Oh, the porn thing. Seriously? So what would you do if he really had been banging a real OW? Please, it's not even in the same ballpark as what REAL BSs suffer.
In all fairness, having experienced both a porn addiction and cheating from the same guy... the porn issue *did* hurt a lot, especially as it is an issue that a lot of people dismiss because they like their porn. If you are a SO of a porn addict you bear the brunt of a lot of stigma (if you have a problem with porn you obviously have a stick up your bum, you're sexually repressed, you're crazy, etc) as well as self-esteem issues.
The cheating hurt a lot more, for sure... but people are also more supportive of someone who was cheated on physically than of someone whose SO "just" replaced them with pornography.
To summarize: Both situations suck and hurt. Getting cheated on hurts way more and in a different way, but I would hope that BSs would have some empathy for the type of situation scarlett went through.
Unless she wanted to/was tempted to cheat though, I don't understand how she could be on the WSs side of the argument though. o.O Maybe it is because of the sexual nature of the OP?
Or pathological co-dependency or guilt or religion or family or pure idiocy.
Nothings speaks of love as much as cheating on him/her I guess
But she is working on it! Slater says so. YOu have already crucified her and you haven't met her. Slater says she is trying hard. What else would you have her do? Just curious.
But she is working on it! Slater says so. YOu have already crucified her and you haven't met her. Slater says she is trying hard. What else would you have her do? Just curious.
Not cheat for 3 years?
There are affairs and there are long term affairs.
What would you think if I went to a rape forum and told the women there, who had been raped, that if only they had been kinder and more understanding to their rapist that they wouldn't have gotten raped in the first place? Do you think that would go well? And before you go high and mighty on me that comparing infidelity to rape is ludicrous, you should read the following:
So what is the point in this? Simple in that until you experience firsthand the devastation of marital infidelity, you have no idea how traumatizing the experience truly is.
Look, I am not going to argue that you went through trauma, but you can't be seriously comparing cheating to rape. I am not saying the poster's point isn't valid, but it is only anecdotal and not even in the same ball park.
I guess I am here because I am hurting too. My ex is now in CO living with his new GF and ready made family (she has two children who call him daddy that are my kiddos ages and genders). His whole family turned on me in the divorce. His mother helped him steal our house and now he lives with her (long story I won't bore you with). He was a workaholic who never came home because he didn't want to deal with my Post-partum depression. He never listened to me. He thought of me as nnothing more than a child/mommy whom he got to shuck. It is not the cheating that wounds. It is the betrayal of someone who is supposed to love you more than anything/anyone in the wold. The betrayal can be quick and profound or it can take years to build. But the hurt is the same.
Yes, she needs to be rewarded with more love because she was banging another man for 3 years.
I like that!
Although I didn't get a bang from the other man but I'm being rewarded with more love.
And you know what?... it feels so good to be loved and fulfilled by my H.
And it feels so right that I'm now my husband's priority!
My husband makes sure I first, I want , I everything!! Fantastic! I ended my EA.
We fk more and I get more oral sex from him. It's just damn good. I'm so happy for his change & his love !
This is the happy marriage I'm talking about.
In all fairness, having experienced both a porn addiction and cheating from the same guy... the porn issue *did* hurt a lot, especially as it is an issue that a lot of people dismiss because they like their porn. If you are a SO of a porn addict you bear the brunt of a lot of stigma (if you have a problem with porn you obviously have a stick up your bum, you're sexually repressed, you're crazy, etc) as well as self-esteem issues.
The cheating hurt a lot more, for sure... but people are also more supportive of someone who was cheated on physically than of someone whose SO "just" replaced them with pornography.
To summarize: Both situations suck and hurt. Getting cheated on hurts way more and in a different way, but I would hope that BSs would have some empathy for the type of situation scarlett went through.
Unless she wanted to/was tempted to cheat though, I don't understand how she could be on the WSs side of the argument though. o.O Maybe it is because of the sexual nature of the OP?
I am not on the woman's side. I am just saying it all hurts. All of it. My pain, your pain, his pain, her pain. In life, we go through some serious pain.
My issue is that he is complaining mainly about the fact that she is not giving him sex like he'd like it. I just found the whole thing incomprehensible. 1) I don't know why he'd want to have sex with her if he didn't want to show her or think/feel she deserved love. 2) She is working hard on their relationship. When the BM says that, can't you take it to heart that it is true? At least, should we doubt it? 3) She gave him clear (and simple and sweet) guidelines to Just be more loving to her. What can it hurt? But instead of talking about whether or not he feels he can be loving to her right now (which would be understandable), he talks to us about the way she has sex with him. I think it's shallow and hints of selfishness on his part. (Please note: I am not saying she wasn't selfish). 4) Three years is a long time for an affair, and I know this isn't fair, and perhaps I just don't understand, but how could he not have noticed? Was he being distracted with something else? Not trying to blame the victim, but a victim becomes a survivor when s/he owns up to their end of the deal. The woman walking half-naked down a street at night in an unsafe neighborhood does not deserve to be raped. However, when she acknowledges her part (which was stupidity/ignorance only), she learns and can move on. Whereas, if she didn't learn, she would remain stuck there indefinitely. My dad abused me as a child and adult. When I acknoledged as an adult that I don't have to have a relationship with him, I became a survivor. 5) I know it is difficult to understand, because our societal standards, but I don't think cheating is any more reprehensible than any of the other awful things we do to one another. Here is an example: My husband hits me and I cheat on him. Who is the wrong doer? Who is more guilty? If you say the man, what if the roles were reversed? What then?
It almost looks like a cheating wife is bragging her cheating husband "loves" her.
This world, I swear.
Okay, I acknowledge your point. That is just a little more than crazy.
Well, I gotta grade some papers. I was having an awful and sleepless night. Thanks for the debate/chat. I mean no harm. Actually, I care a great deal, probably more than I ought sometimes.
sex with her at this point is not a trigger. Thanks for all of the insight from everyone. I think I have been trying to punish her. I will make an effort to show her more that I lover her and see how that affects her. I do not have a key logger- her computer is a work computer so I cannot do that. With her new job, she will be getting a new phone, a personal phone so I will add a tracker to that when she gets the phone.
Hey! I just noticed you were being good & reasonable.
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Re: F me Like she F'ed Him 
