Re: Should I confront the other man in an emotional affair?
Having very recently confronted the OM, I will say confront him ONLY if the following two general conditions apply: know where your wife's at vis-a-vis you, and know who the OM is, who you're dealing with vis-a-vis yourself:
First, is your wife is truly wanting to R with you? This will be difficult to determine until her actions prove so, so don't just assume because she is saying so at the moment (unless you TRUELY know she is choosing you 100%. But you can never know until after awhile). But if the NC is there, she KNOWS now is do-or-die and is wanting true R with you, then perhaps confront him. Just imagine if she isn't wanting true R and you confront him and you have egg on your face when she still ends up going to him.
-"stay away from my wife."
-"well you're wife is coming to me, loser."
Second, be prepared for the ultimate alpha-male showdown. That means both intellectually/mentally/verbally and physically. This is a true mano-a-mano confrontation and you better be able to stand up to him in every shape and form. He will defend himself, attack you, and try to steal your woman, so if you aren't ready to kick his ass in whatever shape or form (verbally/physically), then dont confront him. It will bite you in the ass. Worse, it will show your wife who's the "better" man and only increase her attraction to him. On the other hand, if you are ready to kick his ass (metaphorically/literally etc) then this can be an indicator to your wife that you're a real man.
Confronting him is very very risky. In many ways its a genuinely huge gamble. It can backfire bigtime (he out alphas you and makes you look pathetic and/or she is forced to choose and ends up choosing the OM) or reward you bigtime (you tell him to stay the f*** away simultaniously while your wife has NC=he is alone and he'll get the gig is up...hopefully. As well, if you do out-alpha him you, well, out-alpha him. The latter is extremely satisying, TBH. This man messed with your wife and you put him in his place. It can make you feel a tiny bit better through this ****ty ordeal. I know I enjoyed it. I reclaimed my "territory." Think of two mountains rams fighting for turf. Confronting him is the ultimate primal battle, in many ways. But be warned, I dont think its much worse than when your wife cheats on you AND THEN the OM makes you feel even more pathetic by out-alphaing you. So be ready to fight, damnit!)
I recently contact the OM. I told him basically to f*** off and threatened to out him at his work and elsehwere. He replied with some attempts to make me look ridiculous etc. They were generally lame and I was able to defend myself well and dismiss his attempts to belittle me while in turn increasing the pressure on him and winning the battle of wits, so to speak. The verbal tussle ended with him having no retort and being speechless, and basically realizing the game was up and coming across as stupid (well as stupid as is possible in the situation. Remeber, this man messed with your wife so he'll always have a degree of "nah nah nah, I got your wife, sucker" satisfaction. He can use that card too, so be ready for it.) The next day he contacted my wife again, which I expected and of which I warned my wife and made clear what was necessary of her when he tried to contact her. My wife told me immediately and I repeated the warning to f*** off (over text on my phone). He hasnt tried to contact again.
Moral of the story: if you decide to confront him be prepared for the ultimate alpha-showdown (whether verbal or physical or both, depending if you confront him on the phone or in person). Also, only do it if your know your wife is on your side. Its a risk/reward thing that you can never fully predict how it will turn out, and can be either extremely terrible or moderately satisfying/effective. I think it depends on the context of each situation whether its a good idea or not, but be warned and consider these facets before you do it. In general, however, I feel there is alot more to lose than there is to gain, even though I dont regret contacting the OM myself. I can see it turning out terriblely for many people. At the same time, for some men, they wouldnt be able to live themselves knowing they :chickened out" from confronting the OM. For some men it is a matter of self respect, I believe, to stand up for yourself and your marriage. Ultimately its your call.
Last edited by brokenbloke; 03-17-2012 at 07:58 AM.