bryanp

Incredible denial. After she screwed him one time did she say to herself what she did was wrong? How could I have done this to my boyfriend when we talked about marriage in the future?...No she then screwed him again later a second time. Did she then say how could I have been so stupid to cheat on the man I supposedly love?.....No she then screwed him a third different time. She then tells you what can she do to make you trust her?.....This is absurd.
Good luck in being in denial. She sounds very special. I am sure that you are very proud to be her boyfriend. Good luck.

sadmaninvegas

If I do, and no I am not sure how things are going to turn out. But if I do there will be boundaries up the ass.

I have talked to her and told her if we try to work things out she will have to drop all male friends and be ok with me checking every little thing she does.

She said she is ok with that, well I dont plan on doing it I want it to be ok.

I think we need trust to work things out..

sadmaninvegas

No ****, you must of been hurt really bad or just have little faith in humans.

People are not perfect and everyone ****s up.
I want to learn how (if) I can help us work things out.

Entropy3000

Explain. You are going to take a leap of faith and trust her? Huh? Am I reading this wrong?

Be aware blind trust is lazy and indicates ambivalence. You have to work in a relationship. Just wanting to trust is not putting in the work. Dhe has proved at best she needs he spouse tp not trust the situation.

Anyway, good luck and hope you are able to find yourself in a happier situation someday. Right now you are digger hole deeper for yourself.

www.marriedmansexlife.com

__________________
My marriage to my wife Donna is a love story. -- Jim

Take My Breath Away

sadmaninvegas

No, I will not take a leap of faith.

There will be a lot of trust we will have to rebuild. But I dont want to spend every min of the day thinking something is wrong.

I want to give trust, and have her show me she should get more.

warlock07

For starters, not sleep with other people.

sadmaninvegas, why do we have to convince you not to stay in relationship or marry this woman? Why is it our problem?

sadmaninvegas

6 years ago I was a cheater, and now I have been with this girl for about 3 years.

Never have I cheated on her, and I still would not.

People changes, I also know what its feels like to cheat on someone you love.

I have done that once and I felt bad. . I felt really bad!

So people do change and people can feel bad.

crossbar

Yeah, she's proven to be the poster girl of what trust should be.

Saffron

Please, please, please listen to what posters are saying.

Many of us have been betrayed and understand the incredibly hard uphill battle it is to R. Even after decades of marriage and children, it is not an easy road. On top of dealing with the massive betrayal and hurt, there is a tremendous amount of self-reflection and growth that needs to happen before you can move towards R. Plus it most likely should and will involve years of counseling and therapy.

To answer your question about trust . . . no, you will not trust your girlfriend like you did before her infidelity. Nor should you want too. Over time she may earn some trust back, but you should not trust her blindly or 100%.

Does she love you? Not as much you thought she did. It's a hard reality to swallow, but her needs and desires were more important than yours. A person doesn't change overnight. She may say she'll do anything to keep you, but talk is cheap and she's already proven she can lie. Actions & attitude will be stronger indicators of where you place in her life.

You're young, only two years into the relationship, and no kids. Think long and hard if you want to spend the next 50 years wondering if this woman is telling you the truth. If she ever becomes pregnant, the first thought in your head will be "I wonder if it's mine." If you don't think that will be your first thought, then I don't think you've fully processed the depth of her betrayal yet. Once you have, the decision to leave may be an easier one.

Saffron

I do believe people can learn from their past and not cheat again. But just because you learned your lesson, doesn't mean your girlfriend will. She's still so young and you can't assume this experience will affect her the same way your cheating affected you.

Think of it this way . . . what were the consequences of your past cheating? Was their one particular consequence that made you realize you never wanted to cheat again?

kittykat09

No, she does not love you. If she loved you, she would never have hurt you in this way. This was not a "mistake," it was not an "accident." She did it multiple times. There was forethought.

I know how badly you want it to work. When I look at my past relationships, there is one I had where I thought he was my soul-mate. I loved him so completely, and there was something about his touch... it was like feeling all the love in the world, channeled through one being.

He changed. He lied to me, he tortured me intentionally by doing things he knew would cause me pain, he wanted me one day and didn't the next, he cheated on me (with men and women), he manipulated me. I let him torture me for at least half a year because I wanted *so badly* to fix things. He finally ended it (the night before my birthday, lawl).

It WAS torture, don't doubt me on that. I developed an autoimmune disorder that year from the amount of emotional distress he put me through. I was sick for years, throwing up every day. I'm 5 foot 9 and at my lowest I weighed 110 pounds. For days after he left me, I would start screaming to try to let some of the pain out.

I wish I had had the confidence and the self-esteem back then to end that hell. I deserved more. Deserve more. Everyone deserves more. I still catch myself thinking he was my soul-mate and that he screwed it up... and I'm happily engaged to someone who has been with me for going on 7 years. He has taken care of me when I was at my sickest, loved me at my worst, and encourages me to be my best. I love him and I am so extremely lucky... everyone should have someone like my fiance.

Some things can't be fixed. She doesn't love you. Someone who loves you does not try to have a baby with you one day and have sex with someone else another.

I know you want it to work. I *know* you want it to work. But it won't. What she has done can't be taken back, there isn't enough "sorry" in the world that should keep you in this relationship.

No matter what she says, she has shown you...

She does not love you.

norajane

I don't think you understand that your relationship was not on solid ground before she cheated. It's not like she was so in love with you, and loved you so much, and then just cheated out of the blue accidentally. Nobody does that.

She cheated for a reason - she's not IN this relationship in the same way you are, she exited the relationship to be with someone else, and if she had been so in love with you and if she had loved you and wanted a warm, wonderful relationship with you that never ever would have happened.

When someone cheats two years into a relationship, that is a sign that the relationship isn't working. It's not solid. It's not built on anything solid. There are major problems there.

So it's not just that you need to figure out how to get over this, it's also that you both need to be honest about what was not working between you even before the cheating.

And she isn't being honest with you, not entirely. WHY did she cheat when you're talking about marriage and actively trying to have a baby? She had feelings for her friend....uh-huh, and why would that happen? Why did she turn to her friend instead of you? Because there were problems between you. And problems that SHE has - they are called "issues" and we carry them into every relationship and they cause us to screw it up until we deal with it. She is self-sabotaging in order to get out of this relationship with you. That's why she told you about the cheating.

Love, as wonderful and amazing as it is, does not conquer all.

bandit.45

For the first time I find myself wishing an OP would get cheated on again. Seems a fourth or fifth time is what it would take to knock some sense into this guy.

Its really, really pathetic if you step back and look at it.
Posted via Mobile Device

river rat

Yes, you love her, but she is broken, and she will only hurt you again. Fixing herself will take a complete commitment on her part, and years of therapy. There are personality disorders that cause people to behave this way. None of them are easy to treat, and they are intractable to some degree. BOTTOM LINE: Walk away while you have your own mental health intact.

67flh

sad, many years ago i was in the same boat as you. gf cheated, i still married her(dumb,dumb) 8 months after being married she cheated with another man..there's only 2 reason why she did it again. 1 cause she was a ho and 2 cause i didn't respect myself enough to toss her away after the first time she cheated.if you don't respect yourself she sure as hell ain't gonna respect you.