I have a women friend who is having an affair. For men, let me give you an explanation. She is a very nice, attractive woman who has a cold husband. He participates in few activities with her and is bossy and dominating. She tried to make things work without success and she accomodates him 80-90% of the time. I think because of the children and the fact he is a good father she does not want to ask for a divorce.
I write this just in case any husbands are in the same situation. While I cannot excuse her conduct, I can readily understand it, since talking to him, counseling, and other alternatives have done little.
So what is your point? That there are crappy husbands out there who deserve to be cheated on? Ok you made it. But if we were to use the same moral of your short story, shouldn't you also caution women, who are crappy wives, that they are sowing the seeds of being cheated on by their good but disrespected husbands?
She is a very nice, attractive woman who has a cold husband.
This attractive woman is having sex with another man and her husband seems to have noticed that his wife of X years is no longer engaging with him.
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He participates in few activities with her
She has activities that he is not invited to since she is leading a double life. One at home with hubby and kids and as much time as possible with Other man having sex.
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and is bossy and dominating.
Controlling too?
Perhaps he asks her where she is going and what she is up to when she vanishes, perhaps he wonders why her phone is glued to her hand all the time. Why she all of a sudden has pass locked everything. Why she refuses to answer simple questions.
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She tried to make things work without success
Then she should have left him. She should have done this when there was a chance of an amicable split. She didn't. She has chosen to have an affair and destroy him , her kids opinion of her and smash any trust they ever had in grown ups.. Way to go.
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and she accommodates him 80-90% of the time.
Meaning? She says "yes" to this man who she no longer loves and gives him disconnected emotionless sex?
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I think because of the children and the fact he is a good father she does not want to ask for a divorce.
She will lose half the assets, half the money, have to find a full time job and the kids will be from a broken home. Because.. she is having an affair.
I think this is the most common justification among cheaters. It is like saying "I needed some money and the bank manager wouldn't give me any, So I had to rob the bank. I did not want to hurt the bank manager". Cheating is ultimately very self serving, but the cheaters try to turn it around and make it seem that they are doing a great sacrifice by staying and keeping the family together.
For men, let me give you an explanation. She is a very nice, attractive woman who has a cold husband. He participates in few activities with her and is bossy and dominating. She tried to make things work without success and she accomodates him 80-90% of the time. I think because of the children and the fact he is a good father she does not want to ask for a divorce.
How could you say she is nice when she has an affair like that? Where are her morals? She stays in the marriage for children? Then why is she having an affair? For sex? For attention? For respect? How come he is a good father? Your statements are contradictory, dude.
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Originally Posted by Bobby5000
I write this just in case any husbands are in the same situation. While I cannot excuse her conduct, I can readily understand it, since talking to him, counseling, and other alternatives have done little.
I have a women friend who is having an affair. For men, let me give you an explanation. She is a very nice, attractive woman who has a cold husband. He participates in few activities with her and is bossy and dominating. She tried to make things work without success and she accomodates him 80-90% of the time. I think because of the children and the fact he is a good father she does not want to ask for a divorce.
I write this just in case any husbands are in the same situation. While I cannot excuse her conduct, I can readily understand it, since talking to him, counseling, and other alternatives have done little.
You also stated in your other thread that there is moral justification for cheating. This seems another installment of this same rhetoric. People have different value systems.
It seems she has confided in you about her affair ... You are willing to take a cheaters word on this. So she is willing to share herself with another man but stay in a cake eating relationship. Nice woman.
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I have a women friend who is having an affair. For men, let me give you an explanation. She is a very nice, attractive woman who has a cold husband. He participates in few activities with her and is bossy and dominating. She tried to make things work without success and she accomodates him 80-90% of the time. I think because of the children and the fact he is a good father she does not want to ask for a divorce.
I write this just in case any husbands are in the same situation. While I cannot excuse her conduct, I can readily understand it, since talking to him, counseling, and other alternatives have done little.
She is not "nice", nice people don't cheat, lie and expose their spouses to STD's. My H was convinced that he had "tried to make things work" too, and he did, just not with me. He sat on anything that bothered him and made me think that our marriage was ok, not unlike your cheating friend. She does not want a D, because she wants to go on having her cake and eating it too. BTW, you need to get a better class of friend.
I have a women friend who is having an affair. For men, let me give you an explanation. She is a very nice, attractive woman who has a cold husband. He participates in few activities with her and is bossy and dominating. She tried to make things work without success and she accomodates him 80-90% of the time. I think because of the children and the fact he is a good father she does not want to ask for a divorce.
I write this just in case any husbands are in the same situation. While I cannot excuse her conduct, I can readily understand it, since talking to him, counseling, and other alternatives have done little.
Nice? She is the most cruel of human beings. Her husband pledged the rest of his life to sharing a dream with her, and instead of forcing him to face his weaknesses, she snuck into a dark corner and made a mockery their promise to each other, turning his dream into a lie. She is heartless, cold and a coward. Words like nice and noble would only apply to her if she didn't seek the comfort of his wallet while banging another man.
