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Coping with Infidelity Relationship recovery from the destructiveness of infidelity.

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Old 04-06-2012, 09:48 AM   #31 (permalink)
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Default Re: I am concerned my wife may have cheated

Guys do you think I could be worrying myself for no reason? I tend to do that. Part of me wants to let it go and she what shakes out but I think I will go insane.
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Old 04-06-2012, 09:49 AM   #32 (permalink)
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Default Re: I am concerned my wife may have cheated

Yeah, the ditching is kinda really bad. It means she was either hooking up, or drunk out of control with a stranger. Neither one is ok.
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Old 04-06-2012, 09:49 AM   #33 (permalink)
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Default Re: I am concerned my wife may have cheated

I have a sinking feeling.... could she have had an abortion?
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Old 04-06-2012, 09:50 AM   #34 (permalink)
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Default Re: I am concerned my wife may have cheated

My take is that she was hanging out with a guy that night - went to the diner with him, really, really drunk. Then they went back to her hotel lobby, as she said, got obnoxious, almost kicked out, and then she went upstairs and puked.

Just my guess - but I am thinking she didn't have sex with the guy, but she did spend several hours, wasted, with another man. She realizes it looks really bad, and at the same time has to cover her a**. So she covered her a** by reassuring her friends that she didn't have sex, but wanted the string deleted because it would look really bad to an outside observer.

If this is the case, she still was very inappropriate with another man. No married woman should be out drunk with some guy, even just for a meal. That's a date. That's a date with the real possibility of sex. If she wasn't sharing rooms with friends, they might have very well gone up and done the deed. But they had no privacy.

I realize none of this explains the bleeding. I don't think some guy being a "bigger" than her H is going to cause bleeding. Seems far-fetched. It very well could be a clot. Nonetheless, her behavior was innappropriate and these types of GNOs really should stop - she's shown she doesn't have proper boundaries with men.
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Old 04-06-2012, 09:50 AM   #35 (permalink)
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Default Re: I am concerned my wife may have cheated

A clot where? Like she passed a clot? How big?
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Old 04-06-2012, 09:54 AM   #36 (permalink)
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She can't have kids anymore due to the hystorectomy. A lot of complications with our last baby during birth. Please remember this appointment was already scheduled and on the books way before she went out.
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Old 04-06-2012, 09:54 AM   #37 (permalink)
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Default Re: I am concerned my wife may have cheated

In my case, my W affair was never discussed with her good friends. Why admit to this shameful behavior. In fact my W SOP was to meet a guy at the GNO then tell her friends I wanted her home, only to meet up with the OM with out any one knowing, even her closest of "real" friends.

Granted she had her "new" friends that i wasn't familur with, that enabled her ONS.

Just stay strong and do your research...quitely, do not ask her or tell her and stop accusing her. She will cool things off and wait awhile before she picks up her addiction again.

BTW it is my experience that GNO+bars+ latenights+ drinking=infidelity. For my fWW this was a constant with out variables, for many years.
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Old 04-06-2012, 09:56 AM   #38 (permalink)
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Default Re: I am concerned my wife may have cheated

Isn't it too early for abortion, bandit? ?

WorriedHusband, Yes, there is a chance that this is all innocent but based on the evidence, there is more than enough proof to be suspicious. So you are not suspicious without a reason. If you haven't done it already, please GPS and VAR her car. You need to very cautious and collect as much information as you can for some time. She will slip up sooner or later if she was cheating.

