I have seen stats that say that a large percentage of divorces are filed by women. In the articles I've read there is an assumption usually that women are just being frivolous because it's easy to divorce now.
But I don't think that most of the women are filing for fivolous reasons. I know quite a few divorced women. I only know of 2 that I think left for frivolous reasons.
Many of the women filed because their husbands walked out and they finally filed because their husbands were not going to.. not even when they were living with other women. Some were in abusive marriages. Some were married to cheaters.. many of the husband were serial cheaters.
I filed for divorce before because of serious martial problems, emotional and physical abuse and serial adultery by hubands. But in the statistics I just look like one of those women who is just walking out on her husband.
Numbers do not give the entire picture.
I agree.
I don't like to see divorce figures so high, but I'm glad I (and other women) have the right to obtain one if I need to. I did need to, and I'm much happier for having finally done so. I realize that's not the popular stance on this site, but my only regret is not having done it sooner.
I think men are intimidated by the fact that they can no longer be secure in the knowledge that wifey couldn't leave even if she wanted to, as in the past. It used to be they could get away with all kinds of (mis)behavior because finances and social stigma against divorce would keep her in her place.
It might be bad to have so many divorces, but it's worse when women have to live out their lives in misery because they don't have a choice.
And having 3 children, I didn't make that choice lightly. I resent people insinuating that i did.
This may be true, but it doesn't change the fact that alimony is pretty rare (14 percent of divorces, according to one study I saw) and most often awarded to longtime SAHMs.
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I agree that most wives don't cheat. And that probably more husbands are cheating than wives. However, I am still dismayed by the general cultural acceptance, and even encouragement, of cheating and divorce by women. I won't say that men who cheat or frivolously divorce face nothing but scorn and ridicule, but I can't think of any encouragement for men to do so.
I don't disagree with too much there, though I wouldn't go so far as to suggest the culture encourages it. It can, certainly, present women's infidelity glamorously (Bridges of ******* Co., Unfaithful to name a couple of examples).
That said, serial male cheaters aren't exactly demonized in the entertainment industry (see: Don Draper, Tony Soprano). Posted via Mobile Device
This may be true, but it doesn't change the fact that alimony is pretty rare (14 percent of divorces, according to one study I saw) and most often awarded to longtime SAHMs.
I don't disagree with too much there, though I wouldn't go so far as to suggest the culture encourages it. It can, certainly, present women's infidelity glamorously (Bridges of ******* Co., Unfaithful to name a couple of examples).
That said, serial male cheaters aren't exactly demonized in the entertainment industry (see: Don Draper, Tony Soprano). Posted via Mobile Device
So is the word "*******" just automatically marked as a swear word now because of that cheating site?
Perhaps women as "nurturer" being an absolute identity is now a thing of the past since women are now encouraged...really demanded...to be breadwinners. Women don't dedicate their lives to making a happy home for their families anymore. Some do...but most simply weren't raised to do that...nor do their husbands want them to do that. Once upon a time, most little girls were given a doll, and a stay-at-home wife role model, and taught to nurture others...which was only encouraged by the fact that most men are protector/providers by nature and women are nuturers by nature (exceptions of course).
That's not to blame anybody. Just an observation that I think may contribute to why women are cheating more...maybe they are cheating more because they are, frankly, more like men than women ever used to be.
Even so, there having always been female cheaters.
All that being said...
People cheat because they think it's ok.
Period.
Whether that's because they are a sociopath (like I believe in my ex to be) or because of weak or nonexistent morality or because "my husband/wife doesn't understand me" - ultimately people cheat because they think it's ok. Even when they lie or hide it. They think it's ok. They don't want to get caught because "nobody will understand" and they'll lose something...NOT as a result of their cheating but because people don't understand WHY IT IS OK.
Cheaters cheat because they find a reason that it is ok. Some people will never be cheaters because they have too strong a sense of loyalty, morality, empathy, decency. And some peole don't...and those are your potential cheaters...male or female.
I don't like to see divorce figures so high, but I'm glad I (and other women) have the right to obtain one if I need to. I did need to, and I'm much happier for having finally done so. I realize that's not the popular stance on this site, but my only regret is not having done it sooner.
I think men are intimidated by the fact that they can no longer be secure in the knowledge that wifey couldn't leave even if she wanted to, as in the past. It used to be they could get away with all kinds of (mis)behavior because finances and social stigma against divorce would keep her in her place.
It might be bad to have so many divorces, but it's worse when women have to live out their lives in misery because they don't have a choice.
And having 3 children, I didn't make that choice lightly. I resent people insinuating that i did.
Like you, I also resent the idea being tossed around that most women get divorces lightly. I did not divorce lightly either.
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Originally Posted by TeaLeaves4
I realize that's not the popular stance on this site, but my only regret is not having done it sooner.
Actually you will hear a lot of poeple give advice to divorce on this site... when there is infidelity and abuse mostly.
