Originally Posted by Hunger

Really sorry for the delay in my response. Work has been super busy lately so I have been exhausted when I get home. I will repond to all tonight.

Originally Posted by gear1903

Thanks CantSitStill. So it was a combo of not having a response from the OM plus the reality hitting you when speaking about D with the lawyer that prompted the anxiety, and having your H provide comfort showed how much he loved you, which helped tip things in his favor.

My wife has had a couple non-emotional PAs with random people and now this real EA with a coworker (all of which was revealed to me in a matter of days). The fact that I still wanted to work things out made her realize how much more I loved her than she ever knew (the reason we ran into trouble was because I wasn't good at showing my affection and love for her, as I am fairly reserved and unemotional). However, we haven't quite gotten to the reality of D yet, as we haven't spoken to lawyers and made any filings, so maybe she hasn't reached that stage of realization yet...

Originally Posted by bandit.45

Leslie,

Please, if you would, answer these questions:

1) What is your husband's educational background? What is your educational background?

He has a high school degree.
I have an associate’s degree in business for my work. I have taken tons of college classes but never knew what I wanted to major in. I just enjoy learning.
2) What does your husband do for a living? What is your occupation?

My husband works for the City we live in as a laborer. We live in a small city is in a harbor so he works every department. He has been there for 5 years.
I am a personal banker at a local credit union.

3) You say he is an outdoors kind of guy who loves hunting and fishing, while you are not into these things. Why were you attracted to a man who had so little in common with you?

We do have a few things in common. We both love the outdoors. Right off the bat I was attracted to his looks. He is a very handsome, tall, strong, and charming man. We actually met at a gas station while pumping gas. He instantly came over to me and asked me out. I was actually dating someone at the time so I took his number. I stopped dating or talking to the guy I was dating almost instantaneously and called my husband the next day. Instead of the traditional dating we just hung out a lot with friends and alone. We were inseparable. We moved in together after 2 weeks because my lease was up and I couldn’t stand having a roommate and he was living with his Dad for a few weeks to help him recover from heart surgery. He was the first man I have ever lived with and I guess it just seemed like the right thing to do at the time (no hesitation) so we did it. My attraction to my husband is different than the way I have been attracted to other men in past relationships. What attracted me the most to my husband is that he is very protective and attentive towards me. He is also very affectionate which I have always liked. I know at times I would feel smothered because sometimes it would be a little much, but that wasn’t too often. I also love that he loves the outdoors as well and that he is a very handy. He is definitely a jack of all trades like my father. I know that I have always been attracted to men who are very good with their hands and a little rough around the edges yet takes care of themselves. My husband gets dirty and works hard yet he takes very good care of his outward appearance I should say. Soooo yeah I guess those are the reasons why I am attracted to my husband although we do not have very much in common; we both love the outdoors, he is very loving in his protective ways, he is a handy man, he is good looking, and he is very attentive towards how I feel. (if that makes any sense) 4)

List 10 positive qualities you like or love about your husband.

1. he is very loving and genuine

2. he cares a lot about his family and talks to his parents almost daily

3. a great provider

4. he always cares how I feel and sticks up for me no matter the circumstances

5. he always opens the door for me

6. he likes to cuddle

7. he is a hard worker/ has a great job

8. he chooses great friends

9. he is a great gardener/ he likes to grow me flowers and always pick me flowers

10. he is very romantic in simple ways (finding me heart rock, picking me flowers, kisses and love every morning, love notes (not so much anymore but a lot in the first couple years), phone calls to say hi every day, and always wanting to hold my hand everywhere we go.

5) List 10 negative qualities you wish you could change about him.

1. he is very parental towards me which stems from his co-dependency from growing up with alcoholic parents

2. he would rather spend time together doing what interests him rather than my interests

3. he smokes about a pack a day

4. he has an addictive personality which has caused hiding/lies/and deceit in the past when it came to the substance abuse

5. he doesn’t like to listen to what I have to say if it doesn’t interest him so I seek communication from friend/family members

6. he gets very frustrated or upset easily on the weekends if we aren’t up early and out the door to do something (which usually consist of waking up early to go to the wood for fishing and such). I like to sleep and relax at home and not always have to be in a rush. It seems very immature to me that he does this so I actually got into a habit of just doing it so that he would be happy and I am not happy.

7. I feel like he has always been very dependent on me for his happiness. For example I have always had my girlfriends and I feel like he has just put his friends on the backburner since we have been together.

8. I wish I could change the way we make love. I feel like he doesn’t take his time to try and pleasure me so I always go unsatisfied and he is satisfied…. Quickly. This has never changed although I have told him that I am unsatisfied.

9. I understand that he loves to fish and hunt but I don’t like that all we talk about is fishing/hunting/deer/antlers….etc.

10. he tends to “nit pick” me. This goes hand in hand with the being very attentive towards me. Example: I can’t be quiet without him thinking I need to eat or sleep because I must be hungry or tired. I value my privacy and private thoughts at times and I feel like he always needs to know what is going on in my head or has to by my side. 6)

Which of you is the higher earner in the marriage, and what is the earnings difference?

My husband brings home more money than I do but the difference is not big. Although he makes more I tend to save more money because he is pretty reckless with his spending.

I'm interested to know what he is like, because, frankly, I'm f*cking sick and tired of hearing about the piece of sh*t you banged and what an intellectually stimulating piece of sh*t he was.

I get it. :/ Sorry

I think maybe if you can quantify the negative and positives about your husband, we can help you to look objectively at what it was that led you to emotionally disconnect from him.

Originally Posted by Beowulf

I'm getting the distinct feeling that many of the negative and positive qualities you listed are "Nice Guy" qualities. A lot probably stems from being raised by alcoholic parents. Can someone else chime in on this. Its been a while since I read No More Mr. Nice Guy.

Originally Posted by Hunger

Interesting. I am not familiar with this term.

Originally Posted by bandit.45

Its a book with a corresponding website for men. Here is the link. Take a look.

No More Mr. Nice Guy

Originally Posted by bandit.45

Its a book with a corresponding website for men. Here is the link. Take a look.

No More Mr. Nice Guy