing, it's tough on children to see their parents in pain.
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post #35 of 141 (permalink) Old 03-06-2012, 12:09 AM
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Re: Wife of 11 years cheated on me

@OP

You are honest.
Dont worry. Dont get sick.

It is your wife that chose to have an affair. Why did she leave you and kids (is it temporary until things are sorted out?)?

If there are issues in the marriage, she should have discussed with you rather than seeking another man.

Stay strong.

Collect as much as evidence as possible.

I guess the affair was physical too...
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post #36 of 141 (permalink) Old 03-06-2012, 01:05 AM
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Re: Wife of 11 years cheated on me

File for divorce and go dark on her (no communication except that related to the kids).

Nothing will send her a loud and clear message - that you are not and never will be her fall back guy if things don't work out with the OM - than having her served with divorce papers.

'I'd rather live by a dream, than live by a lie.
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post #37 of 141 (permalink) Old 03-06-2012, 06:02 AM
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Re: Wife of 11 years cheated on me

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File for divorce and go dark on her (no communication except that related to the kids).

Nothing will send her a loud and clear message - that you are not and never will be her fall back guy if things don't work out with the OM - than having her served with divorce papers.
The others are right. And if you take the time to read the threads here, and do what is suggested, you will find that you gain back your self respect. And the possibility of getting your wife back. That's if you still want her.
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post #38 of 141 (permalink) Old 03-06-2012, 07:21 AM Thread Starter
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Ordered a gps locator for her car should be here today. Reading the 180 and trying to identify how to make contact with the OMW. Wife is moving out today to an apt her father found for her. I sent her a message telling her the money needs to come from her jobs direct deposit. I haven't frozen the accounts yet. I don't know if she is still talking to OM but I will assume she is because why wouldn't she now that she doesn't have me nosing into her phone. I need either way to talk to OMW I have decided but as I mentioned I'm not sure how I can was thinking rental car and basically stakeout until I can get her alone, bring the transcripts of their text messages in case she is in denial
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post #39 of 141 (permalink) Old 03-06-2012, 07:23 AM
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Re: Wife of 11 years cheated on me

Checkout this thread. Sounds familiar

Can I believe her?
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post #40 of 141 (permalink) Old 03-06-2012, 07:27 AM
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Originally Posted by matrixD View Post
Ordered a gps locator for her car should be here today. Reading the 180 and trying to identify how to make contact with the OMW. Wife is moving out today to an apt her father found for her. I sent her a message telling her the money needs to come from her jobs direct deposit. I haven't frozen the accounts yet. I don't know if she is still talking to OM but I will assume she is because why wouldn't she now that she doesn't have me nosing into her phone. I need either way to talk to OMW I have decided but as I mentioned I'm not sure how I can was thinking rental car and basically stakeout until I can get her alone, bring the transcripts of their text messages in case she is in denial

A start of a plan and if you have to, sit outside their house until you see her in person. The other way is to track his parents and siblings down and expose to them.
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post #41 of 141 (permalink) Old 03-06-2012, 08:40 AM
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Re: Wife of 11 years cheated on me

Hire a PI and ask them to track down the OMW and give you contact info.

They can find the OMW by following the OM when he leaves your wife's nice new apartment which he no doubt will be helping break in.
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post #42 of 141 (permalink) Old 03-06-2012, 09:00 AM Thread Starter
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Here is my plan but I need some feedback so all of you that have been offering to help me please chime in

I find OMW and expose it to her. I don't ask her to not disclose how she found out or ask that she not say she learned this from me, right? I told you my only fear is this guy doing something vengeful to me my property etc since he knows where I live versus if his wife could learn on her own by getting his phone, tailing him etc. I don't know how to engage the OMW at this point but I need to today or tomorrow

I let that explode. I don't react when my wife blows up on me indicating it was over we were going to separate to have space and time to think and all that horse dung ....I walk away and that is it. I go dark

I install the gps in her sedan and track her movements or at this point is that not a good idea?
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post #43 of 141 (permalink) Old 03-06-2012, 09:03 AM
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Re: Wife of 11 years cheated on me

Hate to ask and I understand the importance of the family and your children..... But you haven't had sex in almost 3 years. What do you want out of the marriage? Just to stay together for the children and under one roof.

3 friggin years and no sex, sorry but that is more then any man should bear to stand and accept.

Let her go, build a strong relationship and bonding with your children, and live a life.
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post #44 of 141 (permalink) Old 03-06-2012, 09:09 AM Thread Starter
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For the longest time since our daughter was born, my wife's depression symptoms led me to believe she had a significantly deficient sex drive. She wasn't out having sex, that I am sure of. With her AP now, I still don't know. I respected her lack of sexuality in exchange for the loving marriage we had. We discussed it and she felt bad for it, but the were trade offs for me. I'm not going to rationalize it now however, the marriage issues are significant, but as already pointed out, and as be known all along, those issues are owned by both of us, this affair is all on her.
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post #45 of 141 (permalink) Old 03-06-2012, 09:15 AM
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Re: Wife of 11 years cheated on me

get a VAR to keep on your person
record all convos with the wife in case she tries to pull out some false accusations

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