I am probably gonna catch crap for this one, but here is my theory:
There was a time when a couple was married or when a man claimed a woman to be his wife, it was understood that no other man was to approach her or hit on her without receiving the wrath of a very jealous and armed husband. Nowadays the other man is just not afraid of the husband and has no problem approaching a married woman. Who is the afraid of the man that is at home doing the laundry while his wife is out hanging out with her new beau? No one! I wouldn't be. Now, I don't advocate that a husband owns his wife or should have a gun, so please don't send me any hate email. I am just pointing out that there is always a man out there that will be ready to strike at a woman that is available and if that happens to be a married woman with a pushover for a husband, than so be it.
It is a well known fact that if a even slightly attractive woman walks into a bar, a herd of men will hit on her before the night is over. If she is single, she may "cut one from the herd" before the night is over. If she is married, she woud ideally ignore them all and remain faithful. As we know, this doesn't always happen.
If a slightly attractive man walks into a bar, he may be lucky if one woman makes the first move. If he is single, he is out hitting on as many women as possible to increase his odds. If he is married, let's hope he is just there to watch sports with friends. If a married man were to receive as many suiters as the abovementioned woman, then by the night's end, is he is more likely to to give in to temptation? Let's face it, men are not approached near as much as women and are not in the situation to act on these instances as much as women.
My point that I am trying to muddle through is that married women are hit on more now than in the past since there fewer men afraid to hit on married women. Eventually a man will hit the lottery and find a woman that has a weak marriage or low self esteem and viola!
Also, before I get torn apart by the men, I do agree some women do actively seek affairs and the number of those have gone up as well.
Do you know how many of these male friends of yours have cheated on their wives? I'd be curious to know.
Personally speaking I don't know any man that has cheated on his wife. I do know of at least 6 wives that have cheated on their husbands. And that's not including me. Maybe I just don't associate with the type of man that would cheat.
Nope not a growing trend. Birds of a feather fly together. You and your friends where too beta and told each other that it was OK to be so. Other alpha males took your wives.
Learn from this for next time. You got hoodwinked by your wife and friends into thinking being a good husband was being beta. Do not repeat that mistake.
Friend, I'm pretty damned alpha. I was even before I knew what the hell alpha was. The group of men I know whose wives cheated on them include a Deputy Sheriff, a captain in the state police, a CEO of a successful company, and a banker who is a Taekwondo state champ. None of these guys would be considered beta in any sense.
Personally speaking I don't know any man that has cheated on his wife. I do know of at least 6 wives that have cheated on their husbands. And that's not including me. Maybe I just don't associate with the type of man that would cheat.
Interesting. I know many men who have cheated on their wives and a few women who have cheated.
The # of men are far more than twice as many as the women.
I guess it's just different in different social/family circles.
From an article at WebMD about infidelity, some interesting findings:
1. ”56% of men who had affairs were happy in their marriage, according to a study by Helen Fisher, Ph.D., a biological anthropologist at Rutgers University and the author of Why Him? Why Her? and Why We Love. By comparison, only 34% of women who had affairs were happy or very happy in their marriage.
Men are more likely to cite sexual motivations for infidelity and less likely to fall in love with an extramarital partner, Fisher tells WebMD. ”Women are more interested in supplementing their marriage or jumping ship than men are. For men, it is a secondary strategy as opposed to an alternate.”
…Experts say that a large majority of the time, motivations for infidelity differ by gender, with men searching for more sex or attention and women looking to fill an emotional void.
Men are more likely to cite sexual motivations for infidelity and less likely to fall in love with an extramarital partner. Women tend to have an emotional connection with their lover and are more likely to have an affair because of loneliness.”
2. ”Although infidelity is the main reason unmarried couples who are living together split up, the same is not true of married couples. Married couples often cite being incompatible or unable to communicate as the cause of their divorce.”
3. ”Statistics from the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy suggest that 25% of husbands report having had sex outside of their marriage. When emotional affairs or sexual intimacies without intercourse (such as kissing) are included, the number jumps to 45%.
Statistics from the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy suggest that 15% of wives report having had sex outside of their marriage. When emotional affairs or sexual intimacies without intercourse (such as kissing) are included, the number jumps to 35%.”
4. ”A National Marriage Project study of 25- to 60-year-olds found that highly educated people are less likely to be unfaithful than their less educated peers. In the 2000s, 13% of college educated respondents reported sex outside their marriage, compared with 19% of those who were moderately educated and 21% of those with the least education (high school dropouts).”
5. A woman is least likely to be unfaithful if her income is much less than her husband’s.
“A Cornell University study on income and infidelity found that women are least likely to stray when they are dependent on their male partner’s income. They may have fewer opportunities to cheat and may decide it isn’t worth it because their livelihood may be at risk.”
(SW: I suspect female hypergamy explains a lot of this, particularly among highly educated couples.)
6. A man is more likely to cheat if his wife is the main breadwinner.
“A Cornell University study on income and infidelity found that men who were completely dependent on their female partner’s income were five times more likely to cheat than men who contributed equally. However, when age, education level, income, religious attendance, and relationship satisfaction were taken into account, the relationship between economic dependence and infidelity disappeared.”
