Day to day baby steps.... Feedback encouraged.

Hunger · 04-24-2012, 04:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by CantSitStill

So you filed for divorce correct? If so well then you have finally made your choice. You made your decision and that's good, you are being honest with yourself instead of fense sitting. I hate to say this but I knew you were gonna land up talking to the OM..just had that feeling. It is what it is. It's hard yes but you tried and were getting nowhere. Best of luck to you and prayers for your poor husband. You gotta agree with me that he doesn't deserve this. It's a horrible situation but looks like it's inevitable.
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I do agree with you. It is a VERY horrible situation. I don't know how to feel. The filing online was very irrational and I just did it because of the fence sitting. We talked about it and we are not going to move forward with anything until we continue with being separated and see how we feel then. :/

CantSitStill · 04-24-2012, 04:26 PM

DO NOT give him any false hope... Hunger you know it's over.. go thru with the divorce..don't confuse him anymore. It sucks but too bad. You know it's not gonna work out. You cannot stop your addiction twords the OM. I would just end it now.
Posted via Mobile Device

Beowulf · 04-24-2012, 04:31 PM

Hunger,

I can't advise you as to how you feel. And I can't advise you regarding what your husband needs. Those are things that each of you has to address on his/her own. I can tell you that I believe you still have very strong feelings for your husband but your continued infatuation with the OM will never allow you to love him fully again. Like CSS, I had a feeling you would eventually contact the OM again and as long as he is in your head and heart there is no room for your husband.

I read a blog recently that talked about how many women have difficulty with the men in their lives. They want the security and affection that is show by the more "beta" type male but they feel very little attraction to them. They are attracted to the more "alpha" male who really doesn't need them and sometimes treats them badly but it just makes the infatuation grow even more.

Please read this article and especially note the comments from Annie James. Does this describe your dilemma at all?

HBO’s Girls Exposes Pretty Lies | Hooking Up Smart

keko · 04-24-2012, 04:42 PM

Haven't read all of the post's, sorry if its been mentioned before. But have you though about just quitting your job to totally remove OM from your life? Delete all the means of him contacting you? Its nearly impossible for you to pick yourself up with 2 men in your life.

CantSitStill · 04-24-2012, 04:43 PM

As I told you in pm you need to work on yourself before being in a relationship with anyone..I really mean that.. You should never depend on anyone else for your own happiness because it wouldn't be fair to that peson..Continue IC and learn to find that happiness within yourself..
Posted via Mobile Device

Hunger · 04-24-2012, 04:54 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by keko

Haven't read all of the post's, sorry if its been mentioned before. But have you though about just quitting your job to totally remove OM from your life? Delete all the means of him contacting you? Its nearly impossible for you to pick yourself up with 2 men in your life.

The OM does not work with me. He lives 3 hours away from my home. We met on a weekend retreat I had with my girlfriends. Just FYI. :/

Hunger · 04-24-2012, 04:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by CantSitStill

DO NOT give him any false hope... Hunger you know it's over.. go thru with the divorce..don't confuse him anymore. It sucks but too bad. You know it's not gonna work out. You cannot stop your addiction twords the OM. I would just end it now.
Posted via Mobile Device

I DONT want to give him false hope whatsoever; this is the exact reason why I left. I am just so lost and confused and I hate myself for contacting the OM. I just wonder if I give it a month with NC and barely any contact with my H if I would feel differently.

Hunger · 04-24-2012, 04:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by CantSitStill

DO NOT give him any false hope... Hunger you know it's over.. go thru with the divorce..don't confuse him anymore. It sucks but too bad. You know it's not gonna work out. You cannot stop your addiction twords the OM. I would just end it now.
Posted via Mobile Device

I just feel like parts of me can help but hold on... All the whats ifs. But I also know that is selfish. I should just let him go since obviously I am confused. I know that if it isn't right than I am the one that is going to have to live with the regret.

Hunger · 04-24-2012, 04:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Beowulf

Hunger,

I can't advise you as to how you feel. And I can't advise you regarding what your husband needs. Those are things that each of you has to address on his/her own. I can tell you that I believe you still have very strong feelings for your husband but your continued infatuation with the OM will never allow you to love him fully again. Like CSS, I had a feeling you would eventually contact the OM again and as long as he is in your head and heart there is no room for your husband.

