Re: Wife has lost feelings for me and is having an emotional affair...
I talked to a couple I know last night that went through something similar, which helped me tremendously. A lot of the thoughts/ideas they had were similar to some mentioned here, I'm working on refocusing my mind to making ME happy (a bit more about that down this post). That said...
So, without any further communication from me about it, she talked to him yesterday and cut him off completely.
We had a short conversation today (she was home all day after work, but other than this conversation I tried to keep my emotions in check and not talk about "us" more than necessary) and during it I asked her if she'd talked to him at all in the last couple of days, and that's when she told me.
She says she did it more for her than for me, as she's "trying to find herself" and she doesn't need someone like him around her. We also talked more about MC and though she said before she was willing to talk to someone, she seemed a little more open to the whole thing today. She's still adamant that she's not sure anything will fix "us" however.
It may not come across from my previous post, but before this incident I've never had any reason not to trust her. The only time she was ever dishonest was when she was withholding her frustration and loss of feelings. She hates confrontation (it's true at work as well, which is why she struggles as a manager at times), which keeps a lot bottled up.
I'm not willing to give up on us. If I give up I will always wonder "what if". If things end up not working out then so be it. If she goes back to talking to him, then it's over... and while I won't like it, I will accept it.
For what it's worth, when she's having "her space", she's either at home with the kids while I hang out with friends/family or she's visiting her family with the kids. Since I work from home and see the kids all the time, I don't want to deprive her of the little time she gets with them every day.
I'm still taking my trip. If she sees him or talks to him while I'm away, then I feel she would have done it anyways and I will walk away. This is a very important trip and I don't feel as though I can cancel it.
For now I'm not pushing things, I'm not saying "I love you", I'm not asking, pleading, begging for anything. We'll still have brief conversations about "us", but I'm more concerned about working on making myself happier despite how she feels right now, and while today wasn't easy by any stretch, it was ten times better than yesterday. I accomplished a lot today and I am proud of the results, even without her praise. My emotions still overwhelmed me at times today, but I do feel clearer than I did yesterday. I was running on pure emotion and I thought I was going to explode.
I will continue to update my situation as things progress. Please continue to offer any advice you might have. I'm not shutting out any reasonable ideas, even if it sounds at times like I am. I think this thread can serve as a reality check for me, which is something I need.