The crazy thing, is that I enjoy going to work to see her there. The weekends are long and the weekdays are short! So crazy. I wake up before the alarm. I come to work early. Usually I go late...
Time to do the rubber band trick.
so you've already started an EA, one sided, but it's still an EA.
Been there, done that. I once worked with a guy who was really good looking and very very funny. We were buddies, nothing more. Then, I had a sex dream about him and started to look at him differently. I never noticed but he had the hots for me as well. We had an EA and all I could think of was him.
IT TOTALLY SCREWED UP MY LIFE. My infatuation, even though I didn't take it anywhere made me see my husband differently. Made me want to be out of my marriage. Made me want to be 15 again. Made me view my husband as a father figure and I resented him like crazy.
I know it seems innocent right now, but it only takes one thing and you will have made a huge mistake you will have trouble living with. It is natural to be attracted to people even when you are married (you are not dead after all). Its what you do and how you handle the situation that makes all the difference in the world. The problem is we idealize these people and think they are just what we are looking for. After I woke up and put together the pieces of who he really was, I was horrified.
By the way, it has been over 10 years since this happened to me. If I would have left my hubby for this other man, I would have been living with a sex addict who would cheat on me at every turn. He also likes beastiality videos, wants to watch his wife screw another man, and has a gallon of lube next to his very large porno collection. How do I know this? He still sends me email once in a while to "fish" about my marriage. I don't answer, but some of his emails get pretty detailed.
I would like to take issue with the suggestion that the woman should be removed form her post with a good reference. there is no basis for this what so ever. It is as much an abuse of power as to shag her would be.
Lets forget the moral and ethical issues for a moment,not that they aren't the most important part of this-A man is only as good as his word, and you gave your word to your wife when you married her!
Look at this from a purely rational viewpoint. I don't know if you own the business or not. If you do, and you pursue this, you will likely end up left with nothing.
The employee will sue you for Sexual Harassment and take half of your business. Your wife will divorce you and take the other half. You will have lost your marriage, be broke, be alone, and be known far and wide as That Guy who is willing to step out on his wife. Good luck digging out of that hole. Do you really want to be out on your @ss in the dating market as a broke, unemployed cheater? You don't want to be That Guy.
If you are an employee of the business, when the employee sues, you will lose your job, you'll end up divorced, be broke and unemployed, and again, be That Guy.
It is really only a question of whether a lawsuit from the employee comes sooner or later.
Any relationship you try to have with the employee might well get shot down quickly. How much fun will work be to go to then? Talk about embarrassing and awkward 8 hours a day, 5 days a week, for god knows how long. You now have an employee who is bulletproof and can do whatever she wants because YOU CAN'T DISCIPLINE HER for anything!
OR
If your attempts to develop something don't get shot down quickly by her and things go somewhere, it will eventually end. Relationships like this always do. You will have a scorned ex-lover as well as a scorned wife, both of whom are in very strong positions of power over your future.
Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned, and the quickest and best routes for the two scorned women to get revenge is through a Divorce suit and a Sexual Harassment suit.
Boy, that doesn't sound like much fun to me. What do you think of those options?
I would like to take issue with the suggestion that the woman should be removed form her post with a good reference. there is no basis for this what so ever. It is as much an abuse of power as to shag her would be.
Nobody ever said life is fair. If the OP can't exercise the willpower to keep out of trouble, it isn't fair to the other completely innocent employees of the business to risk their jobs from a Sexual Harassment suit that could bankrupt the business.
Being a boss means a responsibility to the business and all of the employees, and the needs of the business and the many other employees outweigh the needs of any individual employee.
Being a boss means making lots of decisions that suck.
I recall feeling that way about a woman a few years back; similar situation in the workplace. But my sense of honor wouldn't allow it. Get in touch with whatever you value about yourself and get over it. Get another job if necessary. Believe me, as so many on this site could tell you, it ain't worth it. The pain and destruction you sow over this woman will be with you forever.
Be wary of peolple who connect with you so easily, most likely they do the same thing with other people as well, and they leave a trail of personal wreckage behind them. Posted via Mobile Device
Tell your wife now.Do it! it will be painful to tell your wife this but no nearly as painful as when she finds out you have been unfaithful. Tell her, you can do it. I wish my H had.
Thanks for the advice. Just needed some sense knocked into me.
Do other people in marriages ever feel this tug too?
It seems to me that the pursuit of a girl is thrilling. Something that's kind of lost once you're married.
Of course they do but the honorable ones walk away.
You do realize that relationships that start in infidelity only 3% of them survive. These kind of relationships are very very high risk and with almost a miniscule chance that this would even work out for the long term..so really why bother??
Of course this is normal, it has happened to me before, and is likely to happen to everyone. You just have to keep in mind that this is just a chemical reaction in your brain and it will pass.
Try going into the bathroom just after she has taken a dump. It can help to break the spell.
LOL...that's funny! I said something similar to my H...I said to him that while you guys were chatting on Yahoo Messenger she was probably sitting on the toilet pinching a loaf off..(sounds crude but I couldn't help myself)
LOL...that's funny! I said something similar to my H...I said to him that while you guys were chatting on Yahoo Messenger she was probably sitting on the toilet pinching a loaf off..(sounds crude but I couldn't help myself)
It was a joke but the point is a serious one. After years of marriage, kids and domesticity the mystique disappears.
You can't compete with a new person, so we have to remind ourselves that the object of our infatuation is just another human being, carrying around 4 to 9 pounds of warm fecal matter.
The crazy thing, is that I enjoy going to work to see her there. The weekends are long and the weekdays are short! So crazy. I wake up before the alarm. I come to work early. Usually I go late...
Time to do the rubber band trick.
Of course you enjoy seeing her--fantasies are always intoxicating. Remember that you are not seeing her in the morning without makeup; you do not have to negotiate with her over household chores; you do not have to figure out together how to discipline your children.
Attraction to other people is natural. It is what you do with this feeling that determines what kind of person you are. Do not throw away your marriage over a fleeting feeling of lust.
How about just STOP. Seriously, you are her boss. And married.. Don't be shady.
Quote:
Originally Posted by endlessgrief
By the way, it has been over 10 years since this happened to me. If I would have left my hubby for this other man, I would have been living with a sex addict who would cheat on me at every turn. He also likes beastiality videos, wants to watch his wife screw another man, and has a gallon of lube next to his very large porno collection. How do I know this? He still sends me email once in a while to "fish" about my marriage. I don't answer, but some of his emails get pretty detailed.
Why haven't you blocked his emails if this was 10 years ago? Yuck.
No contact = no contact at all whatsoever
Quote:
Originally Posted by hisfac
The hunter gives up the thrill of the chase in exchange for the deer head and antlers he gets to mount over the fireplace. He gets to sit there and look at it, night after night, he can even stroke it if he so desires but after 20 years or so it's going to start showing signs of wear and tear, maybe even mold and fungus if it wasn't prepared correctly by the taxidermist. At which point the old hunter just might yearn for the chase of another young doe..
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Re: infatuation 
