Jilted-canadian

I believe my wife of 19 years (together for 23 yrs) is involved in an "emotional affair". She has been good friends with this guy she met at work (she's a bar tender) for about 18 months now. It started out as just casual acquaintances... he'd come into the bar for a couple beers... Then he would buy her a drink after work and they would have extended conversations. It has been getting progressively worse from then on.

I went through a depression last year when I lost my job through downsizing, and withdrew into myself, which in turn kind of forced her into finding emotional support elsewhere and she chose this guy (and his family/ friends) for support.

I'm over my depression, found new employment equal to previous, and I'm desperately trying to reconnect with my wife. Problem is, I believe this emotional affair has progressed too far.

23 years- out the window....

Lately she's been making excuses to see him more and more... this has caused a HUGE rift in our otherwise happy life. she's lying to me about where she is, but also see's him in other social instances. Its like this guy is taking over my life!

So here's my question... is me driving by his house to verify my wife's whereabouts considered stalking? I never make contact. I just wanna know where she is.

Eli-Zor

If you were following him I would say your stalking but checking your wife's whereabouts is not.
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warlock07

No, but what you are doing is not the most efficient way to check and will not help you either. They could be in a hotel if they wanted to .

Jilted-canadian

You misunderstand. They are not having a physical (sexual) relationship or at least I don't think so. It is purely an emotional affair... I know this guy- he's about as asexual as they come! (2 failed relationships because he's just not interested in sex what-so-ever). I think that is one of the things that attracts Mrs. Jilted-Canadian to him... he is "safe".

Shaggy

PA or EA - her choosing to be with him instead of her husband is crossing a boundary.

Husbands and wives should always be each others first and top priority.

I would think that after a long shift tending the bar - your wife would be tired and want to get out and home.

And just because his past relationships failed due to his not being into sex - that doesn't mean he isn't hooking up with your wife. He could by the kind of guy who only gets into it before the boring committed phase, or your wife could decide to help him over his problem.

isla~mama

I wouldn't consider it stalking, no, but be careful not to go crazy over it. Driving by the house once a day might turn into once an hour, and it might progress to even worse behavior that would be considered stalking.

Shaggy

You might want to drop a VAR into her car - you might pick up their "talking"

AngryandUsed

If that guy is asexual, should an emotional affair bother you?
How sure are you about this guy, has she told you?

Jilted-canadian

Absolutely it should bother me... she's choosing to spend her emotional energy with someone OTHER than her husband.

And yes, they have both admitted that they are each other's very good friend. He is known to me, and he has 2 failed marriages due to his lack of sex drive (from what his XW's have told me...) Is it possible they are intimate. Of course it is... I just don't think they are, but I could be wrong...

AngryandUsed

That's why it could be a PA!
I think it would be advisable to try better methods rather than snooping it yourself physically. There are posts about it.
Can you discuss the issue with your wife?
If not, monitor for some time.
How was her attitude towards you and relaionship recently? Did you notice any changes?

The fact that you already did a bit of detective work indicates that your gut feeling says something is off the track.

So, you should play normal, collect evidences to see if there is an affair. Take care.

No anger.
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bandit.45

And quit posting different threads for everything. Stick to one so we will know where to find you!!!

chapparal

You stopped swinging but your wife didn't. Your only cnance of snapping her out of the fog is to file divorce papers. Sounds like the worst possible job for a mother. Just more barfly behavior.
Your in an open marriage and shes trying to blame it on her past.

BTW kick the other mans ass.

chapparal

Have you checked her text messages, phone and emails?

Jilted-canadian

Her Blackberry is under constant supervision, and password protected. She doesn't use a computer.

Jilted-canadian

We aren't swingers. I said we experimented with it a few years ago and had very specific rules with regards to it. (And it wasn't swapping, she wanted to try out another woman... )