Isnt he suppose to chase
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Coping with Infidelity Relationship recovery from the destructiveness of infidelity.

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Old 02-26-2009, 06:26 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Default Isnt he suppose to chase

So, to update and add a question for all of you out there. I decided to take a break from my fiance, well, Im not exaclty sure what he is now. But, I need space, a time to clear my head. So much has happened in the last two months, that I needed a break. I am just not happy, and I need to find myself.

But as I was trying to explain this to my "fiance" he agreed to give me my space, but said something that cought my attention. He wanted to know the reasons for me wanting my space, which I understand. I politly told him, im not happy, and i need time to clear my head, and figure things out. I told him that I feel he isnt putting any effort in, and maybe a break would be good for us both. Im sure I shouldn't have told him that I feel like he isnt puttung any effort in, but I felt like I needed to let it out. I told him I feel like Im chasing him, being there for him, getting him what he needs, trying to make things work. Then he told me he has been trying. The he said

" There is no chasing. Why does one of us have to chase each other. We are in a relationship TOGETHER. No one should be chasing anyone"

Now I was reading a former post of someone who feels that he is chasing his wife who cheated. And it got me thinking, is he suppose to chase me? or am i completly wrong here. Please let me know if am. Is he suppose to prove himself to me, and all of these things if he wants to be with me? Just a thought and a question. This is my first time dealing with this sort of thing, and Im not sure how this is suppose to work. We are in a relationship together, but is he right?

Last edited by lovie; 02-26-2009 at 06:40 AM.
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Old 02-26-2009, 07:11 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: Isnt he suppose to chase

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Originally Posted by lovie View Post
" There is no chasing. Why does one of us have to chase each other. We are in a relationship TOGETHER. No one should be chasing anyone"
Allow me to respond to this. You have to chase me because you are a low life cheating POS. And I am pretty sure I will never trust your cheating a$$ again. Is that clear enough.

Here are the facts. He cheated on you. He wants everything to go back to normal. He has not made amends. He has tried to manipulate you into feeling guilty. You are absolutely right about taking a break and yes he has to chase you. It's called redemption. He needs to make and effort. If he doesn't you are getting a good glimpse of how a marriage would be to him. It is accepting that you did something horrible to a person who loves you. If no one has told you.

You are worthy to be loved by one man. You are a loving caring person who deserves fidelity. You were wronged by a man who was suppose to be in love with only you. You are entitled to be happy

I am sorry I have not commented before. When he says there should be no chasing. This gives you a look at where his heart is. If you married him, when he hurts you, he will not seek forgiveness to restore your relationship. Is that the kind of man you want? He will be all cerebral and aloof, while your heart is breaking. Why would you put yourself through that? This was a god send, which allows you to see the character of the man you were going to marry. AND YOU ACTUALLY APOLOGIZED TO HIM FOR NOT BEING ABLE TO BE GOOD ENOUGH TO KEEP HIM FROM CHEATING? OMG!

You are all a man could want and desire. You stood by this schmuck after him screwing some other girl. And his response is.
There should be no chasing? What an arrogant a$$. He needs to lay down his cane or walker, crawl along the floor and beg you to forgive him. How is that for chasing. There is no excuse for what he did. No justification. It was a treacherous betrayal of your love for him.

The question is, what do you do now? You get some perspective. You don't contact this guy again. You look at this situation like it was your bestest friend in the world going through this (because you are your best friend) and how righteously angry you would be on their behalf. If he calls you, tell him that you are sorry that he values your love so little that when he puts his d!ck in some other woman, He doesn't feel any guilt about doing it. Tell him you are better then him (because you are). And you let him know that you are moving on. The next move is his. If their is "no chasing" no making of amends, no sorrow over what he has done to you. Consider yourself as dodging a bullet. And go and spend your infinitely valuable life and love on someone worthy of it. I am sorry if I came off a little wishy washy here. But I think you get my point.
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Old 02-27-2009, 08:09 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: Isnt he suppose to chase

Hi lovie, how are you doing?
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Old 02-27-2009, 09:22 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: Isnt he suppose to chase

Ya i think that the person who screwed up is supposed to chase the other. i can understand what he means when he says you're not supposed to chase each other, but that is if things are good and you both have already reached a secure level of trust. but when the trust is weak usually the one who broke the trust has to prove themselves.
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