CantSitStill

Wow I've read this same story so many times on here..If you aren't in love with your husband then stay alone, on your own. It is what it is. Don't give him false hope
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bandit.45

TAM is a triage for the maritally wounded.

They just keep coming and coming. It's tragic.

Gabriel

KittyKat - believe me, I know it's her fault. I am a BS!! I guess I made the leap from that to the next step of how to get to the root of why she cheated, and to see how they could fix it if they decided to reconcile. If I implied it was his fault, that was not my intention at all.

I just assumed everyone knew she was at fault already - and was moving on to the next phase of this. Skipped a couple of steps I guess.

Caprica_six

I in no way blame my husband for what happened. I chose to do what I have done, Im not proud of myself. I want to love him again but need to sort out the issues that lead me to cheat in the first place or well both end up miserable.

sunshinetoday

Does the other guys wife know? Because once (BS) she finds out, the OP (Caprica) may find out that her affair partner doesn't love her as much as she thinks.

This could help Caprica come out of the fog and look at her husband in a different light.

Really if the other mans wife has not been told, she needs to know.

CantSitStill

no matter what you already both are miserable..it doesn't go away now that you cheated
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Caprica_six

I would also like to point out that I have told my husband that Im not in love with him and that I want to be.

We both feel that we can work through this and make it work.

But it would seem most of you think I should give up and let him go find someone else.

I guess I don't want to do that. I dont want to be divorced at 24 without even trying.

Jellybeans

But did you also tell your husband you don't love him and that you're in love with the OM as you posted here???

Cause he needs to know that. Today.

Your own words:

I'm not in love with him

Caprica_six

yes, i have told him that. He knows this. I told him when we spoke about everything. He said he wanted to try and I explained that I did too but I was still in love with the other guy and I didnt know how I could switch those feelings right away.

Jellybeans

Also, you may want to get into counselling/therapy to find out why you did this to not only your marriage, but someone else's marriage and family.

That is major.

*

I guess I don't understand--if you say you don't love your husband and are in love with someone else, why do you want to stay married? it makes no frickin sense.

Caprica_six

Because I did love him, we both got lazy and stopped caring and I messed up. I wish I had tried to fix things before i dont something stupid but I didn't.

I know we can be fantastic together because we have been in the past. We just have to work to get back there. I hope

Jellybeans

Caprica--you need to block the OM from your FB (and phone and email, etc). Does he know your husband knows? Did you husband say anything to him?

bandit.45

Going full no contact with the OM is the only way to fall out of love with him and out of the fog you are in. No texts, no calls, no nothing.

You need to quit your job, this week.

If you and your husband have are going to have a go at it, then you need to be 100% transparent to your husband in every way. You need to stop avoiding conflict and uncomfortable talks with your husband. Men are not psychic, and we cannot "read" women to know what they want.

It sounds to me like you never brought your true concerns or feelings to him back before the affair. Thus you never gave him the opportunity to work on the problems in the marriage and show you he could be the husband you needed him to be.

No, instead you hoped he would read your mind, and when he didn't you allowed your resentment to build a wall between the two of you, choking out the passion and love you had for him when you were newlyweds.

This avoidance behavior on your part has to stop! This is one thing that you must work on in counseling if you and your husband are ever to begin communicating.

Once communication between the two of you is restored, then the feelings will return. When the feelings return, the physical attraction should come back. But during all this, you will have the additional burden of dealing with his anger and his triggers, and it will take years before he ever gives you his trust again.

Are you strong enough to stick it out?

Jellybeans

Caprica--how long have you been married? How long has your relationship been with your husband?

You had an affair that lasted almost a year. That is a long time.

bandit.45

Caprica,

Excuse me if I'm dense, but does this mean the affair went physical?