Jellybeans

Sorry.
That is rough.
His non-answer says it all.
I would file for divorce and call it a day. No treating him with any kind of "wifely" affection/care/support.
He made his choice. Slap him with divorce papers and child support (alimony if applicable) and carry on with your life.

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Exposure Letter

Letter to OM/OW

AngryandUsed

Sorry to hear that Pluto.
Stay strong.

Sad. I dont understand how WS threw away a marriage of 27 years + kids. Perplexing. What is in his mind, huh?

Prayers to you and your kids.

Stay strong.

Affaircare

Unfortunately for some people, the pain of facing themselves and what they've done and doing the work to correct it...is more painful than the pain of losing a decades old marriage, children, a home, and a life.

I'm so sorry Pluto. I do encourage you to not be vindictive but also don't "let him off the hook." Even if he wants to "run away" he has responsibilities to you and to the children whatever their ages may be. Just remember that if you do allow him to experience the consequences of his choices--he's likely to say some things like "you aren't being loving" because you're not protecting him from the consequences of the choice HE MADE or mopping up the disaster afterward. Don't listen to that. Just remember it show confidence in him that he can handle it...and is the most loving thing you can do to let him make his own choices, experience the consequences, and (hopefully) learn the life lessons he needs to learn.

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Helping couples recover and reconcile after an affair or keep their marriages affair-free at Affaircare.

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brokenbloke

Talk to a good divorce lawyer right away. I dont know the laws in your state, but I wouldn't be surprised if he thinks he can completely sever his financial obligations by leaving. Raising kids are expensive and on your own now you'll need that. Good luck to you and your daughters. Just remember, he was lucky to have had you. I wonder if the OW knows what she's in for. Hell be moving in and carrying all that emotional baggage with him. Unpleasant realities will set in once they start living together.
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sd212

Just wanted to add how sorry I am that you had to go through this. Sounds absolutely horrible. You do seem to have your head on straight though and know that your kids are your priority. Good for you. Be strong and like everyone said, serve him up.

Thorburn

Stay strong and lawyer up. It is sad after all those years. Just stay away from young pool boys. Not a good way to rebound.

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This kind of cosmic dumbassery occupies a temporal plane of ineptitude and lack of reason so profound a Zen master could spend a lifetime meditating upon its philosophical consequences.”

River1977

Pluto, you don't have to be vindictive (unless you want to LOL), but you definitely cannot afford to be nice. You already made that mistake by offering him some time. You seem to think being nice will make you look like the civil one, but it will be to your own detriment and sore regret. Act right now to protect yourself and your children. I hope you went early this morning to the bank and withdrew half. Go to see an attorney tomorrow to expediate a support decree. The attorney will know what to do when you tell him/her that your husband plans to leave the state. If possible, an injunction might even be necessary until the financials can be worked out. I don't have any idea what the attorney will recommend or what can be done. I'm just trying to let you know that you have to move post haste to get everything taken care of. His OW is not going to like it and will try to prevent him from having to pay spousal or child support. The less he has to pay, the more she figures she will access to. Don't stupidly think that being nice and taking the high road will spare you anything. It won't. You and the kids will get shafted in the worst ways.

For those reading and going through marriage counseling or thinking about counseling, this is not the kind of counselor you want to see. It makes one partner feel good that finally someone understands, agrees with them, and is on their side. But it places the other partner in an awful position, one that no one wants to be in. They will withdraw and nothing will get accomplished.

A good counselor never takes sides no matter how badly the offended or battered spouse (physically battered or emotionally battered, etc.) may feel they need someone to tell the offender how badly they have treated them and point out all their faults. A good attorney will gain an understanding of the problem(s), and then go about the business of helping the couple reverse their failing marriage. S/he will not constantly tell one of them how wrong they are for that partner to end up feeling it is just "one big blame session." Anyone would reject that kind of treatment, will never open up, and will never change.

Pluto2

I disagree about the MC. He didn't take sides and did not tell husband things were his fault. H suffers from major recurrent depression with paranoid tendencies and the counselor's suggestions to me to try to diffuse various situations were interpreted by H as blaming him. The MC repeatedly told us there was no fault, he was trying to help both of us cope with his disease. I will say he was not willing to give H a free ride about the consequences of his actions by pointing out that when he screamed at his family, they would retreat because people don't enjoy that kind of treatment. One of the problems we had was that H didn't want to deal with his disease or anything else. The MC gave us exercises to help us communicate better and H refused-said he didn't need someone telling him how to talk, all the while screaming his head off and throwing something across the room. After several months on meds his anger did get better, but the communication didn't-obviously.

I have contacted an attorney. To a certain extent I'm almost feeling like getting child support from him will be like getting blood out of a stone. He hasn't worked in three years. So I can get an agreement that says he has to pay me, but collecting it will be another matter. The guilt over what this is doing to the girls is setting in. I know I'm not the one who broke our vows, but I married the jerk.