I've been with my current spouse 9 years (married 5).
No kids.
Recently (2 weeks) hired a new employee at the work place.
She has a boyfriend. I'm her boss.
For some reason, I'm completely infatuated with her. Like getting married type of infatuation. Everything about her just seems right. We share the same hobbies. I know its wrong to think like this, since I've always looked up to people who are faithful in their marriages. I just can't get her off my mind. I've been reading articles on the internet on trying to read body language. Trying to decipher how she feels with no luck.
I shouldn't even be doing that, since I have a wife at home that loves me.
I'm completely infatuated with her. Like getting married type of infatuation. Everything about her just seems right. We share the same hobbies. I know its wrong to think like this, since I've always looked up to people who are faithful in their marriages. I just can't get her off my mind. I've been reading articles on the internet on trying to read body language. Trying to decipher how she feels with no luck.
I shouldn't even be doing that, since I have a wife at home that loves me.
Advice?
Will it get better?
It could get a LOT better but don't do anything until and unless you divorce your wife and she breaks up with her boyfriend.
Finish one thing before you start another, it's the honorable thing to do.
Also you gotta find out if she feels the same way before you make any major decisions regarding your own marriage.
Wow I am willing to bet you really do not know this person at all. Think you have created an ideal of who this girl is and the fact that you are her boss and a married man.
Grow some integrity here. Nothing about this is right and you should go home, get some MC with your wife, beg her forgiveness for being lead off by your little thinker.
stop reading about ways to figure out if this girl likes you back and start reading about marriages and how to become a better husband. That would help a lot in your case.
Thanks for the advice. Just needed some sense knocked into me.
Do other people in marriages ever feel this tug too?
It seems to me that the pursuit of a girl is thrilling. Something that's kind of lost once you're married.
But you can chace your wife still. Hunt her down, think about blowing her mind. start making your wife your prey again. you should think about "lighting her fire." in new amazing ways. There is a thrill in that. Woo her all over again.
If you think about the goal and work it to a creative level then you can feel that feeling, of Conquer, for your wife.
I would say that some people do feel the tug. Feeling something and acting on it are two different things.
It seems to me that the pursuit of a girl is thrilling. Something that's kind of lost once you're married.
The hunter gives up the thrill of the chase in exchange for the deer head and antlers he gets to mount over the fireplace. He gets to sit there and look at it, night after night, he can even stroke it if he so desires but after 20 years or so it's going to start showing signs of wear and tear, maybe even mold and fungus if it wasn't prepared correctly by the taxidermist. At which point the old hunter just might yearn for the chase of another young doe..
Thanks for the advice. Just needed some sense knocked into me.
Do other people in marriages ever feel this tug too?
It seems to me that the pursuit of a girl is thrilling. Something that's kind of lost once you're married.
I wish with all my heart that my H had told me that he was attracted to a young co-worker. He thought it was harmless and he didn't want to upset me. She pursued him and flattered his ego. He loved it. If he had informed me, we could have talked about why he was thinking the way he was and how we could come together to make our relationship stronger. He didn't tell me and the rest is our sad history. We have lost something that we can never get back. I still have times when I wish that I had left him. It is very hard to forgive someone for willingly causing this much pain for no better reason than selfishness and a cheap thrill.
I had a couple of employees who my downstream managers hired that I went WAY out of my way to avoid and spoke to as little as possible because I found them extremely attractive and I was very vulnerable at the time.
I am the darned business owner and I was afraid to go into parts of my own building because I felt a biological pull I had never experienced before, and hope I never feel again. To be honest, even now, just writing about it, I can still feel the draw. I can't think of the words to describe it. The fact that I was receiving uninvited indicators of interest from the employees made it even harder to stay away on a primal level, but made alarm bells ring even louder on a rational thought level. It surprised me how the feelings came seemingly out of nowhere overnight.
