Things within my marriage have been terrible for about a year. We've both been living separate lives in the same house. No sex, no intimacy. I love him. But it just isn't enough. We have had sex about 5 times in the past year. I always initiate, its very boring (I don't show that im bored) After i feel disgusting as he makes it seem like doing what we have done is just not nice. I love giving and receiving oral sex but he really isn't into that and i love foreplay but again he isn't into it.
7 months ago I started a new job and met an older man, he's 44 and married. We got on really well. spent every night talking on facebook which eventually moved onto text and phone calls. We spoke about the problems within each of our marriages and just connected. The conversations moved from friendly advice to getting each other off, telling each other exactly what we wanted to do to each other.
One night we let it happen, we swore it would never happen again. But it did, for months, we fell in love.
He has been married for 20 years and has two kids, he's never cheated on his wife before and feels horrible for what he has done, but we fell in love. It got to the stage that the sex wasn't even that important. It was still there and still very passionate, but it was more about the spending time together.
On Sunday my husband hacked my facebook account and read the messages between the other guy and I. I delete them every week but he read a part where i told the other guy that I loved him and that I wasn't in love with my husband any more.
My husband left and has been really good, he's living at his parents but has been here every day since to talk things through. we talked through all of our problems and agreed to give it another go, but slowly.
This is what I want 100%, but I'm not in love with him, my heart is breaking but not because of my husband, because of the other guy. Not being able to see him is killing me.
So i want to make things work with my husband, but i don't know first off how i get him to be more passionate in the bedroom and how i actually become attracted to him.
I don't know if its unfair of me to try again when i'm worried that our sex lives may ruin us again. Will I be miserable of the sex never changes? I'm only 24, do I want a life without that key part?
Should I just tell my husband that I love him but can't be with him (be selfish) OR do I try my hardest to be happy with him.
Even if i leave him, i could never be with the other guy, he is married and has kids and would never leave because he's too scared he'll lose his kids, which I completely understand.
The reason you don't want to leave your husband is because you know the other man doesn't love you enough to break it off with his family. He's in it for your p*ssy.
An act of decency would be coming clean to your husband. Your call, but I'm not holding my breath.
Things within my marriage have been terrible for about a year. We've both been living separate lives in the same house. No sex, no intimacy. I love him. But it just isn't enough. We have had sex about 5 times in the past year. I always initiate, its very boring (I don't show that im bored) After i feel disgusting as he makes it seem like doing what we have done is just not nice. I love giving and receiving oral sex but he really isn't into that and i love foreplay but again he isn't into it.
Mistake number 1: You are not honest and you are not communicating with you husband...Dont lie to him and pretend that everything is fine when its obvious that its not...you should have talked to your husband about your sex problems and try with MC so that you try and fix the problems in you bedroom and not to do the most cruel thing to someone that loves you - cheat on him...
7 months ago I started a new job and met an older man, he's 44 and married. We got on really well. spent every night talking on facebook which eventually moved onto text and phone calls. We spoke about the problems within each of our marriages and just connected. The conversations moved from friendly advice to getting each other off, telling each other exactly what we wanted to do to each other.
Mistake number 2: Never talk about you marriage problems with another man...this talk that you had with your AP you should have had with your husband...
One night we let it happen, we swore it would never happen again. But it did, for months, we fell in love.
Mistake number 3: If you want another man you first out of respect divorce your husband and then you go and have sex with another SINGLE man and not with an married man and so be a part in destroying two innocent childrens lifes because you are selfish...
You are not in love...thats the affair fog and you are currently living in affair fantasy land...Later when this all is over and you are defoged you will realize how all this was stupid and how much pain you caused your husband and how much you damaged another family...
He has been married for 20 years and has two kids, he's never cheated on his wife before and feels horrible for what he has done, but we fell in love. It got to the stage that the sex wasn't even that important. It was still there and still very passionate, but it was more about the spending time together.
Yes they all say that they never cheated before...He is an experienced man that knows what to say to a vulnerable woman so that he can have her...He will say only great things about himself because he must make himself to be a great guy in your eyes and you stupidly fell for it...
On Sunday my husband hacked my facebook account and read the messages between the other guy and I. I delete them every week but he read a part where i told the other guy that I loved him and that I wasn't in love with my husband any more.
Respect your husband for once and tell him the truth...dont hide anything from him because he deserves to make his decision based on truth...
So i want to make things work with my husband, but i don't know first off how i get him to be more passionate in the bedroom and how i actually become attracted to him.
Communication honey...you and your husband must start communicating about your problems and not rug sweeping them.Start with an MC if you cant do it alone....If you invested half the time to talk to your husband that you invested to talk with your AP you would never be in an affair in the first place...
Even if i leave him, i could never be with the other guy, he is married and has kids and would never leave because he's too scared he'll lose his kids, which I completely understand.
The two of you already destroyed those innocent kids and their mother...When his family finds out and they will find out,they will be destroyed,nothing will be the same again...if they divorce the kids will be split/torn between two parents and if they stay together the kids will live in an home with a lot of screaming,fighting,etc...I hope this all was worth destroying two families ...
1. You are 24 and your OM is 44
2. Your OM is married and has 2 kids
3. From what you say, with your husband it has been romance and sex that has been lacking.
4. You have not discussed with your husband the issues.
5. Nor did you try counseling or any therapy.
You cheated and so is your OM.
What do you expect out of this? Fess up and take divorce. Look at the age gap between you and your OM.
Did you imagine the damage you both have done to your families?
