MC says wives affair are always Husbands fault?

Entropy3000 · 03-29-2012, 09:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by calvin

We have been looking to get back into counseling for the both of us.The counseler we used for our individual issues was pretty good,nood so good for MC.My wife went to make a new appointment and counseler told her that when a wife cheats its always the husbands fault.WTF? He only wants to see me for a 12 week program cash only,before my insurance was fine,needless to say we are looking for another counseler.Always the mans fault? Thats not what he told me before.Any thoughts
Posted via Mobile Device

So he told you this to your face? You heard him say it with your ears first hand?

hookares · 03-29-2012, 09:46 PM

Calvin, He's just saying what he knows your wife wants to hear. Maybe he plans on hitting on her eventually once he can spot your weak spots and you will end up footing the bill to the tune of 250 per month.
I'd recommend dumping his services and if your wife can't see it your way, then moving in another direction might be your best choice.

ladybird · 03-29-2012, 09:54 PM

wow.. like you held a gun to her head and said cheat or die!! WTF is wrong with that MC.. she made a bad choice

isla~mama- I've read that women tend to cheat for emotional reasons, not physical reasons. In theory how a man treats his wife is within his control, as opposed to other factors that aren't within the betrayed spouse's control (like appearance, for instance). Perhaps that's what he meant.)
I agree with above.

morituri · 03-29-2012, 10:57 PM

Found this from Does Couples Counseling Really Work?.

Quote:

Couples Counseling

S= Suspends positive solutions from happening
U= Undermines understanding of the person you married
C= Closes off good communication between spouses
K= Knocks one spouse while defending the other
S= Scrambles issues so they appear unsolvable

S: Suspends Positive SolutionsCounselors dangle the possibility of hope, yet suspend that hope in limbo without ever delivering a real solution to your marriage.

U: Undermines UnderstandingCounselors throw a wrench into the works of marriage by encouraging you to talk about problems. This makes understanding each other impossible.

C: Closes Good CommunicationBecause of couples counseling’s continuous focus on problems, the ability to communicate in a balanced way is nonexistent.

K: Knocks One To Support The OtherOnce the couples counselor gets between two arguing spouses with no real solution, it is almost inevitable that one spouse will “ganged up on”.

S: Scrambles Issues So They Appear UnsolvableIn the middle of the turmoil between the two of you, your counselor asks questions about your feelings that leave you both more mixed up than when you first started.

kittykat09 · 03-29-2012, 11:33 PM

Your MC is a quack. >.> Any counselor who doesn't believe in personal accountability is not a counselor worth listening to.

librarydragon · 03-30-2012, 12:21 AM

Posted via Mobile Device

ferndog · 03-30-2012, 12:40 AM

enough of the MC guy. let's focus on what's important your love for yourself,wife and relationship. she f up ok we know. and seems like you are willing to forgive her. ok so now lets fix the problem. find a new MC dig through the issues of why she needed to do this. why do you forgive her. can you trust her. are you to blame in anyway. oh yeah its going to be tough but just focus on the real issue, don't deflect on the problem

snap · 03-30-2012, 03:48 AM

There is one undeniably positive thing in this situation: your wife pointed out the problem with the counselor on her own, even though he was sided with her. This is a good sign.

calvin · 03-30-2012, 05:45 AM

Yes Snap,a very good thing indeed,thanks Morituri,very useful info,no we are never going back to this guys again,think he is a quack
Posted via Mobile Device

Hicks · 03-30-2012, 05:50 AM

This is likely your wife distorting what the couselor said.

calvin · 03-30-2012, 06:24 AM

No,I believe her,why in the hell would he want me to go to a 12 week program with other men and pay cash when last time my insurance was fine.BTW,when we first used him moths ago he did tell me he tends to take the womans side,for our IC he did an ok job but the MC sessions we had with him were'nt productive at all
Posted via Mobile Device

arbitrator · 03-30-2012, 06:53 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by morituri

Found this from Does Couples Counseling Really Work?.

Are you a retired counselor, because your post absolutely speaks volumes!

Baffled01 · 03-30-2012, 07:38 AM

Sounds like what you'd always hear on the afternoon talk shows. When the woman cheats, her husband wasn't giving her something she needed in the relationship. When the man cheats, he's just a low-life DIRTY DOG.

morituri · 03-30-2012, 09:04 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by arbitrator

Are you a retired counselor, because your post absolutely speaks volumes!

No.

tacoma · 03-30-2012, 09:11 AM

I have to say that after all the frigging MC horror stories I've heard there's no way in hell I'd ever let one of these Kantian idiots near my marriage.
Posted via Mobile Device