a bit background. I am from india and its been a year since I got married. It was an arranged marriage. Over the year, I have tried to be a very good husband. I have cared for her in every possible way that I thought is necessary and pampered her. but I always felt that Iam not on her mind. No matter whatever I did, I felt I got a bit of a cold shoulder. Even sex was not an indulging act from her. she always picks fights over trivial matters.
initially I thought, since it is an arranged marriage it takes love to blossom but few days back I found out the real reason. She had a love affair before marriage. she even eloped but her parents found her and got her back and probably threatened her into being submissive. they got her married and I was the scapegoat in this whole affair. a lot of details were hidden from me. I get so angry when I think of the deception. it all made sense why she is the way she is. she wants our marriage to fail so that she can be with the one she loves.
well, I intersected some mails between the two and came to know that they are planning to take off and disappear.
I have two options, I can inform her parents abt her plans and ruin it all for her but I dont think I can stay with her after all this. divorce is an option becoz I dont think I will be convinced that she will never meetup with this guy. This option is for pure self satisfaction becoz she has ruined my life and Iam just returning the favour.
option two, let her go becoz anyway I cannot stay with her. this way atleast the two will be happy and I anyway have to deal with humilation in society either way.
one more thing, recently my dad passed away and my family has still not come to terms with the loss. If I inform mom abt my wife case, she will get even more distressed so rite now I am just worried for my mom.
please help me out here. how do I approach this. shud I discuss it with her parents or within my own family first. I am not sure how to handle this. any suggestion is appreciated. thanks.
Also, wife is weakling. Iam afraid that the mere metion of her parents will cause her to take an extrem step like suicide becoz she is **** scared of them. thats another reason for thinking if I really shud inform her parents.
never understood why some people screw others life for personal gains. in my case, I will pay a big price. all this even after taking such good care of her.
I think her parents are at fault here. First save the evidence. Then tell her that you are divorcing her and that she is free to do what she chooses . Call the guy and arrange a pickup. Make it her responsibility to inform her parents what she is planning to do and kick her out. Get divorced as early as possible.
How old is your wife? You were the casuality for her parents stupid mistake.
You cannot make this woman love you. She has demonstrated that she is unwilling to be a proper wife and participate in the marriage.
So you need to ask yourself what would be more painful:
1) Divorce her and experience some temporary, albeit humiliating, public scorn, or:
2) Remain married to this unfaithful shrew and let her make the rest of your life miserable.
In America we have a saying: sometimes you have to "bite the bullet", meaning that there are times when you must experience a sharp, temporary pain in order to relieve yourself of a longer lasting, more debilitating pain.
@keko.. yes it is but wat do I gain from it all??I lose the wife either way..
It's apparent she isn't in love with you and will never be. Either divorce her right away or prove her adultery then divorce her. Being a cuckold is the highest of humiliation's.
wife is weakling. Iam afraid that the mere metion of her parents will cause her to take an extrem step like suicide becoz she is **** scared of them. thats another reason for thinking if I really shud inform her parents.
Wow..Is she financially independent? Also, does she know that you know?
@warlock07.. no she is not financially indepent but iam not sure of her lover's status.. nope she doesnt but of late Iam giving out hints becoz I am not able to contain it in me any longer..
Arun, first of all, it is good that you are reaching out to people and seeking advice and help. This is a really rough experience and you will need all the help you can get.
I too grew up in India and am quite familiar with social norms there. So, I may have something to offer.
While it is betrayal, your situation is slightly different in that she never really wanted to get married to you anyway and was coerced into it. You will still go through many of the same feelings and emotions betrayed spouses on this forum have been through.
She has not ruined your life. If you set aside the quaint Indian notion that you are now "tainted", you will realize that you have a long future ahead of you and plenty to look forward to. So, seize the day, and take the high road. LET HER GO.
Tell her first, that knowing what you know now, you don't intend to stay married to her, and will support her in getting with her lover. Tell your family next. Finally, tell her family.
You may feel a lot of anger right now. That is natural. But set it aside while communicating with others, because it doesn't do much good.
wife is weakling. Iam afraid that the mere metion of her parents will cause her to take an extrem step like suicide becoz she is **** scared of them. thats another reason for thinking if I really shud inform her parents.
but she isn't afraid to run and disappear with her lover.
You are having too much sympathy for a woman that has shown you zero love. She is responsible for the fallout from her behavior. Not you. A divorce would not be a bad idea regardless of if she meets up with her OM or not. She sounds like a rotten wife.
It is not your job to facilitate their relationship like another poster said. Out her publicly and divorce her. Let the chips fall where they may. Be happy there are no children complicating this. Be strong and forget this woman. She is supposed to be loyal to you not her OM. Don't fight to make her love you. Let her go and make her own her actions.
Arun, I am from india, from kerala. So is Kallan Pavithran. You need to spend time reading all the posts on this site. Secondly, screw society. And maybe others here wont understand it, but dont allow society to mold your well being. Expose her to her parents expose her to everyone cause in an arranged marriage, everyone has part and parcel in the decision, everyone is responsible, the burden shouldnt fall on your back. Grow a back bone and take control of your life. Detach and disconnect from her, let me tell u something man, when your in your death bed, you want your wife to be there, society wont be there, nor will all these other players include your family. Everyone bears blame, so follow all the advise on the forum, the 180, just detachment, everything here, let this be an instructional experience, expose her , and seperate and move forward with your life. What she does to herself, its her decision, you have no control over how she feels or reacts, plain and simple. Its just life man. Have faith and move forward to someone new,
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wife having affair with lover before marriage 