Tell your husband what you did and divorce him. Give him everything in the agreement and take nothing. Then, stay single for a long, long time until you grow up and can actually be responsible enough to handle marriage. You are a child. Posted via Mobile Device
Some of you aren't reading the OPs post. Her husband already knows she cheated - he left and they have been talking through it. Telling her to "fess up" does no good - they've gotten there already.
What she does need to do is be honest about her feelings about their sex life. That advice is spot on.
Either 1) her husband isn't sexually attracted to her, 2) her husband masturbates regularly and doesn't have enough left for his wife, 3) he has a very low libido, or 4) her husband is gay
So he needs to tell her which of these four it is. No 26 year old man has sex with his wife 5 x in a year if one of these 4 isn't happening.
So to the OP - find out which it is. If you want the marriage to work, it starts there. And you will be lucky as hell if your husband really takes you back.
I think it's time to divorce your husband. You should of done this before the emotional affair took place. It's not fair to him what you did. This may create trust issues for him in the future.
This older man does not want a relationship with you, he only wants sex.
Work on yourself to make sure this doesn't happen with the next guy.
My ex cheated on me with several women and I knew it. I could never bring myself to his level and see other people until my divorce was final. I left him, divorced him myself. He now continues to cheat on his current wife, 3 times I'm aware of. She clearly knew he was married to me when he slept with her. I don't understand why she thought he wouldn't cheat on her.
He is on Facebook casting for fish and he found one.
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We work together, he is an engineer i am a project manager. He didn't go looking for this. we spent a lot of late nights in work and got on really well.
I also did try with my husband all of the advice i was given I took and tried to change things. I never went out looking for him and he never went out looking for me.
I have been completely honest with my husband, when he questioned me about it I didn't lie, i told him exactly what had happened. Whats the point in lying
I dont need people to tell me how horrible I am. I know this, I hate myself right now. My husband wants to work through this and come out the other end. I want that too, but I'm scared that the same problems will arise. I will never do what I have done again, but what sort of life is that for me and him. Doesn't he deserve someone who loves him for him and who isn't just staying with him because that's what he wants.
Either 1) her husband isn't sexually attracted to her, 2) her husband masturbates regularly and doesn't have enough left for his wife, 3) he has a very low libido, or 4) her husband is gay
Have you been honest with your husband about your sex life and how you feel? Until you resolve the issues that left you open to cheating, your reconciliation is not likely to work out for either of you. You say you won't do this again, but I'm pretty sure you didn't plan on doing it the first time.
What was your sex life like before you got married? Has it always been the way it is? Personally, I think you should think long and hard about whether the two of you are compatible in this fairly key area. If you're not, stating together just because he wants to is a pretty poor reason. Get out now before there's kids involved.
We work together, he is an engineer i am a project manager. He didn't go looking for this. we spent a lot of late nights in work and got on really well.
I also did try with my husband all of the advice i was given I took and tried to change things. I never went out looking for him and he never went out looking for me.
I have been completely honest with my husband, when he questioned me about it I didn't lie, i told him exactly what had happened. Whats the point in lying
I dont need people to tell me how horrible I am. I know this, I hate myself right now. My husband wants to work through this and come out the other end. I want that too, but I'm scared that the same problems will arise. I will never do what I have done again, but what sort of life is that for me and him. Doesn't he deserve someone who loves him for him and who isn't just staying with him because that's what he wants.
You are clearly in fog and I am sorry for that...Your husband is willing to give your marriage another chance but you are talking about leaving,and again you are taking the easy way out just like the first time with cheating instead on working hard to fix the problems in your marriage...
Marriage is not a fairy tale,thats something that you need to work on,its suposed to be for better or worse and not only for better and when its not good to go and cheat and crush the other person in your marriage...
Its easy to be selfish and find someone to cheat with,its easy to find a new realtionship but the hard thing is to keep the spark in an relationship for a long time and for that you need trust,honesty and respect and thats where you failed...
And I think no one said it before but you need to quit your job if you work with OM because you need to go NC with OM to be able to work with your husband on rebuilding your marriage...
My advice is to search until you find a good MC that can help you and your husband to recover from this,be transparent and stay away from the OM...
I don't think you're going to fix your marriage. You don't seem to actually want to - your words sounds like you are just going through the motions. On your current path, you with rationalize a reason why your husband is the one who made the marriage unfixable - and not your choice to cheat.
Tell you husband to contact your affair partners wife and let her know what a cheating jerk she is married too.
That way your OM can be honest with his wife and family about how he has chosen to betray them and stab his wife in the back.
then when she kicks his butt out the door, and sues him for every dime he has, you and he can move into a little cheap love shack together. It gets better though - when your 45 he'll be 65 so he'll be able to start collecting social security and the two of you can live off of that.
See, the problem is everything you wrote here is about "what you want, what you want" there isn't a single ounce of either remorse or regret. None. You don't feel at all bad that you've destroyed the marriage of another woman, who likely has 20 years invested in this guy. You have destroyed the family of two kids who won't be having family vacations with mom and dad and who won't have a grandma & grandpa's house to bring their kids over to visit.
You trashed another family when you chose to cheat with him. Yes, he bears responsibility too for this, but it takes two to tango.
You also trashed your own husbands faith and self-esteem. He will never be the same. Ever.
but there isn't any remorse in you for these acts. Instead your justifying your decision to have a cheap affair and cheat with complaints that your husband didn't have sex with you enough. Sorry, but did you actually seek out any kind of sex therapy or counseling before you walked away and had this ongoing affair?
Until you grow up enough to realize the horror and cost to others of your choices you will fail at any relationship because relationships require empathy.
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Im not married to the man I love 
Re: Im not married to the man I love 
