Fingers and Toes Crossed!!!

sigma1299 · 05-16-2012, 10:53 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ingalls

My problem is I want him to tell his parents on his own conscience without me asking. Otherwise i feel like its a punishment. It would prove to me true remorse on his part vs his "robot" promises and responses to my needs. Make sense?
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Makes perfect sense. Unfortunately reconciliation is ofter far from perfect. When I outed myself I did it of my own volition - I wasn't asked by my wife to do so - I knew it was something that needed to happen. Not everyone sees that so clearly, and many that do can't muster the fortitude to walk themselves to gallows. While not ideal, if you explain to him what and why you need him to do and then leave the ball in his court maybe he will see the light and do it without your having to issue a demand.

canttrustu · 05-16-2012, 10:54 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ingalls

I have so many thoughts and things to say that my head his spinning! I'm actually jealous Ur H was sensitive enough to do that on his own. But also happy for you

i am very close to my inlaws and have a lot of respect. They are the "calm" in my life. My family is very loud social and events every other weekend.... wow they are the complete opposite religious and very grounded. Even though we see each other about once a year due to distance and busy lives we talk weakly and she just said to me a couple of weeks ago "you've lost the wind in your sail." I bawled like a baby and she said its because your daughter is leaving. I wanted to say no I'm actually excited for that -its your son that has hurt me! But i didn't. My point: I think it would hurt her. I don't want to do that! AND at the same time i want her to know incase we do split! We I'm crazy confused!! Ha

MC isn't again until next week. BUT he told MC no bars with brother in law and he did! So.....
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As much as I hate this- it may be time for consequences..

Ingalls · 05-16-2012, 11:46 AM

Thanks...both of you i appreciate your listening and advice! They will fly here tonight and I will wait and see if my H tells them on his own and if not then after a couple of days talk to him about it after we go to bed in private.
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canttrustu · 05-18-2012, 10:35 AM

So yesterday was a really good day! He got his stitches out. He is starting to feel much better...BOW CHICA WOW WOW

Anyway, we've had lots and lots of talks. Most good, a couple of them have been rough. One in particular was rough. Its the part that bothers me most. How quickly he jumped in with her and that he thought he loved her...ouch. He knows now that it was all the fog but its still painful to me(and to him). Im thinking some of that hysterical bonding is starting.

My wedding ring is back on. I said I thought it might be time to put it back on-NO ONE has EVER moved that fast. He had it out and on my finger so fast with the biggest smile.

One day at a time. Its most definately a roller coaster at times but I think the mending has begun. I said "I love you" twice. Both times he was very effected to say the least. It was a bit uncomfortable(still feel the need to protect myself some) but it was right(thanks Sig)

I think we have communicated, real feelings, more in the last week or two than we have in 16yrs. Its amazing what you can learn about someone 16yrs into a relationship. Alot more has happened(too personal to put on TAM, but mostly GOOD) It will suffice to say Im starting to see my H again and not the stranger that took over his mind.

strugglinghusband · 05-18-2012, 11:45 AM

Hip Hip Hooray, Hip hip HOOOOOOORAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!
Good for you and have a kick ass weekend!

Thorburn · 05-18-2012, 12:03 PM

Great news. Pray it continues and it sounds very good.

sigma1299 · 05-18-2012, 05:02 PM

AWESOMENESS!!!! So glad you put your ring back on - that had to do wonders for your H.

Y'all have a great weekend!!!!

better than before · 05-18-2012, 05:40 PM

So happy for you!! That is so good; have a great weekend

)
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canttrustu · 05-18-2012, 06:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sigma1299

AWESOMENESS!!!! So glad you put your ring back on - that had to do wonders for your H.

Y'all have a great weekend!!!!

It did.I thougt he was break something getting to the jewelry box that fast! It was so sweet. I really wasnt aware that it was bothering him so much-guess it was. He said "how about I never do this again and in return you never take this off again" ....perfect. My hand is much prettier with it.

canttrustu · 05-18-2012, 06:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by better than before

So happy for you!! That is so good; have a great weekend

)
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Yep. You guys have helped alot. Thanks sooo much. Have a great weekend too.

DownUnder · 05-19-2012, 03:20 AM

I can't even begin to describe how happy i am for you!

I hope your R will go smoothly from now on

canttrustu · 05-19-2012, 09:11 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DownUnder

I can't even begin to describe how happy i am for you!

I hope your R will go smoothly from now on

I have my doubts about 'smoothly' but as long as R continues thats what matters. Up and downs are gonna happen. Thats why I have you guys to whine to and help talk me thru it when we're having a rough time.

Affaircare · 05-19-2012, 04:25 PM

YAAAAAAAAAAY! Oh it's so nice to hear some good news for a change!

Huzzah for you and stb-FWH!!

Now I have an idea for you that I'm hoping you two will love. If the symbolism of the wedding rings means something to him, and it sounds like it does, may I suggest that you two buy each other new, matching wedding rings. If people ask, you can easily say it was just an "upgrade" but the two of you will know that they are NEW symbols of the new marriage you're building together.

Plus...shopping for rings is fun!

canttrustu · 05-19-2012, 05:35 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Affaircare

YAAAAAAAAAAY! Oh it's so nice to hear some good news for a change!

Huzzah for you and stb-FWH!!

Now I have an idea for you that I'm hoping you two will love. If the symbolism of the wedding rings means something to him, and it sounds like it does, may I suggest that you two buy each other new, matching wedding rings. If people ask, you can easily say it was just an "upgrade" but the two of you will know that they are NEW symbols of the new marriage you're building together.

Plus...shopping for rings is fun!

He had ALREADY mentioned this idea. He said he figured I had 'earned' an upgrade. I dont really see it a 'earning' an 'upgrade' but just a symbol(just as you said) that we are still here and together and fighting for our marriage everyday b/c its what we BOTH want.

I know its not gonna be all rainbows and puppy dogs for sure. There are still ups and downs-sometimes daily but i have made the choice to STAY because I think he is remorseful. And because I think we can come out better than we were before. I will NEVER be happy this happened but Im trying not to let it have been in vain.

canttrustu · 05-20-2012, 09:28 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Affaircare

YAAAAAAAAAAY! Oh it's so nice to hear some good news for a change!

Huzzah for you and stb-FWH!!

Now I have an idea for you that I'm hoping you two will love. If the symbolism of the wedding rings means something to him, and it sounds like it does, may I suggest that you two buy each other new, matching wedding rings. If people ask, you can easily say it was just an "upgrade" but the two of you will know that they are NEW symbols of the new marriage you're building together.

Plus...shopping for rings is fun!

AND Fwh sounds like music to my ears....I would never have believed that a year ago. Wow, how things change.