We are 2 months into R. She is doing just about everything I ask, and MC is helping. She seems to be taking full responsibility. The OM no longer works with her and she is maintaining NC.
One issue though. She is having sex with me regularly but it seems uninspired. She thinks I should be happy to be getting it regularly. I want her to be passionate, and do for me all the things she did for him. I know she opened up somewhat with OM.
She says mentally she is not there b/c I am not showing her love, she is doing most of the work. I think she should want to do all those things and more to keep me. I feel my being here still after the 3 yr affair is showing her plenty of love.
What do you all think? Is she still connected to him? She says it had been "over" for awhile and she has no feelings for OM. I am not so sure.
If the sex is uninspired on her side I would say she is trying to convince you that she no longer is interested in the OM or just keeping you busy while she continues her affair underground.
When she says you are not showing her love what does she mean? Are you putting up a wall and not communicating or does she feel like you aren't forgiving her? Posted via Mobile Device
We are 2 months into R. She is doing just about everything I ask, and MC is helping. She seems to be taking full responsibility. The OM no longer works with her and she is maintaining NC.
One issue though. She is having sex with me regularly but it seems uninspired. She thinks I should be happy to be getting it regularly. I want her to be passionate, and do for me all the things she did for him. I know she opened up somewhat with OM.
She says mentally she is not there b/c I am not showing her love, she is doing most of the work. I think she should want to do all those things and more to keep me. I feel my being here still after the 3 yr affair is showing her plenty of love.
What do you all think? Is she still connected to him? She says it had been "over" for awhile and she has no feelings for OM. I am not so sure.
3 YEARS!! OMG. And now she is saying that she is not in the marriage mentally (translate: emotionally/not in love with you). She is blaming her lack of work and commitment on you. This is BS. She should be doing most of the work to help you recover and not complaining about anything. You are correct that you have shown her plenty by simply staying with her at this point. She is having sex with you because she feels obligated - not because she wants/needs it. But, you already know this.
Why are you staying? How long have you been married? Children?
3 years of lying, cheating, betraying. I don't think I could get over that. Can you?
When she says you are not showing her love what does she mean? Are you putting up a wall and not communicating or does she feel like you aren't forgiving her? Posted via Mobile Device
I am communicating, for sure. I think she feels I am beating her up (emotionally) over the affair by bringing it up often and continuing to ask questions. She has seriously under-estimated the damage she has caused and my emotional state.
Married 10 yrs- 3 kids. I am here b/c of the kids. And a slight hope we can rebuild what was once a good marriage.
She Only has been in R for 2 months? Sorry to say this, but if she's been doing him for three years,she isn't back to being your wife after two months.
Right now she hopefully is actually not seeing him any longer and is going through grieving.
While she is doing this, you need to be verifying that she really has ended all contact. Do this for the next couple of months while she gets him out of her.
Only then when he is really gone, and you have verified it, then will you be ready to begin R. Posted via Mobile Device
not sure I see logic in affair still going on underground. I outed her to both families. At this point, if she wanted him, it would be easier to leave the marriage than stay.
not sure I see logic in affair still going on underground. I outed her to both families. At this point, if she wanted him, it would be easier to leave the marriage than stay.
Maybe she didn't get any "real" consequence's from her affair and willing to take chances for another round?
Don't stick it out for the kids hoping for her to come back to you IMO. If that's the only reason you're staying in the marriage then you're gonna be in for a rude awakening in the future.
If she can't open up to you also and still blames you for her not having the passion she should have for you, show her the door and let her be on her way.
OMG - She was screwing him for 3 years? Why would you even want to be with someone who would humiliate and disrespect your for 3 years? It seems to be she is the big winner here. She screws her lover for 3 years and has a husband to come back to because he wants to stay married to her.....Why? She clearly has no respect for you whatsoever. Have you both been tested for STD's. If the roles were reversed do you think she would have accepted you back. If you do not respect yourself then who will?
OMG - She was screwing him for 3 years? Why would you even want to be with someone who would humiliate and disrespect your for 3 years? It seems to be she is the big winner here. She screws her lover for 3 years and has a husband to come back to because he wants to stay married to her.....Why? She clearly has no respect for you whatsoever. Have you both been tested for STD's. If the roles were reversed do you think she would have accepted you back. If you do not respect yourself then who will?
If you expect her to be all into you after 3 years of an affair, then you are being unrealistic.
She chose to preserve the marriage, apparently. That does not mean she's fallen back in love with you.
It sounds to me like you are trying to punish her rather than to reconnect. You want her to jump through your hoops--by acting like she is all into you. It would be wrong for her to do it while she does not feel it.
You have every right to ask questions about the affair and not to trust her. BUT you have a responsibility to find out what YOU were doing/not doing that turned her off of you in the first place. When you fix that, you may find she comes back to you fully, b/c that isn't going to happen out of her guilt.
If your anger over the affair makes it impossible for you to look at what the marriage was like when it was not going great for her (which is when she should have left rather than having the affair, of course, but that's water under the bridge), then you won't see progress. A strong and mutually satisfying marriage doesn't end up with an affair. Something was broken before that point. Rewind to that point to figure out your part of repairing the marriage. If you cannot even try to be a better husband b/c "what she did was so much worse" (and it was), then just divorce now.
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F me Like she F'ed Him 
