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Coping with Infidelity Relationship recovery from the destructiveness of infidelity.

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Old 04-06-2012, 11:33 AM   #196 (permalink)
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Default Re: Is it better not to tell? Feeling conflicted.

Yep.
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Old 04-06-2012, 12:32 PM   #197 (permalink)
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Default Re: Is it better not to tell? Feeling conflicted.

****6am on Saturday we finally realize that we've stayed up all night talking. His friend leaves. OM and I talk. I realize here that his GF had broken up with him earlier that day.****

Do you really believe that he has a gf? I don't. Or else the term is used rather loosely here.

Leslie, it's good you told your husband because this seems like the kind of guy who will find a way to let your husband know. Men can be indiscreet and since it doesn't sound like he has too serious of a partner of his own, he has nothing to lose.

As I have mentioned before, when my bf reconnected with someone he had dated earlier, she was all over his FB wall. If I had been watching it in real time, I would have been able to see a problem developing.

Last edited by NextTimeAround; 04-06-2012 at 12:49 PM.
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Old 04-06-2012, 02:53 PM   #198 (permalink)
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Default Re: Is it better not to tell? Feeling conflicted.

I've always thought that romance novels were rubbish, so it's painful to think that my cheating was a classic story line for one. I thought I was too evolved for things like that, apparently not. Sigh.

I'm sorry, I didn't realize that when most of you pick up a lady, getting into her pants is never a goal. I really can't get mad or feel used by this situation or person. So while I appreciate everyone giving me the benefit of the doubt, that I was duped into sleeping with him, just don't. It's not convincing.
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Old 04-06-2012, 03:11 PM   #199 (permalink)
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Default Re: Is it better not to tell? Feeling conflicted.

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I'm sorry, I didn't realize that when most of you pick up a lady, getting into her pants is never a goal. I really can't get mad or feel used by this situation or person. So while I appreciate everyone giving me the benefit of the doubt, that I was duped into sleeping with him, just don't. It's not convincing.
This must be a typo.

Speaking as a guy, it is always our goal.
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Old 04-06-2012, 03:32 PM   #200 (permalink)
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Default Re: Is it better not to tell? Feeling conflicted.

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I've always thought that romance novels were rubbish, so it's painful to think that my cheating was a classic story line for one. I thought I was too evolved for things like that, apparently not. Sigh.

I'm sorry, I didn't realize that when most of you pick up a lady, getting into her pants is never a goal. I really can't get mad or feel used by this situation or person. So while I appreciate everyone giving me the benefit of the doubt, that I was duped into sleeping with him, just don't. It's not convincing.
In the scenario you speak ( pickup a lady ) it is definitely the goal. It is a pickup to hookup. Assume that as a married woman you should not trust any man in this way again. You should assume that any man trying to isolate themselves with you wants in your pants. They do. Assume they want you backwards, forwards, upside down and twice on Sunday. Then you will have the right information for making decisions. You should also assume a man like this in these circumstances is likely to spike your drink.

Those that think that they are too evolved, too smart, have too much character or above all of this are foolish and are setting themselves up for failure. I was this way.

But whether there is a slim chance a guy would not take advantage why would anyone risk this? That is why I see the unfaithful act as the beginning spending time alone dating him. You also knew you were attracted to him. So you were a willing partner. He knew this. We do not put one bullet in the chamber, spin it and pull the trigger. We don't take chances with important things.

Last edited by Entropy3000; 04-06-2012 at 03:53 PM.
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Old 04-06-2012, 03:49 PM   #201 (permalink)
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Default Re: Is it better not to tell? Feeling conflicted.

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I've always thought that romance novels were rubbish, so it's painful to think that my cheating was a classic story line for one. I thought I was too evolved for things like that, apparently not. Sigh.

I'm sorry, I didn't realize that when most of you pick up a lady, getting into her pants is never a goal. I really can't get mad or feel used by this situation or person. So while I appreciate everyone giving me the benefit of the doubt, that I was duped into sleeping with him, just don't. It's not convincing.
OK. So what you are saying is that from the first time you met and talked with this guy, you knew his goal was to get into your pants and YOUR goal was to get him in bed. It was your intention to have sex with the guy from the start. To hell with your marriage and to hell with your husband and how it would destroy him. There was no though given to the consequences of what you were doing.

Bottom line is that you set out to have sex with him. Kept going until it happened - twice - and still do not regret what you did (connection).

Is this what you are saying?
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Old 04-06-2012, 04:02 PM   #202 (permalink)
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Default Re: Is it better not to tell? Feeling conflicted.

