I'm amused when I hear about how men and women have become "equal" in today's environment. If this is true, it has occurred only in the last two years. Had it been so, perhaps my ex who did ALL the cheating and her, at that time boyfriend, might not have been awarded the house, the newer car and twenty thousand bucks to tie them over until ONE of them found employment.
I might add it's easier for a woman to cheat. All a woman has to do is go to a bar and stand there and smile, whereas a guy might have to hang out in the same bar for weeks before he get's lucky ;~)
Yet married men cheat more than married women. I guess that there are lots of single women who are not all that hard for them to hit on... the men probably do not always meet their affair partners in bars.
I'm amused when I hear about how men and women have become "equal" in today's environment. If this is true, it has occurred only in the last two years. Had it been so, perhaps my ex who did ALL the cheating and her, at that time boyfriend, might not have been awarded the house, the newer car and twenty thousand bucks to tie them over until ONE of them found employment.
Her boyfriend was not awarded anything.
She got what the judge felt was her half (or equitable portion) of the marital estate.
Or she lied up a storm and convinced the judge that she was more in need then you.
Infidelity by women may not be such a recent trend either.
From Virtue Under Fire and Love, Sex, and War by John Costello
“Of the 5.3 million British infants delivered between 1939 and 1945, over a third were illegitimate – and this wartime phenomenon was not confined to any one section of society. The babies that were born out-of-wedlock belonged to every age group of mother, concluded one social researcher:
Some were adolescent girls who had drifted away from homes which offered neither guidance nor warmth and security. Still others were women with husbands on war service, who had been unable to bear the loneliness of separation. There were decent and serious, superficial and flighty, irresponsible and incorrigible girls among them. There were some who had formed serious attachments and hoped to marry. There were others who had a single lapse, often under the influence of drink. There were, too, the ‘good-time girls’ who thrived on the presence of well-paid servicemen from overseas, and semi-prostitutes with little moral restraint. But for the war many of these girls, whatever their type, would never have had illegitimate children. (pp. 276-277)”
and;
“Neither British nor American statistics, which indicate that wartime promiscuity reached its peak in the final stages of the war, take account of the number of irregularly conceived pregnancies that were terminated illegally. Abortionists appear to have been in great demand during the war. One official British estimate suggests that one in five of all pregnancies was ended in this way, and the equivalent rate for the United States indicates that the total number of abortions for the war years could well have been over a million.
These projections are at best merely a hypothetical barometer of World War II’s tremendous stimulus to extra-marital sexual activity. The highest recorded rate of illegitimate births was not among teenage girls, as might have been expected. Both British and American records indicate that women between twenty and thirty gave birth to nearly double the number of pre-war illegitimate children. Since it appears that the more mature women were the ones most encouraged by the relaxed morals of wartime to ‘enjoy’ themselves, it may be surmised that considerations of fidelity were no great restraint on the urge of the older married woman to participate in the general rise in wartime sexual promiscuity. (pp. 277-278)”
I am probably gonna catch crap for this one, but here is my theory:
There was a time when a couple was married or when a man claimed a woman to be his wife, it was understood that no other man was to approach her or hit on her without receiving the wrath of a very jealous and armed husband. Nowadays the other man is just not afraid of the husband and has no problem approaching a married woman. Who is the afraid of the man that is at home doing the laundry while his wife is out hanging out with her new beau? No one! I wouldn't be. Now, I don't advocate that a husband owns his wife or should have a gun, so please don't send me any hate email. I am just pointing out that there is always a man out there that will be ready to strike at a woman that is available and if that happens to be a married woman with a pushover for a husband, than so be it.
It is a well known fact that if a even slightly attractive woman walks into a bar, a herd of men will hit on her before the night is over. If she is single, she may "cut one from the herd" before the night is over. If she is married, she woud ideally ignore them all and remain faithful. As we know, this doesn't always happen.
If a slightly attractive man walks into a bar, he may be lucky if one woman makes the first move. If he is single, he is out hitting on as many women as possible to increase his odds. If he is married, let's hope he is just there to watch sports with friends. If a married man were to receive as many suiters as the abovementioned woman, then by the night's end, is he is more likely to to give in to temptation? Let's face it, men are not approached near as much as women and are not in the situation to act on these instances as much as women.
My point that I am trying to muddle through is that married women are hit on more now than in the past since there fewer men afraid to hit on married women. Eventually a man will hit the lottery and find a woman that has a weak marriage or low self esteem and viola!
Also, before I get torn apart by the men, I do agree some women do actively seek affairs and the number of those have gone up as well.
Hopefully, you won't be attacked. In the end, we're all giving opinions. I think this is a valid way of looking at it, but I really don't think the implied aim would be the predator, so to speak. In my opinion, people do it because they either think they'll get away with it, or they see their partner as being unlikely to divorce over it.
