04-01-2012, 06:19 AM
Join Date: May 2010
| | Re: Mad
Originally Posted by Pit-of-my-stomach
I need to talk...
some of this crap is driving me crazy and I cant get away from it.
It's so easy to say "move on", but its simply not that easy. I feel trapped having to deal with continued gaslighting. But, its not that she gaslights me so much as she is delusional. She needs to believe the total bulls*t she spews. I co-parent my 4 year old (50/50 joint custody). I refuse to allow my hatred/resentment of my exW effect my son's life. His behavior is directly effected by tension and turmoil that exist between his mother and father. So, I have to play nice.
Anyway, Long story short...
She keeps trying to expose my son to this guy. She is still actively having a relationship with him. Had an affair with him for 2+ years while we were married (he was our "friend"). D since December.
Her most recent line of crap is that he had nothing to do with our marriage failure. Despite being in love with him, and carrying on an affair for several years. Obviously I exposed it, Also got the US military to impose a military protective order (MPO)against him preventing him from contact with her. (after he threatened me and refused to cease contact)... etc, etc, etc... Really brutal stuff. Funny, She even said "well if I hadnt fallen in love with another man maybe we could have worked on our marriage but I need to see how this plays out". Obviously the whole mess was recorded, documented... I tell her I do NOT want my son exposed to another man, particularly one who participated in the break up of his family. she has the balls to tell me he had nothing to do with our divorce or problems. "he's not a bad guy, he's really great." and there is nothing wrong with involving him in my childs life.
I just don't know what to do. I can't stop her from exposing my son to this guy but it sets off massive alarms inside of me that she would do this... She brought this d0uchebag around him a week after the divorce papers were finalized (which voided the MPO) and lied to my son about what his name was... Obviously my son told me all about this guy he met (mommy's "friend")...
Her f*cking delusion knows no limit and i can't just blow it off...
I need to talk... Maybe Im just too close to this to have a healthy perspective.
What do you do?
This is really tough stuff when you have someone rewriting history and making things up as they go along.
But the thing is your ex more than likely really believes her delusions. In effect her delusions are her realities. If you can accept that, that she really does believe her delusions, then you may want to think that she has a serious mental illness like schizophrenia. Some schizophrenics are quite high functioning but have a real problem accepting that they are less than perfect and taking on board responsibilities for the consequences of their behaviour. They will never under any circumstances “own up” and take responsibility for the consequences of their actions.
The really big thing is that you will never reach a “mutual point of truth” with a person who is deluded. That is you will never ever “see eye to eye” with her. It just ain’t going to happen.
Once you really get and accept that it can be a massive relief.
Not only because we give up trying and can save our time and energy for more productive things and move on with our life.