Boundaries: When to Say Yes, When to Say No-To Take Control of Your Life. By Henry Cloud, John Townsend - Running Press (2004) - Hardback - 160 pages - ISBN 0762421029
I used this book in the past. It is Christian. So it will have religious stuff in it.
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This kind of cosmic dumbassery occupies a temporal plane of ineptitude and lack of reason so profound a Zen master could spend a lifetime meditating upon its philosophical consequences.”
b/c he isnt a member. I just showed him this sight today. I post my agonizing moments on here so I havent really shared it with him(he moved to the kitchen for now)
Why is he in the kitchen? Real men don't cook OR do the dishes.
More on the subject. Again I come from a Christian worldview and many of these share that worldview.
1). Cloud, Henry. Changes That Heal: How to Understand Your Past to Ensure a
Healthier Future. Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan, 1990.
This book and its workbook will lead the reader through the dynamics of maturing in healthy togetherness with others and healthy separation from others.
2). Cloud, Henry. Changes That Heal Workbook: How to Understand Your Past to
Ensure a Healthier Future. Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan, 1994.
3). Cloud, Henry, John Townsend. Boundaries In Marriage. Grand Rapids, MI:
Zondervan, 1999.
This book will give you specific guidance on what healthy boundaries in a marriage are and are not.
4). Cloud, Henry, John Townsend. Boundaries: When to Say Yes, When to Say No,
To Take Control on Your Life. Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan, 1992.
This is a basic introductory book to the whole idea of boundaries.
5). Cloud, Henry, John Townsend. Boundaries Workbook: When to Say Yes, When
to Say No, To Take Control of Your Life.Grand Rapids,MI:Zondervan,1995.
6). Forward, Susan. Emotional Blackmail: When the People in Your Life Use Fear,
Obligation, and Guilt to Manipulate You. NY: Harper-Collins Publishers,
1997.
7). Hemfelt, Robert, Frank Minirth, Paul Meier. Love is a Choice. Nashville: Thomas
Nelson Publishers, 1989.
8). Hemfelt, Robert, Frank Minirth, Paul Meier, Deborah Newman, Brian Newman.
Love Is A Choice Workbook. Nashville: Thomas Nelson Publishers,1991.
These two books address the co-dependency that many family members and friends of the mentally ill struggle with.
9). Kreger, Randi, with James Paul Shirely. The Stop Walking on Eggshells
Workbook Review.
10). Kreger, Randi,and Kim A. Willams-Justensen. Love and Loathing: Protecting
Your Mental Health and Legal Rights When Your Partner Has
Borderline Personality Disorder.
11). Lawson, Christine Ann, Ph.D. and Jason Aronson. Understanding the Borderline
Mother: Helping Her Children Transcend the Intense, Unpredictable, and
Volatile Relationship
Dealing with this mental illness within a family calls for wise and firm boundaries. This book offers practical insights and instruction where Stop Walking on Eggshells only touches on lightly. The two books together make an awesome pair. This book is quoted at length in the workbook for SWOE.
I’ve used this book in counseling with adult children of a “Mommy Dearest” type. It is not only descriptive of the four types of these mothers but also prescriptive in how to relate with each type within healthy boundaries. Some may find a surprising insight about fibromyalgia and other auto-immune deficiency diseases in this book.
12). Mason, Paul T., Randi Kreger, and Larry J. Siever. Stop Walking on
Eggshells; Coping When Someone You Care about Has
Borderline Personality Disorder New Harbinger Pubns (July 1998)
While this book is written specifically for dealing with one mental illness,
I find its principles solid and transferable to help anyone to stop walking
on eggshells around them and reclaim their own life.
13). Melville, Lynn. Breaking Free From Boomerang Love: Getting
Unhooked From Borderline Personality Disorder Relationships
14). Roth, Kimberlee and Freda B. Friedman. Surviving a Borderline Parent: How to
Heal Your Childhood Wounds & Build Trust, Boundaries, and Self Esteem.
Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publishers, Inc., 2003.Review.
15). Tinman, Ozzie. One Way Ticket to Kansas: Caring about Someone
with Borderline Personality Disorder and Finding a Healthy You
16) Whitfield, Charles L. Boundaries and Relationships. Deerfield, FL: Health
Communications, Inc., 1993.
This is a very thorough book on much more than just personal boundaries. (my favorite!!!)
__________________
This kind of cosmic dumbassery occupies a temporal plane of ineptitude and lack of reason so profound a Zen master could spend a lifetime meditating upon its philosophical consequences.”
Boundaries: When to Say Yes, When to Say No-To Take Control of Your Life. By Henry Cloud, John Townsend - Running Press (2004) - Hardback - 160 pages - ISBN 0762421029
I used this book in the past. It is Christian. So it will have religious stuff in it.
Thanks. i appreciate your KINDNESS. Btw, How did your weekend go w/your wife?
No More Mister Nice Guy - forget the author (?Glover?) - is the usual book of choice.
But HE'S the flirt in these situations?
Sorry about the pillow comment. Your post looked kind of liked something else...
