So this isn’t really an infidelity thing but i am keen to get advice on this issue. My partner and i have been together 5 years, we are both 25. For the most part we have a strong relationship and get on very well. This may sound silly but in a week or say she is going on a night out with her friend from work (female) and wants to stay over at her house. Geographically speaking there isn’t really a reason that she has to stay at the friends place at all. Her reasoning is that this event there are going to goes on to the early hours and it would be handier for her to stay over.
On one level i wouldn’t want her getting a taxi back to our place at that time on her own so im kind off alright with this. I want to trust her more than anything in the world. I actually told her i wasn’t that comfortable with her being out so late and then not coming home, she didn’t really take it very well. I want to say now that i know for a fact she is going to this with a bunch of girls, its all been organised quite publicly, so i don’t think she is cheating on me or anything, i hope not anyway. My concern is that she handles drink quite badly, and im worried about that, ive had to go and pick her up a few times already and take her home because she was very drunk. She dosnt seem willing to compromise with this and said there is no point going if she cant stay over, i just dont see the logic in that really, maybe its just me. I need to learn to trust more and need your advice on this
These past few weeks have been the worst we have had as a couple because ive been giving her a hard time over it. I want to improve as a person because i have made mistakes since we have been together which if she had done them i would have left her. I feel like a hypocrite, i feel like we are drifting apart. Sorry for the wall of text but could do with some advice about this issue and how i could improve my relationship. Thanks in advance
IMO, if you are married or in a comitted relationship, you come home. Period. It's okay to go out with your friends, but certainly offer to come pick her up, anytime, anywhere, and you will get her home safely. Even if it's 4 am.
IMO, if you are married or in a comitted relationship, you come home. Period. It's okay to go out with your friends, but certainly offer to come pick her up, anytime, anywhere, and you will get her home safely. Even if it's 4 am.
thanks for replying, yeah thats how i feel really. Im kind of old fashioned that way, always have been. And fairness she dosnt do this kind of thing very often at all, 90% of me trusts her, but like i say, things between us havnt been the best recently
Lyrics - Well I don't know why I came here tonight,
I got the feeling that something ain't right,
I'm so scared in case I fall off my chair,
And I'm wondering how I'll get down the stairs,
Clowns to the left of me,
Jokers to the right, here I am,
Stuck in the middle with you.
__________________
This kind of cosmic dumbassery occupies a temporal plane of ineptitude and lack of reason so profound a Zen master could spend a lifetime meditating upon its philosophical consequences.”
Since we have been together i have kissed a few girls, always a one off, always while i had been drinking and the guilt kills me. The first couple happened within weeks/months of us getting together, i was young and stupid, the last time happened 2 years ago with someone i knew since childhood, she also has a boyfriend and we were just been stupid and drunk, we havnt spoken since.
I understand this behaviour is unacceptable and wrong
thanks for replying, yeah thats how i feel really. Im kind of old fashioned that way, always have been. And fairness she dosnt do this kind of thing very often at all, 90% of me trusts her, but like i say, things between us havnt been the best recently
Boundaries are not conditional on the way the relationship is at the current moment. It's a safety issue... and if its your boundary... it doesn't get tossed aside. Enforce it, or it's gone.
Sleepovers are for kids. Adults go home to their spouses. Your girlfriend is, as the lyrics say, stuck in the middle.
So, your girlfriend wants to go out with her friends, get drunk, and shake her assets in front of men who are looking for casual sex? And she doesn't want to come home? What could possibly go wrong? If she wants to get drunk with her friends, her friends can come over to your house, or she can go to theirs. If she wants to be ogled by a man, you're available. If she wants to be ogled by strange men, then she doesn't need to be in a relationship.
Since we have been together i have kissed a few girls, always a one off, always while i had been drinking and the guilt kills me. The first couple happened within weeks/months of us getting together, i was young and stupid, the last time happened 2 years ago with someone i knew since childhood, she also has a boyfriend and we were just been stupid and drunk, we havnt spoken since.
I understand this behaviour is unacceptable and wrong
Wow...your lucky she even wants to stay with you. I am on the fence of whether or not I can stay with my H for drunk make-out sessions. Alcohol is like a truth serum...you meant and wanted to betray your spouse -IMO.
Do you still drink? Or because of all the "guilt" have you stopped?
Between you cheating multiple times across the duration of your relationship (obviously trickling/minimizing) and her getting liquered up and staying out... That's a pretty spectacular dynamic for knocking down her inhibitions & moral boundries.
Wow...your lucky she even wants to stay with you. I am on the fence of whether or not I can stay with my H for drunk make-out sessions. Alcohol is like a truth serum...you meant and wanted to betray your spouse -IMO.
Do you still drink? Or because of all the "guilt" have you stopped?
i dont go out with my friends as much drinking anymore,i agree, the alcohol was no excuse
the thing is, married women and people in relationships go away with friends all the time, a part of me thinks there is nothing wrong with staying at her friends house, women usually go away together on hen parties and stuff, am i being a bit old fashioned about this? Why shouldnt i trust her, she has given me no good reason not too
When I was dating someone, I did stay at my friend's house all the time. It was closer to work and if we'd go out, then I'd stay. We weren't up to anything. We weren't doing anything "wrong". We'd go sing Karaoke, come home, talk and giggle all night (even in our late 20s) and hang out. I love that woman. She and I were friends years before and we're friends now. I dont' see anything wrong with that.
Now that i'm married, though, I wouldn't stay with her. I come home. Unless my husband also stayed with me at her house after going out.
When I was dating someone, I did stay at my friend's house all the time. It was closer to work and if we'd go out, then I'd stay. We weren't up to anything. We weren't doing anything "wrong". We'd go sing Karaoke, come home, talk and giggle all night (even in our late 20s) and hang out. I love that woman. She and I were friends years before and we're friends now. I dont' see anything wrong with that.
Now that i'm married, though, I wouldn't stay with her. I come home. Unless my husband also stayed with me at her house after going out.
thats interesting, she has made me feel like im being really silly about it, from getting some advice on this forum i see that im not being silly thinking what i do at all, the majority would see it as wrong really.
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