Whether it is right or wrong, cheaters once also had to fear that future potential spouses might refuse to marry them if the exposure leads to divorce.
Yet married men cheat more than married women. I guess that there are lots of single women who are not all that hard for them to hit on... the men probably do not always meet their affair partners in bars.
That's what we are led to believe, but I'm seeing a huge increase in forums where men in long term marriages are reporting their wive affairs. In some cases tracking their email trails with multiple partners going back five years or more., and finding their children are not their own. Men being reticent to talk of such things I wonder how many have suffered in silence before, but are now being more open about it.
That's what we are led to believe, but I'm seeing a huge increase in forums where men in long term marriages are reporting their wive affairs. In some cases tracking their email trails with multiple partners going back five years or more., and finding their children are not their own. Men being reticent to talk of such things I wonder how many have suffered in silence before, but are now being more open about it.
The problem is that using public forums to gather statistics is not reliable. It's like going to the hospital and saying that there is an epidemic because there are a lot of sick people in the hospital.
There could very well be a trend that more men use public forums for support because they do not have good support systems in real life and men do not use counselors as often as women do. Both of these are pretty well known facts.
I am probably gonna catch crap for this one, but here is my theory:
There was a time when a couple was married or when a man claimed a woman to be his wife, it was understood that no other man was to approach her or hit on her without receiving the wrath of a very jealous and armed husband. Nowadays the other man is just not afraid of the husband and has no problem approaching a married woman. Who is the afraid of the man that is at home doing the laundry while his wife is out hanging out with her new beau? No one! I wouldn't be. Now, I don't advocate that a husband owns his wife or should have a gun, so please don't send me any hate email. I am just pointing out that there is always a man out there that will be ready to strike at a woman that is available and if that happens to be a married woman with a pushover for a husband, than so be it.
It is a well known fact that if a even slightly attractive woman walks into a bar, a herd of men will hit on her before the night is over. If she is single, she may "cut one from the herd" before the night is over. If she is married, she woud ideally ignore them all and remain faithful. As we know, this doesn't always happen.
If a slightly attractive man walks into a bar, he may be lucky if one woman makes the first move. If he is single, he is out hitting on as many women as possible to increase his odds. If he is married, let's hope he is just there to watch sports with friends. If a married man were to receive as many suiters as the abovementioned woman, then by the night's end, is he is more likely to to give in to temptation? Let's face it, men are not approached near as much as women and are not in the situation to act on these instances as much as women.
My point that I am trying to muddle through is that married women are hit on more now than in the past since there fewer men afraid to hit on married women. Eventually a man will hit the lottery and find a woman that has a weak marriage or low self esteem and viola!
Also, before I get torn apart by the men, I do agree some women do actively seek affairs and the number of those have gone up as well.
I am older than most on this forum, and if I found another man banging my wife he would likely meet my .357. Sorry, call me old school.
But I think you are correct much has changed. I am not saying that a lot of the change has not been good, but even on this forum many folks go way out of their way to not hold predators accountable. I think it is because they do want folks to hold the WS accountable. I think there is plenty accountability to go around and would not want to cheat anyone out of it. At one time men would get a lot more sympathy in the court room for dealing with the OM.
Ultimately though it is the women who give the green light to these men. The women portray their husbands in a light that is disrespectful. In many cases the husband has empowered her to do so. Laws are such that it protects the rights to poach and it protects the rights of cheaters to cheat.
Many folks still however blame the husband. if he was man enough his woman would not have to sleep with another man. If he met her needs she would not be forced to seek attention else where.
There seems to be a greater sense of entitlement.
But back in Roman times when women could be put to death for infidelity, they still cheated. So this is not new.
__________________
Rectitude--Courage--Benevolence--Respect--Honesty--Honor--Loyalty
"All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing."
"Why do we fall? So we might learn to pick ourselves up."
"It’s not who we are underneath, but what we do that defines us."
Last edited by Entropy3000; 03-12-2012 at 11:50 PM.
The problem is that using public forums to gather statistics is not reliable. It's like going to the hospital and saying that there is an epidemic because there are a lot of sick people in the hospital.
There could very well be a trend that more men use public forums for support because they do not have good support systems in real life and men do not use counselors as often as women do. Both of these are pretty well known facts.
It's not just forums, I went to a get together with some old friends on New Years, some I have not spent a lot of time with in 15 years or more. We sat up all night catching up about everyone we knew and the marital horror stories I heard regarding cheating wives was almost unbelievable. Marriages I though were going well were shams, some of the guys were actually in tears over this "shame". It's a topic that's been swept under the rug until men have had a safe place to talk about it online.
