Agree with this completely.
I believe in cause and effect. You don't have to condone the effect but you must acknowledge the cause. I've told this to other members here too, jnj has a valid point.
CAUSE...no!! Justification...yes!! "EFFECT"...that is nothing more than a selfish immoral decision that was justified (for my benefit by the way). No one "causes" anything unless it's the first car of a pile up. The thing is, not one of the rear vehicles allowed proper spacing in the first place. Believe me, you will receive and at-fault surcharge on your insurance rates if you ever pile into someone from behind, regardless of what "they" did. All will cry of their plight. Hmm, sound similar?
The point is that it does not matter what another has done. What matters is "the story I told myself about it"...THAT is what matters. Resentments are RARELY dealt with, because, if they were, they would not be resentments. They'd have been resolved! So, this discussion and comments like "I've been after him/her for years"...well, it just doesn't cut the acid test.
This has turned into a discussion of personal responsibility and it really is shocking how so many have a finger pointed. How many have little idea of what personal responsibility means. It surely does not mean getting "even" (YOU did this SO I'm doing THAT) or taking one's frustrations out on another. It surely does not mean blaming someone else, who never was involved, for my actions while I was checked out of the relationship (you just didn't know!). It surely doesn't mean doing the same awful thing over and over posing the question; "why did I do that...why do I keep doing that". That is simply sick.
Gees, this is a one person show and that one person is trying to get everyone else involved, after the fact, so he/she NEVER has to seriously look in the mirror. Sadly, that includes some of the posters in this thread. No wonder so many BS's find true remorse an elusive and, often phony, commodity. Reasons, causes, situations and justifications all abound. There are NONE! When you FINALLY own it...your BS can be set free. Until you do...well, it will forever be a fear based relationship. Like it, or not, that is considered abuse.