Possibly. This is an ugly sitiation that seems to have been brewing for years. As much as I am against blaming th BS, in this instant I do feel his neglect of the situation has led to much of this drama. He should have put his foot down with her years ago. Posted via Mobile Device
Being accused of being controlling seems to be many husbands greatest fear nowadays, so much so that they are scared to c0ck block as they are supposed to, let their wives go on all night GNOs with their toxic friends to nightclubs/bars, and protect their marriage.
He should have put his foot down with her years ago. Posted via Mobile Device
Quote:
Originally Posted by warlock07
And be accused of being 'controlling' ?
Well the thing of it is, up until 18 months ago, everything was quite literally fantastic!
We were very much the perfect couple. Sure we had things that we did on our own, but even when we did, we were in constant contact via text/ BBM/ e-mail etc. We were VERY active sexually 5-7 times a week, (sometimes a couple times in one day), went on dates and dirty weekends, always shared everything etc. It wasn't until I lost my job, and went into a depression that things went south.
She had her GNO's and I had my BNO's but we always met at the end of the night to "reconnect".
Well the thing of it is, up until 18 months ago, everything was quite literally fantastic!
We were very much the perfect couple. Sure we had things that we did on our own, but even when we did, we were in constant contact via text/ BBM/ e-mail etc. We were VERY active sexually 5-7 times a week, (sometimes a couple times in one day), went on dates and dirty weekends, always shared everything etc. It wasn't until I lost my job, and went into a depression that things went south.
She had her GNO's and I had my BNO's but we always met at the end of the night to "reconnect".
Boundaries. Inadequate boundaries do this. An EA will redirect people. It is chemical. There is much history re-writing.
In my opinion you were too trusting and neglectful long enough for her to seek attention elsewhere.
Somehow she hangs out with bar friends after work. Not good.
Well the thing of it is, up until 18 months ago, everything was quite literally fantastic!
We were very much the perfect couple. Sure we had things that we did on our own, but even when we did, we were in constant contact via text/ BBM/ e-mail etc. We were VERY active sexually 5-7 times a week, (sometimes a couple times in one day), went on dates and dirty weekends, always shared everything etc. It wasn't until I lost my job, and went into a depression that things went south.
She had her GNO's and I had my BNO's but we always met at the end of the night to "reconnect".
How long has she been bartending? This is one of the occupations a married person has absolutely no business in.
You are quickly moving into the realm of a cuckold. You are intimidated by her. You experimented (hored her out with rules of course). You allowed it, she has taken it from there. You need to read the other threads. They might help you gain a little perspective. They will also show you how your tactics will remove any self respect you have left. File for divorce. Your wife is a bar rag and likes the life. Dump her. Oh and watch the movie "barfly" with mickey Rourke and Faye Dunneway. It will awaken you to what your wife is.
YYou experimented (hored her out with rules of course). You allowed it, she has taken it from there.
Maybe I should have explained better. During the short period of time when we experimented with the "swinger lifestyle" we only added an extra female into the mix. There weren't any add'l men involved. She wanted to try a female and perhaps I should have discouraged it, but I had a fantasy I wanted to try as well... and since it was agreed upon by all concerned, it wasn't the issue.
Now you are on the right track. You are forcing the situation. You would have been in limbo forever if you had let it go on.
When she sees you get serious about putting an end to her affair (by filing for divorce) she will either get serious about fixing your relationship or accept the divorce. If it's the latter, it's better to find out now rather than go through another 18 months of what she's put you through being no closer to getting anything resolved. Dragging these things out, negotiating, trying to reason with them does not work. Any normal person can see she went off the deep end with the way she's been acting. The fact that she can't see it tells you that she is in a fog. Standing up to her and refusing to play along with her nonsensical lies is the only way to snap her out of it.
Make sure you get out of the fog, too. She is not the same woman from 18-plus months ago. Deal with the woman she is now and see if you want to stay. The woman you thought she was 18-plus months ago most likely is gone, if she ever really did exist the way you believed she did.
Do not agree to reconcile with her unless she meets all of your conditions - truth and honesty, no contact, remorse, transparency.
I then locked my wife out of the house. She came home a short while later... and we had a huge argument and she threatened to call the police since this was her home too... I replied, home is where the heart is, and your's is clearly with Bert. Go stay with him!
Unfortunately for you, you have no legal right to lock her out of the home. She is right, it is her home as well. If she does go to the police, they could decide to order you to leave the house because you are not allowing her access to her legal residence. If this happens she now has proof that you are abusive, can get a court ordered restraining order against you .This can also be used against you with child custody and visitation.
She has as much right to live in that house as you do. Neither of you can kick the other out and neither of you have the right to remove the children from the family home. It takes a court order to permanently remove one spouse from the family home. That court order usually does not come until the divorce is final and it is decided who will move out during the divorce settlement.
You need to see an attorney ASAP to find out your rights and the laws. Do this before you end up looking like the bad guy. Right now the law will look at you as the bad guy.
We need to be clear here... stalking is not the same as watching. Stalking is a form of harrassment that is against the law.
Stalking is never OK.
Watching is ok.
Let me be clear, I meant okay/understable from a person's perspective who is in the situation. forget about the law, if my wife were cheating i would prob. due same thing
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Re: Is verifying my wifes whereabouts stalking? 