(SW: Similarly, I suspect that the male preference for relationship dominance is material here.)
“Ironically, the same Cornell University study found that men who bring home most of the household income are also more likely to cheat. Men were least likely to cheat when their partners made approximately 75% of their incomes.”
(SW: That sounds like the sweet spot of financial gain and relationship dynamics.)
7. Genetic testing could help determine how likely your partner is to cheat.
“Genes associated with sensation-seeking behaviors, such as drinking alcohol or gambling, also may be associated with sexual promiscuity and infidelity, according to a recent study. The study focused on the DRD4 gene, which is associated with other behaviors linked with reward and feeling good. People with a genetic variation of DRD4 called 7R+ were more likely to commit infidelity or be promiscuous; 50% of people with 7R+ reported being unfaithful, compared with 22% of people who did not have this genetic variation.”
I am probably gonna catch crap for this one, but here is my theory:
There was a time when a couple was married or when a man claimed a woman to be his wife, it was understood that no other man was to approach her or hit on her without receiving the wrath of a very jealous and armed husband. Nowadays the other man is just not afraid of the husband and has no problem approaching a married woman. Who is the afraid of the man that is at home doing the laundry while his wife is out hanging out with her new beau? No one! I wouldn't be. Now, I don't advocate that a husband owns his wife or should have a gun, so please don't send me any hate email. I am just pointing out that there is always a man out there that will be ready to strike at a woman that is available and if that happens to be a married woman with a pushover for a husband, than so be it.
It is a well known fact that if a even slightly attractive woman walks into a bar, a herd of men will hit on her before the night is over. If she is single, she may "cut one from the herd" before the night is over. If she is married, she woud ideally ignore them all and remain faithful. As we know, this doesn't always happen.
If a slightly attractive man walks into a bar, he may be lucky if one woman makes the first move. If he is single, he is out hitting on as many women as possible to increase his odds. If he is married, let's hope he is just there to watch sports with friends. If a married man were to receive as many suiters as the abovementioned woman, then by the night's end, is he is more likely to to give in to temptation? Let's face it, men are not approached near as much as women and are not in the situation to act on these instances as much as women.
My point that I am trying to muddle through is that married women are hit on more now than in the past since there fewer men afraid to hit on married women. Eventually a man will hit the lottery and find a woman that has a weak marriage or low self esteem and viola!
Also, before I get torn apart by the men, I do agree some women do actively seek affairs and the number of those have gone up as well.
I might add it's easier for a woman to cheat. All a woman has to do is go to a bar and stand there and smile, whereas a guy might have to hang out in the same bar for weeks before he get's lucky ;~)
The lives of women in the United States have improved over the past 35 years by many objective measures, yet we show that measures of subjective well-being indicate that women’s happiness has declined both absolutely and relative to men. This decline in relative well-being is found across various datasets, measures of subjective well- being, demographic groups, and industrialized countries. Relative declines in female happiness have eroded a gender gap in happiness in which women in the 1970s reported higher subjective well-being than did men. These declines have continued and a new gender gap is emerging—one with higher subjective well-being for men.
[T]trends in self-reported subjective well-being indicate that happiness has shifted toward men and away from women. This shift holds across industrialized countries regardless of whether the aggregate trend in happiness for both genders is flat, rising, or falling. In all of these cases, we see happiness rebalancing to reflect greater happiness for men relative to women.
First, there may be other important socioeconomic forces that have made women worse off. A number of important macro trends have been documented: decreased social cohesion (Robert D. Putnam 2000), increased anxiety and neuroticism (Jean M. Twenge 2000), and increased household risk (Hacker 2006). While each of these trends have impacted men and women, it is possible for even apparently gender-neutral trends to have gender-biased impacts if men and women respond differently to these forces. For example, if women are more risk averse than men, then an increase in risk may lower women’s utility relative to that of men.
The second possibility is that broad social shifts such as those brought on by the changing role of women in society fundamentally alter what measures of subjective well-being are capturing. Over time it is likely that women are aggregating satisfaction over an increasingly larger domain set. For example, life satisfaction may have previously meant “satisfaction at home” and has increasingly come to mean some combination of “satisfaction at home” and “satisfaction at work.” This averaging over many domains may lead to falling average satisfaction if it is difficult to achieve the same degree of satisfaction in multiple domains. One piece of evidence along these lines is that the correlation between happiness and marital happiness is lower for women who work compared with those who are stay at home wives, and the correlation has fallen over time for all women in our sample.
Finally, the changes brought about through the women’s movement may have decreased women’s happiness. The increased opportunity to succeed in many dimensions may have led to an increased likelihood of believing that one’s life is not measuring up. Similarly, women may now compare their lives to a broader group, including men, and find their lives more likely to come up short in this assessment. Or women may simply find the complexity and increased pressure in their modern lives to have come at the cost of happiness.
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Re: WTF is wrong with Wives these days? 
