She was going to be my wife, now I dont know what to do.
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Navigation »Talk About Marriage »Focused Topics »Coping with Infidelity » She was going to be my wife, now I dont know what to do.

Coping with Infidelity Relationship recovery from the destructiveness of infidelity.

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Old 03-26-2012, 03:39 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Default She was going to be my wife, now I dont know what to do.

I have been with this girl for two years and we have been talking about getting married and having a kid, we were even trying to have a baby.

About a week ago she told me she had feelings for a friend, and after a lot of fighting we wanted to stay with each other.

She did everything to keep him out of her life, and we have been getting better.

Now last night she told me she had sex with him, three times in the last month. She did not want us to get better with this out there.

I dont know what to do, I love her but this hurts so much.

Is there a way to make it better or is it better to walk away? Can there ever be trust again?

Will I ever believe she loves me again.

I could really use some help here.

Thank You
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Old 03-26-2012, 03:45 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: She was going to be my wife, now I dont know what to do.

You now have to repair the marriage before you even married. And it doesn't seem you were the only one she tried to have baby from.

Not saying you shouldn't look for reconciliation as an option, but give it a long, hard thought.
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Old 03-26-2012, 03:45 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: She was going to be my wife, now I dont know what to do.

Time to say good-bye.

You will always be questioning her. It will come between you two and that will drive her away from you.

Walk away now before kids are involved.

You should both be tested for STD's.

And for your own sake, no sex without a condom.
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Old 03-26-2012, 03:49 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: She was going to be my wife, now I dont know what to do.

Run don't walk. When someone shows you who they are believe them just think you didn't have to
Find out who she was 5 yrs from now with a child in the picture
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Old 03-26-2012, 03:53 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: She was going to be my wife, now I dont know what to do.

Run for the hills.

I can't count the number of stories that are similar to yours. This is a massive red flag, almost a mercy of some sorts that you're able to get out without being tied down with kids.

If she's already cheating before you tied the knots, you should know what you're in for. You love her, but she doesn't love you, otherwise she wouldn't have done what she did. She's not marriage material.
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Old 03-26-2012, 03:59 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: She was going to be my wife, now I dont know what to do.

Dump and move on. She ended your relationship and threw away the future when she cheated repeatedly with him. That was a very clear choice she made which showed how very little she values you and your love. Bottom line: she didn't value it, and willingly exchanged it for a few hours in the sack with this other guy.
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Old 03-26-2012, 04:01 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Default Re: She was going to be my wife, now I dont know what to do.

You were trying to have a baby and she had sex with someone else during that time. I'm sorry, but that is unconscionable.

For that alone, I'd walk away from this relationship. You can't have a strong marriage with someone who thinks like she does.

Be grateful she didn't get pregnant with this guy and try to pass it off as your child.
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Old 03-26-2012, 04:02 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Default Re: She was going to be my wife, now I dont know what to do.

But I love her and want to believe she is sorry, I want to be with her.
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Old 03-26-2012, 04:03 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Default Re: She was going to be my wife, now I dont know what to do.

Well...the best advice I would give you is to leave. She showed an incredible amount of insensitivity by sleeping with your friend; that alone hsould be enough. Granted that she told you the truth but I just could not imagine staying in a relationship with someone after that, you would not be able to be completely and truly intimate with her with all those mental images and you will never trust her. If you stayed with her after something like that what would that say about you? Plus you should consider yourself lucky to not have any kids with her nor too many shared assets that would have made this situation hell. I would suggest giving yourself time to think about it but ultimately you should break it off and focus on getting better. You don't want to take her back and regret it again when you are old.
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Old 03-26-2012, 04:04 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Default Re: She was going to be my wife, now I dont know what to do.

I know it doesn't seem like it now but you just received an incredible gift. If this had happened after you married and after you had children it could have been much worse. She is obviously not ready to be married.
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Old 03-26-2012, 04:08 PM   #11 (permalink)
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Default Re: She was going to be my wife, now I dont know what to do.

Quote:
Originally Posted by sadmaninvegas View Post
But I love her and want to believe she is sorry, I want to be with her.
I would guess that what you really would want is for her not have had sex with another man. But she did. You can't just sweep that under the rug and pretend it didn't happen.

Just because someone is "sorry" doesn't mean that they didn't (knowingly) choose to damage the most valuable things in a relationship: trust and fidelity. She did damage it, and "sorry" doesn't change that. Again, you can't just sweep that under the rug and hope it never happens again.

She "had feelings" for a friend and went ahead and acted on those feelings, even after 2 years with you, even after trying to have a child with you. Why? Doesn't that show you that her feelings for YOU aren't the same as your feelings for HER? She may have decided to stay with you because she knew things wouldn't work out with her other sex partner friend.

I know it's hard, and painful. But there are other women out there that you can love and who will love you, women that will not be skanking around behind your back and making you wonder if your kids are your own.
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Old 03-26-2012, 04:10 PM   #12 (permalink)
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Default Re: She was going to be my wife, now I dont know what to do.

Oh god, please put any baby activity on hold.

If you stay with her, what's to stop this from happening again? Does this sound like she's ready to get married...?

She took what you had together and threw it away for something very fleeting and worthless. The repeated times show you that it wasn't a "mistake."

Things to think about...
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Old 03-26-2012, 04:12 PM   #13 (permalink)
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Default Re: She was going to be my wife, now I dont know what to do.

Dump her stanky ass.

Dude. Wake up! She's no bueno.
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Old 03-26-2012, 04:14 PM   #14 (permalink)
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Default Re: She was going to be my wife, now I dont know what to do.

Quote:
Originally Posted by sadmaninvegas View Post
But I love her and want to believe she is sorry, I want to be with her.
You're just delaying the inevitable (again)
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Old 03-26-2012, 04:17 PM   #15 (permalink)
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Default Re: She was going to be my wife, now I dont know what to do.

What if the OM got her pregnant and she rushed you through a quickie marriage? Then you find out the child isn't yours? Did this cross your mind? More importantly did it cross hers?
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