He returns it heavily when given which of course keeps it going. Its an ego thing I think. And he just doesnt seem to get boundaries even in other situations....his mother, his friends etc.
Thanks. i appreciate your KINDNESS. Btw, How did your weekend go w/your wife?
OK for the most part. I triggered sucked it in till Sunday afternoon. We were at the hotel and right at the elevator were brochures for local attractions and there were brochures for the place the OM worked and where my WS would pick him up to have sex. I did not know that part of the place the OM worked was a tourist attraction. Saw them dam* brochures everytime I got on or off the elevator. Finally told the wife on Sunday when she asked why I was angry. I told her we can't even get away from this crap without it slapping me in the face.
__________________
This kind of cosmic dumbassery occupies a temporal plane of ineptitude and lack of reason so profound a Zen master could spend a lifetime meditating upon its philosophical consequences.”
OK for the most part. I triggered sucked it in till Sunday afternoon. We were at the hotel and right at the elevator were brochures for local attractions and there were brochures for the place the OM worked and where my WS would pick him up to have sex. I did not know that part of the place the OM worked was a tourist attraction. Saw them dam* brochures everytime I got on or off the elevator. Finally told the wife on Sunday when she asked why I was angry. I told her we can't even get away from this crap without it slapping me in the face.
Bummer. And yes they plague us. Was she at least understanding? My H is just starting to learn about triggers. I hope you managed to do some bonding anyway.
Bummer. And yes they plague us. Was she at least understanding? My H is just starting to learn about triggers. I hope you managed to do some bonding anyway.
She did.
We had a long talk last night. When I got back to my apartment I tried to call her. My son told me she was sleeping (it was late) So I texted her. I stink at doing the text thing. Sent a text at midnight and then at 2 A.M.
I have lost it. I just can't deal with it anymore and need peace. I told her via text that when i come home tomorrow I will leave my cell phone at home. i will not be getting on the computer to check our accounts. I said I will be giving her full access to her computer, FB and all our accounts (some of which I changed the passwords). I told her I will no longer be checking on her. I apologized for breaking up her relationships with guys she had worked so hard to establish and that I will no longer interfer with her hooking up with men. i said I will no longer check on her and do not want to know where she is or what she is doing. I said I do not want access to any of our accounts and asked her to change all the passwords once I give her access. I told her I am done checking and holding her accountable.
She called me first thing this morning and asked me if I am OK that she is worried about me and that she said I have done what any husband would have done. I said I am sorry for breaking up your love relationships and I will never check on her again or do it. i said she is free to do whatever she wants. I said I had it. I said I will not talk about the affair or her issues. I said I will come home on weekends, do chores around the house, and am looking forward to moving into our new home and that is it. I said we can have a half open relationship. I will remain clean and she can do whatever.
I am done checking and driving myself nuts. My new mantra is I do not care.
She keeps calling me saying she loves me and is making my favorite food. I said if this is to change my mind then don't. She said don't give up the phone I like talking to you. I said keep talking because after tomorrow the phone is gone.
__________________
This kind of cosmic dumbassery occupies a temporal plane of ineptitude and lack of reason so profound a Zen master could spend a lifetime meditating upon its philosophical consequences.”
We had a long talk last night. When I got back to my apartment I tried to call her. My son told me she was sleeping (it was late) So I texted her. I stink at doing the text thing. Sent a text at midnight and then at 2 A.M.
I have lost it. I just can't deal with it anymore and need peace. I told her via text that when i come home tomorrow I will leave my cell phone at home. i will not be getting on the computer to check our accounts. I said I will be giving her full access to her computer, FB and all our accounts (some of which I changed the passwords). I told her I will no longer be checking on her. I apologized for breaking up her relationships with guys she had worked so hard to establish and that I will no longer interfer with her hooking up with men. i said I will no longer check on her and do not want to know where she is or what she is doing. I said I do not want access to any of our accounts and asked her to change all the passwords once I give her access. I told her I am done checking and holding her accountable.
She called me first thing this morning and asked me if I am OK that she is worried about me and that she said I have done what any husband would have done. I said I am sorry for breaking up your love relationships and I will never check on her again or do it. i said she is free to do whatever she wants. I said I had it. I said I will not talk about the affair or her issues. I said I will come home on weekends, do chores around the house, and am looking forward to moving into our new home and that is it. I said we can have a half open relationship. I will remain clean and she can do whatever.
I am done checking and driving myself nuts. My new mantra is I do not care.
She keeps calling me saying she loves me and is making my favorite food. I said if this is to change my mind then don't. She said don't give up the phone I like talking to you. I said keep talking because after tomorrow the phone is gone.
Dont give up Thor. I know it sucks. I know it hurts. I know you wanna cut your heart from your chest but dont give up.
I usually don't recommend books on this subject because I'm not a big fan of the common ones cited these days, but in my opinion, "Fire in the Belly: On Being a Man" is a book that every man should at least read. Talks about some very fundamental concepts about what it means to be a man in todays world.
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Re: Books for my husband to 'man up' 
