Coming up on 7 months since D-day and I'm just tired. Basic plot, wife had EA with a neighbor friend of mine. She's shown remorse but basically has taken the path of least resistance during R.
I had to cut off a toxic friend and the OM(so I got to be the bad guy twice). The OM trickle truthed his wife so she wanted to stay friends with my wife(she teaches at our kids school and again, only lives a few houses down from us). I initially never set no contact with OMW because assumed she wouldn't want to communicate with my wife after the EA but I guess she is rug sweeping. I finally had a talk with OMW and thought we were on the same page with moving on and having no contact between our families(again, I was the bad guy for having to stop the communication).
This morning, I find a text from OMW to my wife and it obviously in response to a text my wife sent. Get this. My wife asked OMW to ask OM about an electrical problem going on at my wife's work(OM works for the power company). Is it too much to have a spouse that will step up, accept responsibility and make the sacrifices and steps needed to help me heal? A friendship with OMW means that OM is still loosely in the picture.
A big problem in our marriage was that I was never put first in her priorities. Her family, our kids, her job, her friends, all seemed to come ahead of me during the first 10 years of our marriage(married 11 years this past weekend). I allowed that to happen and never complained. In counseling following D-day, I let her know that I would not be second again. She realized that it was true and has been trying to make me and our marriage her first priority but now it seems her friendship with OMW is above me. I think part of it is her massive guilt for wronging this woman but really, my wife needs to woman up and let OMW that our marriage is first and she needs to go no contact. I'm tired of having to constantly point out what my wife needs to do in order to repair our marriage.
We are moving in two weeks to get away from this neighborhood and I'm half tempted to just sell our house but not close on the other house. My two kids(ages 9 and 5) are the big reason I want to work for R but damn, she needs to work for it too.
I really believe she is remorseful and I do verify she is not contacting OM anymore but it's tiring that she is not proactive in our recovery.
I had to cut off a toxic friend and the OM(so I got to be the bad guy twice). The OM trickle truthed his wife so she wanted to stay friends with my wife(she teaches at our kids school and again, only lives a few houses down from us). I initially never set no contact with OMW because assumed she wouldn't want to communicate with my wife after the EA but I guess she is rug sweeping. I finally had a talk with OMW and thought we were on the same page with moving on and having no contact between our families(again, I was the bad guy for having to stop the communication).
This morning, I find a text from OMW to my wife and it obviously in response to a text my wife sent. Get this. My wife asked OMW to ask OM about an electrical problem going on at my wife's work(OM works for the power company). Is it too much to have a spouse that will step up, accept responsibility and make the sacrifices and steps needed to help me heal? A friendship with OMW means that OM is still loosely in the picture.
A big problem in our marriage was that I was never put first in her priorities. Her family, our kids, her job, her friends, all seemed to come ahead of me during the first 10 years of our marriage(married 11 years this past weekend). I allowed that to happen and never complained. In counseling following D-day, I let her know that I would not be second again. She realized that it was true and has been trying to make me and our marriage her first priority but now it seems her friendship with OMW is above me. I think part of it is her massive guilt for wronging this woman but really, my wife needs to woman up and let OMW that our marriage is first and she needs to go no contact. I'm tired of having to constantly point out what my wife needs to do in order to repair our marriage.
We are moving in two weeks to get away from this neighborhood and I'm half tempted to just sell our house but not close on the other house. My two kids(ages 9 and 5) are the big reason I want to work for R but damn, she needs to work for it too.
I really believe she is remorseful and I do verify she is not contacting OM anymore but it's tiring that she is not proactive in our recovery.