Ok i've been Married for 13 years now and for the most part it is great, we have 2 awesome kids a boy 9 and a girl 6(My world revolves around them.) my wife was 19 when I met her and I was 27, She was a virgin(only been on one date before) and I had been Married once before(She had a PA) for 3 years while in the Military(the only other woman I have been with)...So here is the problem, about 10 years ago we started hanging out with another couple I'll call them George and Gracy we would go to movies, dinner, camping...things where fine and the when my wife turned 21 Gracy wanted to take my wife out for a "girls night out" I had no problem with this...I told my wife she could dance with the girls but we have a rule "We don't dance with strangers"...it has to be friends or friends spouses, OK heres the problem I new sometimes George would go out with them and my wife would dance with him( Not A problem) I liked him being there in case someone got out of hand but one evening I went out with them and what I saw shocked me! They where all doing this Dirty dancing crap...I wen't out to the Dance floor and said WTF! everybody including my wife told me to calm down and that it was just Dancing! Gracie then grabbed my hands and put them on her hipps and started slowly rubbing her Butt on me...I didnt much care for it! and the "good time mood" was broken. Afterward I told my wife that I don't mind her dancing with George but I did'nt mean like that! She told me that It's just dancing and she would never cheat on me! I began calm down and wonder if maybe I was over reacting...Long story short George and Gracy Divorced due to George not having any ambition and we stopped seeing them for years after they split...this dancing thing never came up after our first child was born...we have always been really happy but about a month ago my wife and I went to a casino and had a great time Until we got to the Dance Floor and then all these memories just hit me...and I could'nt wait to get out of there...I asked my wife if there had been anything going on with George...here is her official line:
1. We just danced.
2. There was no sex or exchange of bodily fluids what so ever.
3. He never hit on me.
4. I admit that kind of dancing is not appropriate but I was young and thats just how people danced.
5. I won't do it again.
I don't think my wife had a PA but im not sure about a EA, I can't stop mulling this over in my mind, I keep replaying it. I suggested going to counseling( for this and some communnication issues) but she says im the one that needs it and theres no problem...I just don't know what to do or say and I would really like to get a female point of view on this matter, Thanks for your time.
Sorry,but this is a man here.Hope you don't mind my 2 cts.You're probably making a mountain out of a molehill.That happened a long time ago and like your wife said she now finds it inappropriate.She's matured as a person.Has she been a good wife and mother? You haven't said otherwise,so just love,respect and trust the woman she is now.Did you not do anything when you were younger that you find inappropriate now?By the way,why aren't you taking your wife out to dance yourself once in awhile?She would probably love it if you did.Take care.
I agree w/ TBT. People sometimes do things that are just immature ( ie, stupid), but they really don't mean much. In that context, I wouldn't be alarmed. If you don't see any other inappropriate behavior, don't obsess over this. Be well.
Has your wife given you any reason not to trust her in recent years? Don't let past insecurities rob you of a future with your wife and children. Concentrate on those blessings you have today. Let the past stay in the past.
You just had what is called a "trigger". Getting on the dance floor with your wife triggered a return of the shocking memories of seeing your young wife dirty dancing with George. All the emotions and shock of that sight hit you again. I think that you were a little surprised that the memory affected you like it did and were a little overwhelmed.
I don't know. It seems strange that she would say that there was no sex or exchange of bodily fluids. It implies that there were other things that they did do.
Yes, I agree with you, such a response is strange. Did you specifically her this particular question, or did you just in general ask what happened and she then answered with said reply? I think that is important. In once sense I agree with the others that this isn't a big deal...IF she is giving you the full story. But she may very well not be. It also doesn't bode well that she is being defensive. What I would do is this: sit your wife down for a "talk". Tell her you want to discuss something important so she knows to take it seriously. Then begin by saying unequivocally that you have there suspicions/worries/anxieties etc regarding the dirty george dancing. Just share that it is really bothering you and that you'd like to get over it and move on. Make it clear that you aren't accusing her of anything but that you'd just like to dispell these worries etc. If she loves you she should understand where you're coming from and be willing, for your sake, to help you get past this. She has nothing to hide afterall, right. Now, if she gets defensive, I think that is a red flag. Try again, calmly, clearly, rationally, to explain that this is very important to you. She should let her guard down if she has nothing to hide, just as a potential suspect will willingly go into a police station for questioning if he is innocent. So watch for that. If she is defensive about discussing this I would worry. Now if she agrees to discuss it, start the questions slowly, moving from small issues onward. Don't ask if they slept together but ask stuff like, did you and george ever speak alone (Texting, phone calls etc). Yes? No? Did you two ever hang out together alone? Yes? No? Start with that line of questioning and see what she says. If she is being truthful from the start she should be able to provide detailed, expansive descriptions concerning Posted via Mobile Device
Their friendship. Now if she admits stuff like, yes we spoke on the phone quite a bit, or hung out together, or says anything that in any way contradicts her initial story she gave you...red flag. She is tricke truthing you in that case. If that's the case I would suspect the worse, or something worse than what she's told you so far. You'd have to keep digging and trying to get her to be honest with you. You could say, if she changes her story at all from the first version, that she must come fully clean now or else it's a problem. Now all this being said, i'm giving you this advice if it's the worst case scenario. It may very well be that she's already told you everything and you have nothing to worry about. But you shouldn't, I believe assume that yet. Her being defensive about this and her saying "no fluids were exchanged" is pretty suspect IMO. in saying no fluids were exchanged it seems to suggest, at the least, that SOMETHING was going on, whether an EA or something physical. Good luck Posted via Mobile Device
Her saying no exchange of bodily fluid, or sexual intercourse occured is her quoting our "Rules of Indfidelity"...sorry I should have been more clear on that. and she has never been alone with George at all... our "Rule of Social Interaction" States if my spouse:
1.Doesnt know you well
I don't interact with you, and of course that applies to my wife as well, There are some issues Im having with PTSD and Deppresion, does anyone think this might be why I'm going off on this!