sadmaninvegas

It ended due to drugs on his end, I am hoping that this has helped her grow.

Even at 28 I am still learning a lot about my self and anyone is a fool to think they can be with someone that is 24 that is 100% sure of who they are.

sadmaninvegas

Do you think it means she does not love me?

rrrbbbttt

No one ever gets over that intimatcy with their spouse or fiancee is no longer exclusive.

She broke her vow to you at the begining, she cannot be trusted and you will never be able to fully trust her again.

Sorry, but for the rest of your life you will always be looking for red flags and if you don't look you will get it right between the eyes.

Regroup, move on she is not worth your time effort and dedication.

From your posts you will always be the giving partner and she will always walk over you. Save yourself from always questioning is she true to you or did she just settle for you because you stayed. If she settled you have a long painful marriage ahead of you.

Lon

Really good word of the day for you to learn... the "N" word, and it's the good one: Next

norajane

Not in the way you love her. Even if she is saying she loves you, love doesn't mean the same thing to her that it does to you.

She is selfish, and selfish people are not capable of unselfish love. She really, truly would NOT "do anything for you". She is all about herself, not you.

that_girl

I don't think the OP wants to hear anything that he doesn't want to hear.

It's a pity too because this will ruin him.

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norajane

He should read the threads in the Infidelity forum, and see how difficult it is for anyone to rebuild any trust, even after a many years long marriage. Keyloggers, polygraph tests, constant vigilance of cell phones, texts, emails and who she's chatting with on Facebook, and who's that new guy she keeps talking about at work?...

That is what lies ahead of him.

Jonesey

I completely agree.He is setting him self up for years of missery
down the line...

__________________

Beowulf

Seeking R is certainly justified when you have years invested in the relationship. Seeking R is certainly justified when there are children involved. There are many reasons to seek R. Even when there are extremely good reasons to seek R it is damned hard and most often fails even though there is so much to rebuild the relationship on and around. OP you don't really have a lot of good reasons to seek R. You do not have decades of time invested or children that need to be considered. And your "wife" has shown a level of immaturity that should give you pause even if she hadn't been unfaithful. You need to think this over very carefully before you make any decisions.

bryanp

Maybe you should ask yourself why would you wish to love a woman who you were talking about marrying when she has sex 3 times with another man behind your back in the past mont and puts your health at risk for STD?

Don't be an idiot. If you screw another man a couple of times while you both are talking marriage what do you think she will do after you are married? She does not love you. You don't have sex 3 times with another man while your boyfriend talks about marriage.

Get tested for STD's and find someone in the future who you can trust and who can respect you and your relationship. This woman cannot and is absolutely toxic to you. If you do not respect yourself then who will? Good luck.

warlock07

I think it means that she is not ready for marriage yet. Or a long term relationship. She woldn't have slept '3' times if she was in love with you. She would have confessed after the first time. She is not at all ready for a marriage like you are. If if you decide to stay with her, postpone the marriage for atleast 3 years. Co-habit but don't marry. Also get tested for STDs

NotLikeYou

sadmaninvegas, it appears that everyone is skipping answering your questions and going straight to giving you advice.

Bad, bad NAUGHTY commenters!!!!!!!!

Can there ever be trust again?

Sure. You can absolutely, positively 100% decide to trust her not to go have sex with other people in the future. Whether or not she actually stays loyal to you, I can't guarantee, other than to say that the best predictor of future behavior is past behavior. It's up to you.

Will you ever believe she loves you again?

Well, that depends on a bunch of things, including what you think "love" is. But at a minimum, it will require her saying and doing things that indicate to you that she does in fact love you.

Okay, now that I've answered your questions, I get to move on to advice, too.

Person, it doesn't seem like whether or not she loves you really matters. What seems to matter is that YOU love HER, to the point of being desperately afraid of losing her. Instead of being angry and upset that she chose to have sex with another man, you are looking for any excuse to ignore her infidelity, because you don't want to face the reality that, while YOU love HER, SHE doesn't love YOU.

So there are a bunch of coping mechanisms out there for you to adopt, such that you can continue to love your girlfriend and pretend that she loves you back.

Don't talk about it.
Don't ask questions when she goes out, or doesn't come home.
Be happy with what she gives you.
Ignore your own wants and needs.

None of these coping mechanisms will make you a better, healthier person. They constitute TERRIBLE advice. I don't recommend them. But they seem to be what you are looking to do.

If you want to be a better healthier person, I recommend severing ties with your girlfriend. You will save yourself a lot of mental and emotional misery. Find some other girl, one who loves you for who you are, and doesn't have sex with other men. Get some hobbies. Do things you like to do yourself.

Good luck.

Entropy3000

Stop having sex with her. Let her go. This is not the woman you want to marry. You had entered a trial period and found she is not committed to you. She has destroyed the relationship. If you were married and had not children I would say the same thing.

So let her go and do not look back.

__________________
Rectitude--Courage--Benevolence--Respect--Honesty--Honor--Loyalty
"All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing."
"Why do we fall? So we might learn to pick ourselves up."
"It’s not who we are underneath, but what we do that defines us."

crossbar

In my opinion? Not as much as you love her. Even if things were rocky and even if you were fighting. I speculate that cheating on her during that time never even entered your mind.

She jumped ship the moment she got a fleeting feeling for some other dude. She gave her body to some other guy. She did things to him that were supposed to be reserved for you. She let another man run his hands all over her naked body. And, I venture to say that she let him do things to her that she would never allow YOU to do. (sorry, comes with the cheating territory) But, of course, she'll probably tell you that sex with the OM wasn't good. Uh huh, that's called sparing your feelings. Because she went back again and again. Oh, I wouldn't believe that it was only three times. Dude, I hate to say it. It was more.

Now, she can come back and SWEAR it was three times. Okay, I can go with that example. But, I would think that it was three NIGHTS. So, the first night could have been on the couch for the first time, then moved to the bedroom for another roll in the hay, then a BJ in the middle of the night. Then, again in the shower in the morning. Cheaters will only tell you the bear minimum to make it not seem as bad as it really is.

I know that what I wrote might make you upset, but you really need to look at things outside the box.

Now, do you really believe that she loves you just as much as you love her?

Entropy3000

She is not the woman you loved. You need to let her go. You need to go full NC with her. You will go through withdrawal and realize what she has done to you.

Have some self respect. There are faithful loving women ouyt there. Go find one. This is not the woman you are looking for.

We understand what you want but she destroyed that.

__________________
Rectitude--Courage--Benevolence--Respect--Honesty--Honor--Loyalty
"All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing."
"Why do we fall? So we might learn to pick ourselves up."
"It’s not who we are underneath, but what we do that defines us."