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I'm sorry, I didn't realize that when most of you pick up a lady, getting into her pants is never a goal.
Leslie, I can only see two possible reasons to "pick up a lady". One is to start moving toward a long-term relationship. Some may pick up a lady in a bar for that purpose. You were in a foreign country and married. He knew that was not an option.

The other reason is exactly to get into her pants. That was his goal and he accomplished it. You were well played.
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Old 04-06-2012, 04:11 PM   #203 (permalink)
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Default Re: Is it better not to tell? Feeling conflicted.

So what is the motivation for married woman isolated from her husband to get picked up? To put herself in intimate situations in a foreign land with a man you did not know but were very attracted to. You helped him out by continually getting drunk. You went to his place multiple times. You were in his bed.

What were your motives? We now know your actions.

Be honest with yourself.

Last edited by Entropy3000; 04-06-2012 at 05:18 PM.
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Old 04-06-2012, 04:57 PM   #204 (permalink)
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Default Re: Is it better not to tell? Feeling conflicted.

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This must be a typo.

Speaking as a guy, it is always our goal.


But there is an unspoken rule amongst us men. Married chicks are off limits. Period. Those who break this rule are the lowest of the low in my opinion.

Either the other man was a scumbag who didn't follow such a convention or the OP didn't make it abundantly clear that she's married woman and for him to p!ss off
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Old 04-06-2012, 05:03 PM   #205 (permalink)
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Default Re: Is it better not to tell? Feeling conflicted.

Considering what you did, this is the best for both of you whatever the outcome might be. Op is more at fault since she was the one that was married. There are a lot of men that look for easy pu$$y, married or not.

And did you not feel one bit of guilt when he talked about going and meeting his gf after having sex with you? You still f*cked him after that, didn't you?
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Old 04-06-2012, 05:28 PM   #206 (permalink)
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Default Re: Is it better not to tell? Feeling conflicted.

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But there is an unspoken rule amongst us men. Married chicks are off limits. Period. Those who break this rule are the lowest of the low in my opinion.

Either the other man was a scumbag who didn't follow such a convention or the OP didn't make it abundantly clear that she's married woman and for him to p!ss off
Some men target married women specifically. They see them as prize. They get off on being able to seduce these women knowing they have a husband who has presumably promised to be hers forever. Basically a bigger conquest. She was more invested in him because of what she was giving up. She was willing to throw it all away just for a few moments with him. Also presumably these women have not been sleeping around already. So they are all that much more blown away by the situation. Better than usual sex for both. So ego and sex.

Is he a sleaze? Oh yeah.

Last edited by Entropy3000; 04-06-2012 at 05:37 PM.
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Old 04-06-2012, 05:51 PM   #207 (permalink)
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Default Re: Is it better not to tell? Feeling conflicted.

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Some men target married women specifically. They see them as prize. They get off on being able to seduce these women knowing they have a husband who has presumably promised to be hers forever. Basically a bigger conquest. She was more invested in him because of what she was giving up. She was willing to throw it all away just for a few moments with him. Also presumably these women have not been sleeping around already. So they are all that much more blown away by the situation. So better than usual sex for both. So ego and sex.

Is he a sleaze? Oh yeah.
She even called his pick up lines cheesy and comical. Oh and did I forget to mention, he bought her gifts too! really?!? . I've observed men like these, you're completely right, absolute sleaze bags.
It makes me shudder to think that men like him are capable of wiping us out completely with our women.

I can only speculate but I think she did this because she wasn't getting enough attention which I can completely sympathise with. Us men usually don't understand how much attention women actually need, it's baffling sometimes. But surely she should've understood the disparity in pain with having an affair and with forgetting to mention happy birthday.

Presumably her husband missed her as much as she missed him, the difference however was that he loved her much more which is why he honoured and respected her by not cheating.

Last edited by Complexity; 04-06-2012 at 10:14 PM.
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Old 04-06-2012, 07:16 PM   #208 (permalink)
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Default Re: Is it better not to tell? Feeling conflicted.

And has your husband returned yet?

What is your next step, have you started contacting personal therapists to begin working on you?
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Old 04-06-2012, 08:15 PM   #209 (permalink)
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And has your husband returned yet?

What is your next step, have you started contacting personal therapists to begin working on you?
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Right. You already realize you have to work on boundaries so it is time to work on yourself. Professional help is indeed called for.
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Old 04-06-2012, 08:24 PM   #210 (permalink)
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Default Re: Is it better not to tell? Feeling conflicted.

OMG. It just hit me. If hubby stays with her he can look forward to buying a present each year around her Bday that says " Happy anniversary of the day you cheated on me and f*cked OM."

Talk about a trigger.
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