5Creed

Quick recap; my STBX had an affair with a co-worker-he is her boss. She is still working at his office; however he is in another state and my children are visiting him right now for spring break. I have asked him not to bring my kids around her-which also means to his office-until the divorce is final because I do not want my kids to be around that b*tch; which he agreed to. (They are young and have no idea he had an affair with this woman-but they really like her.) I found out today that they went to his office after all. Is there anything I can do about this in the future until the divorce is final? I realize I can't control what happens there-but this really hurts me.

Almostrecovered

ask your lawyer

depends on your state

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FrankKissel

Unless it's explicit in the custody agreement, you don't have the right to prevent him from taking the kids to his office or over whom they interact in his presence.
Sorry.
And, unfortunately, unless he's willing to agree to it, you probably aren't going to win that in a custody ruling.
Hate to be the bearer of bad tidings.
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that_girl

You can only talk to him again and be firm in expectations.

I know it hurts I'm so sorry for how you feel right now. Like you have no control and it must be so frustrating and angering.

Take care of you Try to just breathe and ask if your children are safe. I'm sure they are fine. Maybe they just went to the office quickly to get something...

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5Creed

I do have a call in to my lawyer, and FrankKissel: this is what I was afraid of. I guess I was hoping that he would have the courtesy to keep his word to me about this one; but I guess I am not surprised with all the other lies that he has told me-sigh.

Almostrecovered

if the state allows for it get your lawyer to get an agreement in writing

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that_girl

DO NOT expect him to be honest or honor your wishes at all. He cheated on you. He doesn't care what you want. Get that delusion out of your head. Sorry to say it like that, but it's true. This is who he is...get used to it and take care of you.

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5Creed

Thanks that girl and yes-it is feeling so out of control about it all. I can just picture her hugging my kids, asking how they have been and acting how she used to with my kids when I had no idea the affair was ongoing. It feels like such a betrayal all over again.

crossbar

You can inquire about a restraining order against her being around your kids until the divorce is finalized. Siting it would be too confusing to the kids at this point of dissolution of the marriage.

5Creed

Yes-it is the getting used to this person that I don't know that throws me backwards once in awhile. I have done really well with remembering he will say one thing and do another; I can almost count on that. So glad I am far away from him now; but still hope my lawyer can do something about it.

that_girl

Well, at least she's nice to the kids. I mean, it's an ego blow to you but the kids are ok.

But I know what you mean. So, instead of driving yourself crazy thinking about this, what can you do for yourself today?

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5Creed

I will find something to do-and repeat the Serenity Prayer to myself over and over!

that_girl

If you have the money and time, go get a makeover. Seriously...new hair style, color....and some new makeup! Shave your body Do your nails. I know it's all silly stuff but it really can boost your ego to do for yourself and look your very best. Change is good. Whenever I'd break up with somone, I'd change my hair. New hair, new you

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naperken

As a single dad who had to put his kids on a plane to see their mom and the OM, I completely understand how hard this is.

Try to find some comfort in the fact that kids are smart. Even if they don't know all the details (which they shouldn't), they know that the OW is not their mom, never will be, and she had something to do with mom & dad not being together anymore.

One word of warning, be vigilant for your stbx to be engaging in parental alienation to paint the OW in a better light and don't succumb to it, yourself... it's not a road you want to go down.