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Coping with Infidelity Relationship recovery from the destructiveness of infidelity.

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Old 04-04-2012, 08:41 AM   #16 (permalink)
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Default Re: Im not married to the man I love

Your thread title says it all
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Old 04-04-2012, 08:42 AM   #17 (permalink)
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Default Re: Im not married to the man I love

Quote:
Originally Posted by Caprica_six View Post

I have been completely honest with my husband, when he questioned me about it I didn't lie, i told him exactly what had happened. Whats the point in lying
No you haven't been. Instead of working with him to fix what you were missing in the marriage, you decided to put huge amounts of effort into building a emotional and sexual relationship with a married man.

You did this deliberately, and you took steps to hide it from your husband.

If you had been at all honest with you, you wouldn't be here.

If you are now being honest with him, show him this forum so he can see the responses and get support too.

Tell him to contact the OMW and tell her about her husband cheating with you.
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Old 04-04-2012, 08:49 AM   #18 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by Caprica_six View Post
Even if i leave him, i could never be with the other guy, he is married and has kids and would never leave because he's too scared he'll lose his kids, which I completely understand.
If your husband came here for advice he`d fix this problem for you by exposing your affair to the other mans wife.

Has he done this?
Do you think he will?

AS to your OP in general if I were you I`d simply divorce.
You`re not happy, trying to make yourself happy will only make you less happy, there are no kids involved.

End it, start over.
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Old 04-04-2012, 08:51 AM   #19 (permalink)
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Default Re: Im not married to the man I love

Married 20 years. He has been married to this woman for almost as long as you have been alive. Of course he is a bit bored. Of course he is flattered that you slept with him. Of course he tells you that he loves you, he probably does on one level.
He is attentive, worldly and lasts a while in bed.
This love is transient. It has no future because of your age difference and that he is married.

Well done for ending it. It is very hard to end, but do not mistake intensity for intimacy, longing is very seductive and believing that you have forbidden love is intoxicating.

If you have no feelings for your Husband, leave him without having the affair. You may still be able to be friends then.

Realise that your Lovely Engineer Affair partner can not and will not leave his children for you. His wife who had his children and supported him in every way that mattered will be devastated and the children's lives and mental health affected . Suicide is discussed here often on a BS discovery.

I am not beating you up. I want you to think about the things that an affair with a married man costs.
He is not yours.
He never will be.

Your young. made a choice to have an affair and now the consequences are going to hit you. Maybe see your Doctor and get some chemical help to help you get over the extreme sense of loss you will be feeling for your AP.

The feelings will last about 3 months. Make no decisions until you are over the dopamine hit.
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Old 04-04-2012, 08:57 AM   #20 (permalink)
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I'm short on time so I'll keep my post short and blunt.

Pull your head out of your ass - K? You've been sold a fantasy, something totally not based in reality. Do you really believe that a man some twenty years older than you, with years of his life and kids invested in a marriage is going to sail off into the sunset with you? And even more - do you really believe that if he did the two of you have any chance of building a successful marriage together? If you're sitting there thinking "yes" you're probably thinking along the lines of "but we're soul mates" or "love conquerors all." I got news for you - THIS AIN'T LOVE!!! It's an affair - if anything it's the antithesis of love. It's all lies, deceit, total self indulgence and selfishness.

If you really believe you do not love your husband - fine divorce the man and let him move on. But don't for a second believe that you can give him or your marriage a fair and honest evaluation while your involved in an affair - you can't do it.

And so you don't dismiss me as a betrayed spouse with an axe to grind - I'm a cheater to. My affair went along the same lines - I didn't slip into actual sex but I'm guilty of almost everything else myself.
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Old 04-04-2012, 09:00 AM   #21 (permalink)
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First thing, regardless of how sexless your marriage is , you had an affair with a married man with kids. Shame on you. You did not have to ruin his marriage for your own selfishness. What did his wife do to you?