See? I turned your childish romance novel into an illustration that uses words much like your own, just to "sell" a story to a crowd. We see it every week on this site - the noble woman who is kind, loving, and sh!ts golden eggs. Married to an ogre who wears the mask of a man. The truth is that she she is just a normal, yet weak human being who took the easy way out. We see the man come hear who feels like his life is cursed, and he falls prey to the other woman, breaking the heart of his perfect wife - yet he simply cannot seem to figure out how to be strong for her. The truth of your storybook romance is that her husband is a man who may deserve divorce, but offers enough to her that divorce is unnacceptable.
While I cannot excuse her conduct, I can readily understand it, since talking to him, counseling, and other alternatives have done little.
You can take her word for all this since history has shown us here on this board that cheating spouses are honest people that never remakes history and bad mouth their spouses in order to blame shift as they cheat. NOT!!!!!
Cheaters script:
* Remake history - check.
* Blame shift - check.
* Bad mouth spouse - check.
* Saying that the spouse is bossy and controlling because they question your lies and secrecy - check.
* Emotionally leave the marriage as you commit to someone else and then blame your spouse for reacting to this - check.
I have a women friend who is having an affair. For men, let me give you an explanation. She is a very nice, attractive woman who has a cold husband. He participates in few activities with her and is bossy and dominating. She tried to make things work without success and she accomodates him 80-90% of the time. I think because of the children and the fact he is a good father she does not want to ask for a divorce.
I write this just in case any husbands are in the same situation. While I cannot excuse her conduct, I can readily understand it, since talking to him, counseling, and other alternatives have done little.
Thanks for explaining...
But your friend is being a selfish wh0re. She should pull her head out and leave the guy if things are that bad. Sticking around for the kids is a lame excuse, IMO. And more harmful to them in most cases!
Even a cold husband doesn't deserved to be betrayed.
Your friend should of divorced her husband, then move along with a new relationship.
My ex was an abuser and unfaithful to me. I could not bring myself to date until after my divorce. Even though I moved out and moved very quickly. It wasn't until 3 months after our divorce I started dating. I couldn't even think about cheating even though I was cheated on.
I just found out less than a month ago that my wife of less than 2 years cheated on me while I was out of state, doing mandatory training for my job. I had no frickin idea. But I do know that she said the same crap your friend is saying. It's all BS. Cheating is NEVER justifiable. No matter how bad a relationship is... you can always leave. Cheating just makes it much, much worse. I would've rather chopped off my hand then have my wife cheat on me. If you were her true friend, you would stop her from this destruction. Real friends say what is hard to say, and support what is RIGHT. You are just enabling her to do this.
If you were her true friend, you would stop her from this destruction. Real friends say what is hard to say, and support what is RIGHT. You are just enabling her to do this.
By giving her emotional support for her destructive behavior, you are proving that you are no friend.
I can certainly appreciate the pain of infidelity. In this case, a woman in a past relationship had also cheated on him. Let me respond to comments.
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She is a very nice, attractive woman who has a cold husband.
This attractive woman is having sex with another man and her husband seems to have noticed that his wife of X years is no longer engaging with him.
No he is cold. This is not simply her perception but most other people. Others are offended at the way he treats her.
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He participates in few activities with her
She has activities that he is not invited to since she is leading a double life. One at home with hubby and kids and as much time as possible with Other man having sex.
Again mistaken. He chose not to participate in many activities such as parties, functions, etc. He chose to exclude himself from a family and not act as a couple, and she then had an affair.
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and is bossy and dominating.
Controlling too?
Perhaps he asks her where she is going and what she is up to when she vanishes, perhaps he wonders why her phone is glued to her hand all the time. Why she all of a sudden has pass locked everything. Why she refuses to answer simple questions.
Misplaced speculation. Obviously suspicion about her activities would be reasonable under the circumstances. He is dominant about other things, taking care of the children, reserving his own free time while delegating worker her, controlling money, choosing where to go and what to do. His dominance has little to do with jealousy. If he were caring and loving, but jealous, that would be understandable but it's not the case. I am not making a judgment about other situations, just this one.
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She tried to make things work without success
Then she should have left him. She should have done this when there was a chance of an amicable split. She didn't. She has chosen to have an affair and destroy him , her kids opinion of her and smash any trust they ever had in grown ups.. Way to go.
It's a tough call. She is concerned about her children and he is a good father. I would not disagree that a clean break would be the better thing than lingering on in a lousy relationship.
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and she accommodates him 80-90% of the time.
Meaning? She says "yes" to this man who she no longer loves and gives him disconnected emotionless sex?
Was not talking about sex (don't know enough about their love life). I am speaking about division of chores, money, free time, etc. I think she is looking for appreciation, caring, love, and affection, things she was not getting. Her efforts to improve the relationship, discuss problems, get counseling, were completely unsuccessful.
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I think because of the children and the fact he is a good father she does not want to ask for a divorce.
She will lose half the assets, half the money, have to find a full time job and the kids will be from a broken home. Because.. she is having an affair.
They make about the same salary, actually I think she earns a little more. I don't think they saved a whole lot, so I am not sure how much she would lose. I don't think she is happy doing this, but he does not seem to want to or be able to change, and she does not seem to be able to initiate a divorce.
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Explanation for cheating in women 
