morituri

What you've done is reconcile but not forgiven (let go of the anger and bitterness in your heart). You must make the choice that forgiveness is for YOUR benefit not hers. If that means ending your marriage then so be it. You will never condone her betrayals and you will never forget them BUT you must exorcise the toxic twins that are poisoning not just your marriage, but your relationship with others and your own life.

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"Man is not a rational animal, he is a rationalizing animal." Robert A. Heinlein

Links

Beowulf

That's a hell of a good idea Bandit.

Thorburn

We have talked quite a bit today. My wife's med ran out and she is feeling anxious. Her job went bad today. So I am trying to lift her spirits. Flowers never did much for her unless I picked them and gave them to her. She has saved most of those, even the little ones I picked a few weeks ago. If I was home I would pick flowers for her.

Her GF and her spoke today. My wife told me what they talked about. I told her that I look forward to meeting her GF.

Moving forward I will have to keep things in check and my wife needs to be honest. We both agreed to that.

Our settlement date needs to be set in the next 10 days. I am not sure what all this means as to a future move date or what the VA appraiser will say.

Right now things are looking up and I can't ask for anything more today. At least i will be able to sleep.

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This kind of cosmic dumbassery occupies a temporal plane of ineptitude and lack of reason so profound a Zen master could spend a lifetime meditating upon its philosophical consequences.”

bandit.45

How about your drinking Thor? How much of an issue is this becoming for you? Have you ever had an alcohol abuse screening done on yourself?

It's nothing to be ashamed of. After the hell you have been through, it would not surprise me if you were using it as a crutch and now its got a hold of you.

Thorburn

Drinking is under control. Drank alcohol to the point of getting drunk for about two weeks after my wife's EA in 2010, though I only let it get out of control once then, and it caused a positive result in giving me the guts to call the OMW and let her know what was going on. My anger did not get out of control.

From around December 1st till about a month ago it was too much. Hitting the bourbon hard.

Right now I can have a beer or two and call it quits.

In fact on Saturday my wife handed me one after we finished making our first bench together.

Had a alcohol screen done in 2011 when I finally went in to see a psychiatrist for my PTSD from Iraq. She told me not to drink too much but said I did not have a problem at that time.

I am done self medicating. My drinking was heavy and this is not me. Normally a few beers from time to time. I learned a lesson and will not let it get out of control again.

It did take the pain away. But I don't have the severe pain anymore.

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This kind of cosmic dumbassery occupies a temporal plane of ineptitude and lack of reason so profound a Zen master could spend a lifetime meditating upon its philosophical consequences.”

bandit.45

I don't drink anymore....not since high school. I do believe as a teenager I was an burgeoning alcoholic, and I spent alot of time in juvenile detention for minor possession of alcohol, fighting and truancy. My dad caught it when I was sixteen and nipped it in the bud, and said he would send me to the Citadel if I didn't get my act together. Military school was not a dream plan for me so I quit and cooled my sh*t. Thank God I had my dad. I wish he were here to help me through this.

You must have been going off on your wife pretty badly for your sons to switch sides and turn against you, as well as her brothers. Sounds like you were really going off the cliff. Have you been talking to her every day?

Thorburn

Several times a day. Talking to her now as I write this. Things are going a lot better. She went to counseling today and has not said anything about that yet. She also visited her parent's grave. She is now heading over to where we have our antique business.

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This kind of cosmic dumbassery occupies a temporal plane of ineptitude and lack of reason so profound a Zen master could spend a lifetime meditating upon its philosophical consequences.”

humanbecoming

Hey, just thought of this, guess my mind has been working since I went through your post earlier. Bandit suggested flowers. Do that, with a note saying "I wish I were there to pick these for you"

I guarantee that will bring tears to her eyes

bandit.45

A fruit bowl... anything.

Beowulf