Taking the chance that he wont find out is best. The hurt would be the same. But once again both you and I are not qualified to give advice, only opinions. And in my opinion you should be very careful Posted via Mobile Device
Okay...look back at my posts. When EXACTLY did I give advice? I only gave my opinion. I don't think you see me saying YOU NEED to tell him, you HAVE to tell him....
And not that it matters....But, I am qualified to do initial mental health screening and refer for long term....not my speciality...
OP doesn't seem too concerned about her husband's disposition in this whole thing, nor am I getting a hint of regret from her either. I've got no advice to give to those who don't want the advice.
Okay...look back at my posts. When EXACTLY did I give advice? I only gave my opinion. I don't think you see me saying YOU NEED to tell him, you HAVE to tell him....
And not that it matters....But, I am qualified to do initial mental health screening and refer for long term....not my speciality...
Just saying.....nevermind.
I am sure you see the tone of the people posting on here Posted via Mobile Device
Whether or not it would destroy her world you and I do not know. My marriage is stronger after D Day of my affair. I know it would either bring them together or drive them apart but I don't know which. And again, I don't want her to destroy anything. All I think she should do is be a grown up and own her actions. How can living a lie be the right answer? Just because she avoids a blow up - or even a divorce today does not make that a preferable out come. To live a life of quiet desperation, with guilt eating her, never having a true connection and bond with her husband because this hidden wedge is between them? No thanks. I'd take the truth and whatever consequences it brought - but that's me.
oh well, you responded to one of mine, but who cares getting tested and counseling suggestions are getting old. And we should be careful of our advice vs opinions. Posted via Mobile Device
Look, I don't even know why we're arguing. Chances are the OP isn't coming back because the majority is telling her things she doesn't want to hear. Moot point.
oh well, you responded to one of mine, but who cares getting tested and counseling suggestions are getting old. And we should be careful of our advice vs opinions. Posted via Mobile Device
Careful assumes "to care". The OP doesn't care about anyone but herself, why should we care about her again?
There is little issue whether the advice turns out good or bad, the poster is not going to come clean anyway.
My opinion keep qiute and suffer through this painful quilt on your own. Keep this monkey on your back for the rest of your life, as a reminder.
My advise is to tell him b/c someday he will find out, they always do, ands it usually from the wayward, years from now when the marriage has time to deteriorate from this keep secret.
I read all these articles and blogs about how marriages are never the same and many times worse-off after one partner admits to cheating, so what is the benefit of telling if I never plan on doing it again?
Let's be really clear and precise. It is not the admission which causes the marriage to never be the same. It is the spouse having sex with another person which causes the marriage to never be the same.
I will tell you what I told my wife. Anything which I find out by myself from outside sources is an instant divorce. Anything she tells me about is something we can work on. No guarantees that working on it will save the marriage or make the marriage as good as it was. But finding out from somewhere else is guaranteed divorce.
Your husband deserves to decide how he lives his life based on facts. You do not have the right to take away his informed decision.
If you want to keep your marriage, tell him that you had the fling and that you regret it and that you want to repair the marriage. See a qualified marriage therapist and do absolutely everything possible to make amends.
If you don't really care for your marriage, I would say just divorce him. You don't really need to tell him why you are divorcing him, but it might bring him some closure to know you cheated.
So rather than having her live with her concious, you want her to destroy the world around her? Dumb... Posted via Mobile Device
she already destroyed the world around her when she cheated, not by telling the truth and trying to fix something. where do you accept justice, we could use this logic with everything in life. lie about everything you do because it will hurt someone else to know the truth. To make matters worse you call him dumb? Dumb for maybe hopng this woman has some character in her to try and atone for her mistakes. Adults suffer the consequences of their actions unless they are self entitled as you are coming across as.
So rather than having her live with her concious, you want her to destroy the world around her? Dumb... Posted via Mobile Device
She has already destroyed her marriage, her husband just does not know it yet. Are you saying that is more honorable to continue the charade of being a caring, faithful wife, than to be honest? If she cares for her husband one bit she will tell him, because the guilt will come through her actions. One day he is going to ask "Are you OK?" or "What is bothering you?". What is she supposed to do then? Continue to pile lie upon lie?
If she is totally selfish then she will continue to hide the truth. Poor husband will know something is wrong but will not be able to get the truth. He loses either way.
oh well, you responded to one of mine, but who cares getting tested and counseling suggestions are getting old. And we should be careful of our advice vs opinions. Posted via Mobile Device
arent you giving us advice on how to post? you are only complianing because we do not agree with you.
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Re: Is it better not to tell? Feeling conflicted. 