Did you have sex after the GNO?
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Old 04-06-2012, 09:59 AM   #39 (permalink)
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Default Re: I am concerned my wife may have cheated

Gabriel - I did have the same type of thought on that but it does not make it any better. I have always trusted her. She has reassured me I have nothing to worry about when I saw the FB pictures. She knows this week I have been off and I told her that my mind runs wild its just the way I am. I told her I want to trust you so even if you do somthing I might now agree with I would rather her let me know. I gave her a window to tell me and she did not say a word. THis just sucks so bad. I have been working from home all week to try and get more clues but she just seems like business as usual.
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Old 04-06-2012, 10:01 AM   #40 (permalink)
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Default Re: I am concerned my wife may have cheated

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Originally Posted by Halien View Post
That's my point, my friend. You are devastated, and this isn't the first situation where she was flirting. If you get tired of being devastated, you can tell her that her half-truths will be taken to mean that she is cheating, and you will remove yourself from a marriage where trust and mutual respect are not sacred. She can promise to end the flirting, girls night out, etc, and be an honest partner going forward, even if you don't dig in any more to this incident. Your gut already knows what happened anyway.

If she is willing to dig her heels in over a situation that was so blatantly questionable, and ask for divorce, isn't this telling you what your life will be like in the next 20 years if you do nothing? MC will change nothing if girls night out, with no accountablity, regardless of the suspician, can be set in stone as a right, or flirting with no pushback from her husband without fear of being punished by her attitude.

She can show you the Dx receipt from her doctor visit, if she is required. It will list procedures done, tests ordered. If she threw it away, she can get another. The "two weeks off" without sex just conveninetly covers the time needed to get results back on STD panels.
Halien, this is a nice post and all. But isn't there an incubation period regarding STDs? I mean, if she had sex Saturday night, tests on Monday wouldn't necessarily reveal anything would they? I know HIV for instance, takes months to show up on tests.
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Old 04-06-2012, 10:02 AM   #41 (permalink)
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Warlock no we did not have sex. She came home that morning with her firends and told me right away about the bleeding. I was very worried that something may be wrong and she was sick. I was glad she had a gyno appt scheduled.
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Old 04-06-2012, 10:04 AM   #42 (permalink)
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"The guy" - How do I sync her cell to my computer to pull out the deleted text. I read this was not possibel.
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Old 04-06-2012, 10:04 AM   #43 (permalink)
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Default Re: I am concerned my wife may have cheated

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Originally Posted by Worriedhusband3 View Post
She can't have kids anymore due to the hystorectomy. A lot of complications with our last baby during birth. Please remember this appointment was already scheduled and on the books way before she went out.
Whew!
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Old 04-06-2012, 10:06 AM   #44 (permalink)
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Default Re: I am concerned my wife may have cheated

After 13 years of my fWW GNO it all starts out innocent, but then it gets more addicting ( the attention from your guys) and the GNO start to happen on a nightly bases. Keep in mind 13 years a go my W just went out once a month with her friends. It starts to snow ball as the addiction gets stronger.

Its started with a kiss but 13 years later and 20 OM it snow balled.

Please heed my warning, her current behavior will increase unless you show her in black and white ( in my case I had color pictures) the reality she is blocking out.


She is creating a 2nd life style, a secret fantasy the even though it will cost her her marriage the chemicals in her brain that make feel the way she does when OM give attention is stronger then the consequencs she will recieve from you.

Act now (start the investigation) or be like me and wait 13 years, trust me its not worth the freedom you now have while she does her thing and you do yours.
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Old 04-06-2012, 10:07 AM   #45 (permalink)
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Default Re: I am concerned my wife may have cheated

So many red flags dude. Why are you afraid to confront because she'll change her passwords?

If she changes her passwords, it's because she's hiding something and you might as well just assume she's cheating.

By not confronting this kind of deceptive behavior, you already know she lied to you, you're setting yourself up to get manhandled.

Your plan is to stand behind the curtain and snoop instead of come in the open and confront.

If your wife can't be honest with you, then she's not the woman for you. She's being deceptive, sneaking around, putting herself in compromising positions. She may or may not have cheated that night (sounds like SOMETHING happened, at the least dinner out alone and "giggling" with a dude late at night). Regardless, she WILL cheat soon with this kind of attitude.

Stand up for yourself. Right now you're just stalling until you get the bomb dropped on you. Don't tolerate disrespectful behavior. If she's not remorseful about it, then you need to start preparing to end it.
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