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Coping with Infidelity Relationship recovery from the destructiveness of infidelity.

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Old 03-12-2012, 07:17 PM   #61 (permalink)
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Default Re: Is verifying my wifes whereabouts stalking?

She has been pushing her limits so long, this might be her idea of a bluff. Bluff or not you need to see an attorney tomorrow. Ask her to leave and see what she does.

Do the 180, start working out, diet, new haircut, new clothes work on youirself and be a better man with or without her. Show her you will no longer be treated like a dog.

Here is a link to the 180. Read each step carefully. Some people think you have to become an angry jerk, the opposite is true.

The Healing Heart: The 180
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Old 03-12-2012, 09:50 PM   #62 (permalink)
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Default Re: Is verifying my wifes whereabouts stalking?

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Originally Posted by lordmayhem View Post
I'm not sure, but you just hook up the blackberry to the computer via the data cable and the option the data cable. The option to back up the blackberry is in the desktop manager just like in iTunes. The password lock is just so you cannot access functions on the phone. It should be able to access deleted texts.
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When I try and connect with the device- it automatically asked for the password, so no dice.
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Old 03-12-2012, 09:51 PM   #63 (permalink)
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Default Re: Is verifying my wifes whereabouts stalking?

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Originally Posted by Jilted-canadian View Post
When I try and connect with the device- it automatically asked for the password, so no dice.
She just told you all you needed to know. Quit wasting time with the phone and pack her bags for her. Kick the b*tch out!
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Old 03-12-2012, 10:03 PM   #64 (permalink)
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Default Re: Is verifying my wifes whereabouts stalking?

OK... so another update: I did confront the OM via e-mail, and politely but sternly told him to break off his relationship with my wife.

Wife said to me via BBM "Bert" has told her to stop contacting him, and he is finding a different bar to hang at- you guys are too much drama for me. (Uh huh... believe it when I see it)

I just responded with "That's his choice".

She responded with: "Its my choice as well" (Again, believe it when I see it... Please! was I born yesterday?)

I respond with: "Well that's your choice too then"

She: "yes it is. u win that part"
Me: Its not a competition. Its a 23 yr relationship
She: Well he can't be your excuse anymore
Me: He was never an excuse. I could care less about him, He's not married to me, YOU are. My issue is with you, and you chose him over me. and THAT choice was urs.
She: Either way- u made urself clear what u thot of me.
Me: Wrong again. I did however make it very clear what I thought of your behaviour.

I ended the BBM conversation after that.
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Old 03-12-2012, 10:21 PM   #65 (permalink)
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Default Re: Is verifying my wifes whereabouts stalking?

Well done. She tried to get you to act like the blame was yours and that you did wrong. Meanwhile sheis one lying and cheating.

Some have found it good to go dark at this point.
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Old 03-12-2012, 10:25 PM   #66 (permalink)
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Default Re: Is verifying my wifes whereabouts stalking?

Quit answering her calls and texts. Quit talking to her period. Where is she anyway? Why hasn't she come home?
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Old 03-12-2012, 10:28 PM   #67 (permalink)
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Default Re: Is verifying my wifes whereabouts stalking?

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Originally Posted by Jilted-canadian View Post
OK... so another update: I did confront the OM via e-mail, and politely but sternly told him to break off his relationship with my wife.

Wife said to me via BBM "Bert" has told her to stop contacting him, and he is finding a different bar to hang at- you guys are too much drama for me. (Uh huh... believe it when I see it)

I just responded with "That's his choice".

She responded with: "Its my choice as well" (Again, believe it when I see it... Please! was I born yesterday?)

I respond with: "Well that's your choice too then"

She: "yes it is. u win that part"
Me: Its not a competition. Its a 23 yr relationship
She: Well he can't be your excuse anymore
Me: He was never an excuse. I could care less about him, He's not married to me, YOU are. My issue is with you, and you chose him over me. and THAT choice was urs.
She: Either way- u made urself clear what u thot of me.
Me: Wrong again. I did however make it very clear what I thought of your behaviour.

I ended the BBM conversation after that.
Go dark. Cut her out of your life and less this is how you want to live.
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Old 03-12-2012, 11:18 PM   #68 (permalink)
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Default Re: Is verifying my wifes whereabouts stalking?

