I came here to prevent cheating, actually...at the time, almost a year ago, my husband (who was my fiance at the time) was trying to court what he called a friendship, with a woman from his past. She wasn't reciprocating at all, so I would often wonder why he was even bothering, especially since it was not OK with me.
I thought I was crazy too, for not wanting him to chase this friendship; I felt jealous, insecure, and sick to my stomach all the time. I felt unreasonable. How could I stand in the way of his friendship with this woman? Who was I to even try to do so? Over the course of a few days, I backed down, figuring I had no choice. But then I read all about emotional affairs, and how easy it was to slip into one, especially with a former lover. So I went back and told my fiance the truth, that I didn't want this woman in his life and I told him why.
Since then, we've had quite a few other problems, and this board has been very helpful in aiding me to see when I have cause for concern (or sometimes not!).
I stick around and post to offer my opinion, to try and help, and of course, to vent. I see a lot of sad stories. And things that make me furious, too...I've learned to keep it light, and not to take things I read about home or to project them onto my husband or our relationship.
Me and my AP were popping ambien like they were tic tacs and she was throwing in the occasional xanex for good measure.
I came here because I couldn't reconcile that I love my wife and knew I wanted to be married to her but I couldn't vacate the OW from my mind - I just couldn't make her leave. I had gotten myself into a mental/emotional circle and I was just going round and round. I needed to help to find the exit and put myself back together. I didn't want to express what I was going through to my wife for the obvious reasons - I knew who I loved and what I wanted and I saw no reason to hurt or confuse her. So I found TAM. With the help of the folks here I got off that hamster wheel and learned quite a lot about myself.
I stay for three reasons. First I think (hope) it helps some betrayed spouses to get a first hand account of what it's like to be on the cheating side of the coin. Hopefully it helps them better understand and deal with their cheating spouse. Second, I desperately try to get other cheaters or people contemplating cheating to see the pain and prices that I paid and change their behavior. And finally I stay because I continue to get something out of it. I still learn about myself and my marriage by interacting with people here.
I came here because I didn't like the "just friends" relationship that my boyfriend was having and it was reminiscent of the inappropriate behavior that my exH carried on and seemed to encourage with women.
I feel that I have gained a template in how to manage these extra curricular relationships pre EA/ EA or PA.
I first came here looking for help to cope with the devastation and pain I felt after d-day. Now I stay to help others with their own experiences with infidelity. I really needed the support in those early days and now over a year later I'm in a position to offer support to those who need it.
I still find comfort in dealing with my H's betrayal by reading the stories and trying to help others. I often wonder if this is what an infidelity support group would feel like if I attended one in person. MC and TAM is enough for me.
I came here because I needed to find other people who had been throught the same thing, to find out if there was hope and to find out if what I was feeling was normal (I was so close to the edge it was scarey).
While I have a great family my dad has terminal cancer so I could nt talk to my folks and while I have a great net work of friends who support me I knew that their opinions could sway me and I needed to be able to come to my own decisions.
I'm here to keep me on the straight and narrow. I'm in 2nd marriage,
1st ended with XW had an EA/PA with co-worker. They later
married and stayed together. Yet, to my shame, I also had
an EA with co-worker during 2nd marriage. Wife forgave (not forgetting) so I get reminders here of the pain of infidelity.
And swear never to do it again. I've been on both sides, yet
don't have great advice for anyone.
I really don't take it as schadenfreude, there is *nothing* to
get happy about.
For me I am not looking for a solution. I know that I am staying with my wife regardless of her childish behavior and indiscretion. I am here to learn how to cope with this anger that is deep inside of me that I fear of coming out one day.
I have learned over the years to bury my anger but I have never experienced so much pain. I hope reading enough posts here about other people's experiences will help me learn to cope with this disaster that struck me.
I came here because I was embarrassed to tell anyone I knew personally that my wife was cheating on me for a second time in our marriage.
Here I have found myself a slew of new friends who are decent, kindhearted and who for the most part share the same values, beliefes and personal ethics as me. Its good to know that in this godless, upside down world we live in there is a place like TAM where hurting people can find solace.
I came here after 6 months of bulls*it from my man. Knew it to be so but getting nowhere. All 'circumstantial'. Loved him too much and so wanted to believe. I googled 'how to tell if someone is lying'. Found myself on another site with some brilliant articles on cheating and how to get over it and move on. It reaffirmed my thoughts and feelings on how we shld be progressing, he just wanted to sweep under the carpet, I could not. He still did not change. As long as he showed ne love, he didn't need to discuss! Then I had a look at the forum. The regulars were bitter and twisted. Someone on there posted a link to here, I found this place and it was a 100 times better.
I have become safe in my thoughts and feelings, solid in them, no longer on the whirlwind merry-go-round...god that was hell! I feel at a point now where I can sort my life out once and for all. This place has been a god send for me...even though I didn't get as many opinions as I would have liked when I have posted. The ones I got though were invaluable. Thankyou.
Oh...and to read other peoples problems...helps to know there is someone worse off hehe ...I mean that in the nicest possible way. And to read others' going through the same crap, kinda comforting, especially when u meet your twin in a parallel universe. And giving advice is so much easier. So easy to see and so clear when it is someone else's situation.
Oh...and I got to learn the cheaters handbook. It is so funny now when he comes out with his s*it. I feel I am in control of my 'relationship' now, I think he does too and we are at the end of the road, and my love is just about gone. More fool him!
Oh...and when I say more fool him, it is not just in the obvious. He came back to mine in November with a tattoo of my name on his arm. Blocky font, no delicate writing. I hope his nxt gf has the same name otherwise he will look like a complete tit! Good job I ain't called Serendipity! X
Oh...and when I say more fool him, it is not just in the obvious. He came back to mine in November with a tattoo of my name on his arm. Blocky font, no delicate writing. I hope his nxt gf has the same name otherwise he will look like a complete tit! Good job I ain't called Serendipity! X
I finally found TAM a year and a half after Dday#1 - I had been on Loveshack and SI, plus another board made up entirely of women who had hung around together online for about ten years. I just didn't feel as though I belonged to any of those groups. I was trying to deal with what he did and kept hitting stone walls in my own mind.
Since I've been here things are much better with me and I love to let people know that reconciliation IS possible.
Plus I need SOMEthing to do at work when I don't feel like working
I come here for comfort and support and I usually find it. I don't have other people I can share this with and that makes me feel really lonely. Some of the roughest times I got through by coming here, getting advice but also in giving it. I hope that in some small way I've given back because without all of the people who have given me support here I'd be a lot worse off. There will always be some people who bash but that's only a rare few.
3Likes
Re: Why are you here and what do you expect. 