Why did you not separate and find a single man to date if your marriage was so horrible. The OM will never leave his kids for you. Even if he did, you will have a winner that leaves his family for young pu$$y. I don't know what causes a young woman like you to take such horrible decisions at 24 years. You have a good life ahead of you. Don't muddle it up with affairs, cheating , married men and other sh!t.

Separate from your husband. Dump the married man. He is a user and is ruining your life(ie with your help. And you are destroying his life. Both of you have no future prospects because of the decit your relationship was built on). Take some time off. Change jobs if you have to. Be single for a while. Decide where you want to go from there
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Old 04-04-2012, 09:03 AM   #22 (permalink)
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So you're destroying two marriages and hurting children

Wow.

He'll never leave his wife, you know. You are just some young chick to bang. Women have waited YEARS for a man to leave him family. But he won't.

AND WHY WOULD YOU WANT HIM TO!?!? How selfish and disgusting.
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Old 04-04-2012, 09:04 AM   #23 (permalink)
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Quote:
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Some of you aren't reading the OPs post. Her husband already knows she cheated - he left and they have been talking through it. Telling her to "fess up" does no good - they've gotten there already.

What she does need to do is be honest about her feelings about their sex life. That advice is spot on.

Either 1) her husband isn't sexually attracted to her, 2) her husband masturbates regularly and doesn't have enough left for his wife, 3) he has a very low libido, or 4) her husband is gay

So he needs to tell her which of these four it is. No 26 year old man has sex with his wife 5 x in a year if one of these 4 isn't happening.

So to the OP - find out which it is. If you want the marriage to work, it starts there. And you will be lucky as hell if your husband really takes you back.

This post is offensive and reeks of sexism and ignorance. Enough said.
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Old 04-04-2012, 09:09 AM   #24 (permalink)
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I went through a very, very similar situation - with one crucial difference: I wasn't married. He was 25 years older than I was, married (though he lied to me and said he was divorced), and the affair lasted 5 years in my early 20s. It destroyed almost everything good about my life. It was very hard to recover from it - I too thought I was in love with him etc. That's NOT love. Please listen to the advice here. These posters know of what they speak.

But know this: you are being taken advantage of by someone who sees you as nothing more than a young hot lay.

I think you should come clean to his wife. She has a right to know that her husband and the father of her children is sleeping around (you think you're the only one?) and putting her at risk of STDs.

Were you EVER in love with your husband? If you two decide to stay together, you're going to need counseling. And don't go having any kids for at least another 8-10 years. Get this totally sorted out first. He may decide in another 5 years that he can't deal with it.
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Old 04-04-2012, 09:10 AM   #25 (permalink)
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Default Re: Im not married to the man I love

whats the point? you already know the answer...

you f*cked up BIGTIME. don't kid yourself, its over.

You can stretch it out if it makes you feel better to "try" but... it's toast.
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Old 04-04-2012, 10:43 AM   #26 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Gabriel View Post
Some of you aren't reading the OPs post. Her husband already knows she cheated - he left and they have been talking through it. Telling her to "fess up" does no good - they've gotten there already.
That's not what I read. All I saw was he found a few e-mails she forgot to delete. She hasn't told him the particulars.
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Old 04-04-2012, 10:50 AM   #27 (permalink)
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That's not what I read. All I saw was he found a few e-mails she forgot to delete. She hasn't told him the particulars.
As soon as he asked me I told him everything. As soon as he read the emails he called me and I told him everything.

Haven't seen the other guy since obviously and never want to see him again.
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Old 04-04-2012, 10:52 AM   #28 (permalink)
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I wonder if you o nly want to work on your marriage now that you see the OM isn't leaving his wife.

Your post went from "We fell in love" several times to "I want to work on my marriage" to "I'm not sure things will change."
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Old 04-04-2012, 10:53 AM   #29 (permalink)
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Haven't seen the other guy since obviously and never want to see him again.
Don't you work with him? How does that work?
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Old 04-04-2012, 10:53 AM   #30 (permalink)
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Divorce your husband. You do nobody any favors by having your heart committed to another man.
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