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I think he knows his wife is being unfaithful so I agree this is absurd. However, the term stalking has a connotation that he has no right to survey the situation. I have no sympathy for the AP. If they choose to be complicit in the wife's unfaithfulness then they get what they get. They are not an innocent party in this. So call it stalking or whatever. It would be stalking if they were divorced and he continued this.
I agree, stalking or watching is totally okay/understandable in this situation due to his wife's envolvement.
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Old 03-12-2012, 11:26 PM   #69 (permalink)
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Checking on your wife's whereabouts is not stalking because she is your wife. No court would rule otherwise unless the wife had a restraining order, and even then it would not be considered stalking as long as he keep his distance. There is a legal definition to stalking and the cheater does not get to change that meaning just because they want to blame shift.
great point, backed up by some facts... i was looking at it from the perspective of the OM, his family, etc. who occupied the residence. As I posted, what if the wife wasn't even there (has no idea where she is), and he stalks continiously still... ?

But yes, I should have look at it from both perspectives, thanks
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Old 03-12-2012, 11:31 PM   #70 (permalink)
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I am seriously considering if Humble Pie is trolling
sorry Warlock, i am a bit new, what is trolling, what are you assuming I am doing? I just read people's situation, and comment, as I assume you do the same. I don't have a biased opinion, and all of my responses are not the same (leave her/file for divorce/she is in the wrong) boxed advice.

Last edited by Humble Pie; 03-12-2012 at 11:37 PM.
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Old 03-13-2012, 04:24 AM   #71 (permalink)
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Default Re: Is verifying my wifes whereabouts stalking?

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Originally Posted by Jilted-canadian View Post
OK... so another update: I did confront the OM via e-mail, and politely but sternly told him to break off his relationship with my wife.

Wife said to me via BBM "Bert" has told her to stop contacting him, and he is finding a different bar to hang at- you guys are too much drama for me. (Uh huh... believe it when I see it)

I just responded with "That's his choice".

She responded with: "Its my choice as well" (Again, believe it when I see it... Please! was I born yesterday?)

I respond with: "Well that's your choice too then"

She: "yes it is. u win that part"
Me: Its not a competition. Its a 23 yr relationship
She: Well he can't be your excuse anymore
Me: He was never an excuse. I could care less about him, He's not married to me, YOU are. My issue is with you, and you chose him over me. and THAT choice was urs.
She: Either way- u made urself clear what u thot of me.
Me: Wrong again. I did however make it very clear what I thought of your behaviour.

I ended the BBM conversation after that.
23 yrs & She treated you that poorly ? My friend get some self-respect. she has been openly insulting you by choosing to continue sleeping with OM , & you are willing to stay with her ? Wait for sometime she will do it again with the same guy or a new guy .
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Old 03-13-2012, 05:52 AM   #72 (permalink)
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Default Re: Is verifying my wifes whereabouts stalking?

Are you sure they didnt have sex? you should get checked for STD's (not sure if anyone mentioned that).
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Old 03-13-2012, 09:38 AM   #73 (permalink)
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Default Re: Is verifying my wifes whereabouts stalking?

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Quit answering her calls and texts. Quit talking to her period. Where is she anyway? Why hasn't she come home?
For all intents and purposes, I have. I will only communicate with her now for things OTHER than our relationship. (kids, household issues etc.)

After I confronted her and "Bert" and caught them at a bar and therefore my wife in yet another lie, I gave her an ultimatum, and went home. I wrote Bert an e-mail to end his relationship and explained the situation fully (I have a feeling my wife has been lying to him as well...). I then locked my wife out of the house. She came home a short while later... and we had a huge argument and she threatened to call the police since this was her home too... I replied, home is where the heart is, and your's is clearly with Bert. Go stay with him!

She left... maybe she went to the police, maybe she went to Bert's IDK... but she came back 2 hours later. I still wouldn't let her in, and she slept in her car in the driveway.

The next morning I left for work, and I guess the kids let her in, but later she sent me that information about the affair being ended.

She's back home, for now.

I'm doing the 180, and seeking legal advice.
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Old 03-13-2012, 10:16 AM   #74 (permalink)
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Default Re: Is verifying my wifes whereabouts stalking?

Do a hard 180. Follow the 180 rules to the letter. I'm sorry your kids got involved with this but if they are old enough to understand then you need to be open and honest with them as to why this happened and what might happen.
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Old 03-13-2012, 10:38 AM   #75 (permalink)
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Default Re: Is verifying my wifes whereabouts stalking?

She must have left to his house only for him to kick her out for the drama.
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