Actually, I believe women cheat more than men do. Just women are better at hiding it. And (according to a study that I read) they usually don't feel guilty about it while the affair is happening. The guilt usually comes when they get caught and that fantasy bubble breaks and they see the pain that they've caused the family.
Plus, women have a hellva LOT more opportunities to cheat then men do. If a woman is determined to "hook up" on girls night out, you will be hard pressed to find a young heterosexual male to turn "it" down.
Many folks still however blame the husband. if he was man enough his woman would not have to sleep with another man. If he met her needs she would not be forced to seek attention else where.
There seems to be a greater sense of entitlement.
I agree with this statement. Now, that were in the times of Oprah, if a man cheats then he's a dog, he's a playa and lower than pond scum.
If a woman cheats, then there was a problem with the relationship. There was a breakdown in communication. He was emotionally unavailable to me, he showed no affection. He put up an emotional wall around himself.
So, if a guy cheats, it's his fault. If a girl cheats, it's still his fault....
Friend, I'm pretty damned alpha. I was even before I knew what the hell alpha was. The group of men I know whose wives cheated on them include a Deputy Sheriff, a captain in the state police, a CEO of a successful company, and a banker who is a Taekwondo state champ. None of these guys would be considered beta in any sense.
what a cr@p.Higher professional position held does not mean that they r not doormat.
such men only gets leftover after other men done with banging their wives and these doormats feel happy that they got their wives back.
I do think there is more cheating going on, all the way around. I think EAs abound because many folks do not even realize what they are. Technology has made this all too easy.
Probably the cheating is close to equal. BUT, more men and more women are cheating. I think that female infidelity has the momentum. I also believe that many women just kept it quiet. Many women prefer discrete men and / or men that have everything to lose from disclosure.
If you think about it, it is amazing that women do not out cheat men 100 to 1. Why? Because most women could walk into any social situation, especially with single men and decide which of at least a handful of guys they will have sex with. If this is what women wanted they could choose from a relatively small percentage of men and have sex with them. These men are any port in a storm.
If a reasonably good looking married woman wanted to have sex with a hot personal trainer she could just go pick one out.
I do not know where this pendulum of infidelity will swing. Potentially it could swing a very long way towards women having the opportunity to cheat.
But what is shocking to me is how many men seem to be willing to accept this infidelity.
Or comments like:
I know it was wrong but I snooped on her mail and found she is cheating on me. I feel so bad for snooping. Really? You feel you violated her!?
My wife has lots of guy friends she hangs out with. She goes to their homes and watches movies some nights, goes drinking with them and goes on short trips with them. I am cool with this.
I trust her completely. Marriage is based on trust. I am not controlling. So I never hassle my wife when she stays out all night, goes to Vegas with her divorced friends and sometimes stays overnight at her male friends apartment when she has had too much to drink. What a great friend she has.
My wife has gotten back in touch with a lot of her High School friends on Facebook. She dated a bunch of these guys. She can't wait to go to her reunion next month. It is 1500 miles from our home. I was going to go but I don't want to interfere with her catching up with her friends. besides she will be sleeping over a friends house and he does not have a lot of room.
I digress ... yeah I know the above is a dramatization ... but what is up with husbands!? What has happened to men. Men are just flat playing catch up and they don't even know what the game is about.
__________________
Rectitude--Courage--Benevolence--Respect--Honesty--Honor--Loyalty
"All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing."
"Why do we fall? So we might learn to pick ourselves up."
"It’s not who we are underneath, but what we do that defines us."
While our legal system keep on protecting these experienced predators there will be more and more happy marriages felling apart. They are smart enough to carry on their plans by systematicaly targeting their prey to a point of crushing your wife hidden “repressed desires” and making them vulnerable.
You can make them meet your .357 by only showing it to them but don’t point it at them, you will eventually end up in jail, how about that. The jails are full of these LB nice husbands.
We are only limited to expose the affair to the predator’s wife. That’s their worse fear. It reminded me of a poster here who opened a thread called “Perspective from a Serial Cheating Male”. Still remember the introduction to his quote: “ I never flirted or complimented a married woman that I didn’t want to nail” (This thread was deleted from TAM)
Predators
I guess you misunderstood me. We all make choices. We all have our boundaries. Understand I have not been married just two years. That makes all the difference to me.
Anyway, no matter how good a husband is there are no garantees in life. Some guys seem to enable this to happen with their wives.
__________________
Rectitude--Courage--Benevolence--Respect--Honesty--Honor--Loyalty
"All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing."
"Why do we fall? So we might learn to pick ourselves up."
"It’s not who we are underneath, but what we do that defines us."
Last edited by Entropy3000; 03-13-2012 at 12:44 AM.
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Re: WTF is wrong with Wives these days? 
Predators