I read a blog recently that talked about how many women have difficulty with the men in their lives. They want the security and affection that is show by the more "beta" type male but they feel very little attraction to them. They are attracted to the more "alpha" male who really doesn't need them and sometimes treats them badly but it just makes the infatuation grow even more.

Please read this article and especially note the comments from Annie James. Does this describe your dilemma at all?

HBO’s Girls Exposes Pretty Lies | Hooking Up Smart

I do have very strong feelings for my husband and I miss him at time, but I feel like reaching out is the WRONG thing to do. I want to hold on; yet I am afraid to cause more pain. I wish I had all the answers.

I cant read the article right now because it is blocked but I will pull it up at home tonght and let you know.

keko · 04-24-2012, 05:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Hunger

I DONT want to give him false hope whatsoever; this is the exact reason why I left. I am just so lost and confused and I hate myself for contacting the OM. I just wonder if I give it a month with NC and barely any contact with my H if I would feel differently.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Hunger

I just feel like parts of me can help but hold on... All the whats ifs. But I also know that is selfish. I should just let him go since obviously I am confused. I know that if it isn't right than I am the one that is going to have to live with the regret.

You're thinking too much into it. Looks like your going with what your heart is saying rather then your head. OM used a married woman, that's all there is to it, if you looked at it that way it'll be easier for you to hate the OM and improve yourself. Not trying to hurt you, just want to add another perspective.

Beowulf · 04-24-2012, 05:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Hunger

I do have very strong feelings for my husband and I miss him at time, but I feel like reaching out is the WRONG thing to do. I want to hold on; yet I am afraid to cause more pain. I wish I had all the answers.

I cant read the article right now because it is blocked but I will pull it up at home tonght and let you know.

You will cause him more pain. The problem is that you can't stay faithful to him. No spouse should or can live like that. I will also tell you that your relationship with the OM is doomed anyway. But you already know that I'm sure. You might be confused but you are smart. You know there is no future with him and it will end badly. It always does.

Check out that article when you have a minute and see if it resonates with you. I know I found it intensely interesting.

Hunger · 04-24-2012, 05:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Beowulf

Hunger,

I can't advise you as to how you feel. And I can't advise you regarding what your husband needs. Those are things that each of you has to address on his/her own. I can tell you that I believe you still have very strong feelings for your husband but your continued infatuation with the OM will never allow you to love him fully again. Like CSS, I had a feeling you would eventually contact the OM again and as long as he is in your head and heart there is no room for your husband.

I read a blog recently that talked about how many women have difficulty with the men in their lives. They want the security and affection that is show by the more "beta" type male but they feel very little attraction to them. They are attracted to the more "alpha" male who really doesn't need them and sometimes treats them badly but it just makes the infatuation grow even more.

Please read this article and especially note the comments from Annie James. Does this describe your dilemma at all?

HBO’s Girls Exposes Pretty Lies | Hooking Up Smart

Comment from Annie James? Is it on the first page?

Hunger · 04-24-2012, 06:00 PM

Oh nevermind Beowulf I see what you are talking about. I get the whole nice guy being a turn off which my Husband is FOR SURE a "nice guy"; however I have never been into jerks as a turn on. I dated one jerk a few times and it was a huge turn off and me being turned off by his behavior actually caused him to "fall in love" with me... so weird. I think it was because he was so use to the girls loving him because he treated them like crap. Yeah, not for me.

Hunger · 04-24-2012, 06:01 PM

Tonight my husband is seeing the counselor and then I am in for an hour afterwards. Right now I feel sick to my stomach and feel like I want to cry. We will see what happens.

mychoice · 04-24-2012, 06:32 PM

You're serious correct Hunger? Hunger is a good name for you.

You are driven by hunger rather than by loyalty, by conviction, or by integrity. It's all about how it all "feels".

I feel for your BS, he should not have to endure the likes of you.

Like in the "Bodyguard". You are Nikki Marin...you're not Rachel. She was just as much, a less commited woman. Great example. You're type deserves no such commitment.

Pitiful is all I can say...pitiful.