Re: Fingers and Toes Crossed!!!
Just to be clear here, folks, I didn't call anybody names. Those were introduced by others. Also, in my post, I acknowledged in several ways that the husband is in the complete wrong here. Obviously, his actions lead to the current situation. There is no excuse for what he has done.
But, at the risk of being run over by the mob here, let me suggest that the relationship can only advance when forgiveness is present and tangible. Cantrustu gets all mollified when he calls/texts you multiple times a day. Next day, he forgets to kiss you goodbye, and it's a federal offense requiring yet another round of mea culpas from him to return to her good graces.
So, what is the statute of limitations here? Is it a day, a week, a year, a lifetime? How long should he pay for his mistakes in your eyes? If you can't forgive him, I totally understand. I don't think I would be able to forgive him either.
But if you can't forgive him, you need to acknowledge that and let him go. The guy is doing what he can to repair the relationship after making a very serious mistake. And you're putting him up on the cross every time he falls short of your expectations. You're entitled to these feelings no doubt. But if you hold onto this resentment as tightly as you are, you'll be headed to divorce a couple of years down the line anyway. As much as you resent him now, he'll come to resent you if you continue to treat him in this manner.
So, question you have to ask yourself is this: Do you want to stay married or do you want to punish him for hurting you. If you really want to stay married, a tiny bit of empathy and acknowledgement of his efforts (after a horrendous mistake) would go a long way. Alternatively, if you want to be divorced two years from now, just keep doing what you're doing. You're on a great path!