I initially came here looking for answers. My estranged husband completely blindsided me when he moved out in 2008. I was crushed! Although I suspected he was cheating, he denied it for more than two years. There weren't many forum members then, but those that were here helped a great deal with perspective. Up until this nightmare, I knew absolutely nothing about a cheating spouse.
Obviously I'm now hanging around because I'm a moderator. Besides that I like to offer encouragement to others.....and hopefully offer perspective to others. Sometimes a situation looks a whole lot different through the eyes of a seasoned marriage disaster "veteran".
I was feeling soooo crazy I thought I was losing it. I needed to know if what I was feeling was pathological. This forum has helped me see that all my feelings and reactions to this awful experience were text book, and that helped reduce my stress. I am so grateful for the advice and solace I have received from TAM members. Thank you all!
I think I came for support you just don't know what to do, it was so nice to be able to know you weren't alone and that there were solutions......
By reading other stories you could educate yourself and also learn what you might expect.......
I think having a forum like this is good we can all help each other through a very difficult time, we don't know each other and sometimes it's easier to just talk to someone not attached emotionally in any way, we can be totally open .......we can express our emotions without judgement.......
I try to support newcomers when I am around and maybe my experience will help someone going through the same thing I did.....
I came here for support. I thought I was going crazy. I needed to know that there are other people dealing with the same hurt and pain that I am. As much as my STBXH would like to convince me that I am crazy, I am making up his cheating, I am looking for ghosts, I knew I wasn't crazy but I realized after finding this forum that most all of my thoughts and emotions are normal for someone that has been betrayed and lied to. This forum helped me to know that my gut feeling was spot on. I read many post where people described the excuses they had been given by their cheating spouses. It was amazing how my H gave the same exact statements. It's almost like cheaters and liars have a handbook of excuses to read out of and they all use the same ones.
My attorney also told me that out of all the years he has been in law that when a client has a gut feeling of a cheating spouse that they are almost always right.
This kind of cosmic dumbassery occupies a temporal plane of ineptitude and lack of reason so profound a Zen master could spend a lifetime meditating upon its philosophical consequences.”
Hands down i came here for help with my cheating husband to try and get help for myself also..i needed support to know i am not alone.as how to deal with all the pain..i needed to try some how to figure why he did this to us.was it something i did.but i will tell you this what i have found on this site is some wonderful souls with loving hearts.who i can talk to and relate too.knowing i'm not alone..
i came here after i found out..looking for advice on what the normal reaction is when one finds out they were cheated on and what happens when R is what is chosen.and to tell my story to people who dont know me.
Several years ago I realized our marriage while still good was getting stagnant. I knew that it takes hard work and dedication to have a good marriage so I began researching and learning way to keep my marriage healthy and vibrant. I've read many books and perused many web sites in my quest for knowledge. One of the sites I went to was a blog written by Athol Kay called Married Man's Sex Life. I learned about Talk About Marriage from him and came here to see what real people were saying hoping to continue to learn and grow. I lurked for quite a while and eventually realized that there weren't many people posting who had reconciled after an affair and even fewer who had stayed together as long as my wife and I. So I decided to register and begin posting to give my perspective and try to help those that needed help.
Dunno I lurked mostly around loveshack but stopped after reading the OM/OW support thread which made my blood boil, how those people sleep at night is beyond me. I lurked around here too until I read a thread about this one woman who cheated on her husband with her best friend and was wondering if she could be "fwends" with him after he forgave her......
I came here for help and I got it. Now when I see a story close to my circumstances, I share with what has worked for me.
Also, I must admit to having some consolation from certain horror scenarios one sees here. Just when you think your family life is fooed up, you get to read some absolutely outlandish stuff and think "man I have it easy".