I had never experienced an adult "crush" before since being married, but fortunately, I very quickly recognized it for what it was and stayed as far away from the employees as possible. "Good Morning" and "Good Night" were as far as my conversations extended, except for the absolute minimum business talk I needed to engage in with them. I avoided ANY personal talk. It took more willpower than I ever would have thought it would.
I recognized that there was absolutely no upside to getting to know the employees in question. Nothing good was going to come of any outcome in the situation. I would at best/worst end up:
A. Making a fool of myself-and probably getting sued.
B. Ending up in some sort of relationship-and probably getting sued.
C. Becoming emotionally invested in something that I didn't want to become invested in, and suffering guilt/shame/pain, as well as causing guilt/shame/pain.
All three options would be modeling poor behavior for my children, hurt my spouse, hurt me, and probably lead to divorce. They would also be very contrary to my moral code.
I stayed away from the edge of the slippery slope because I was afraid of what might happen if I started down it just one half step. My moral code was feeling pretty weak for a while, and I have always been strong as a freaking Oak when it comes to morals.
Avoid temptation by not ever putting yourself in tempting situations. If you can't avoid those situations, let the person go. When we had a short-term downturn, I made sure that the employees who I felt the pull towards were the first to be laid off. I am glad I made that choice. It wasn't really fair to the employees, but it needed to happen for the sake of my family and my own sake.
Rational thought can win out over biology if you want it to.
You are bored---you are in a same old, same old---place,--- in your mge.
Mge is hard work----
Get a rubber band, put it on your wrist---and everythime you start to think of this younger, so called hot chick---snap the rubber band 4 or 5 times REAL HARD---to wake yourself up
You were once infatuated with your wife, as you are now---why don't you start doing some of those spicy things that you think about with this girl, do them with your wife-----SPICE UP YOUR MGE---go out on dates---do things
That snapping rubber band, had better wake you up---otherwise you are headed, for a destruction you have no idea of what its like----nuclear winter, will just be mild.
Been there, done that. I once worked with a guy who was really good looking and very very funny. We were buddies, nothing more. Then, I had a sex dream about him and started to look at him differently. I never noticed but he had the hots for me as well. We had an EA and all I could think of was him.
IT TOTALLY SCREWED UP MY LIFE. My infatuation, even though I didn't take it anywhere made me see my husband differently. Made me want to be out of my marriage. Made me want to be 15 again. Made me view my husband as a father figure and I resented him like crazy.
I know it seems innocent right now, but it only takes one thing and you will have made a huge mistake you will have trouble living with. It is natural to be attracted to people even when you are married (you are not dead after all). Its what you do and how you handle the situation that makes all the difference in the world. The problem is we idealize these people and think they are just what we are looking for. After I woke up and put together the pieces of who he really was, I was horrified.
By the way, it has been over 10 years since this happened to me. If I would have left my hubby for this other man, I would have been living with a sex addict who would cheat on me at every turn. He also likes beastiality videos, wants to watch his wife screw another man, and has a gallon of lube next to his very large porno collection. How do I know this? He still sends me email once in a while to "fish" about my marriage. I don't answer, but some of his emails get pretty detailed.
The crazy thing, is that I enjoy going to work to see her there. The weekends are long and the weekdays are short! So crazy. I wake up before the alarm. I come to work early. Usually I go late...
Of course this is normal, it has happened to me before, and is likely to happen to everyone. You just have to keep in mind that this is just a chemical reaction in your brain and it will pass.
Try going into the bathroom just after she has taken a dump. It can help to break the spell.
You should consider:
1. The girl already has a boy friend. May be they are planning marriage. Would you like to put this girl in guilt? If you truly respect her, will you do this?
2. Suppose, your wife is fatally attracted to your neighbour. Imagine. How will you feel?
My advice to you is to remain a boss. And thats it. Stop yourself from imagining or pursuing her.
If you do pursue, you are only causing hurt and pain to the girl you like. Dont be selfish.
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