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Coping with Infidelity Relationship recovery from the destructiveness of infidelity.

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Old 04-17-2012, 06:16 AM   #46 (permalink)
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Default Re: Fingers and Toes Crossed!!!

Any news?
I'm in a similar situation. My H still works with his AP so I know what you are going through.
Good luck
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Old 04-17-2012, 07:41 AM   #47 (permalink)
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Default Re: Fingers and Toes Crossed!!!

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Any news?
I'm in a similar situation. My H still works with his AP so I know what you are going through.
Good luck
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Is he looking for a new job? Does he have contact w/her?
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Old 04-17-2012, 11:17 AM   #48 (permalink)
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Default Re: Fingers and Toes Crossed!!!

So yesterday OW called(totally work related) but OMG what a TRIGGER! He took the call in front of me so as to leave no doubt(he has no choice but to answer if/when she calls, she's the boss). Worst part....he hung up said "that was_____". ANd went right on like no big flipping deal! He was annoyed but had NO concern for the fact that it may have driven me NUTS!!! He simply doesnt really get the misery here. Yes it was full transparency. But what about the compassion and the reassurance??? None. I think he was too busy with his own discomfort in having to speak to her in my presence. Understandable. But at some point it would have hit me(if I were in his position) that it would cause him pain...

If he doesnt get the heck outta there Im gonna go nuts.

Last edited by canttrustu; 04-17-2012 at 11:22 AM.
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Old 04-17-2012, 11:42 AM   #49 (permalink)
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Is he looking for a new job? Does he have contact w/her?
No he's not looking at the moment not many teaching positions around at the moment.
Yes he has contact with her as in he works in the same building but he says he hasn't spoken to her since the A ended.
It's really tough. ESP as we had a false R last year. But I'm as sure as I possibly can be that's it's over but I've had a bad day today.
Needed done comfort, and for the first time in 3 weeks he was a little ''off' with me. I know I'm feeling sensitive at the moment but I just wonder sometimes if it's worth the struggle.
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Old 04-17-2012, 11:59 AM   #50 (permalink)
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Default Re: Fingers and Toes Crossed!!!

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No he's not looking at the moment not many teaching positions around at the moment.
Yes he has contact with her as in he works in the same building but he says he hasn't spoken to her since the A ended.
It's really tough. ESP as we had a false R last year. But I'm as sure as I possibly can be that's it's over but I've had a bad day today.
Needed done comfort, and for the first time in 3 weeks he was a little ''off' with me. I know I'm feeling sensitive at the moment but I just wonder sometimes if it's worth the struggle.
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I understand Daisy. He should have a NC letter if he isnt REQUIRED to have interaction w/her. If my H wasnt REQUIRED and he ever had ANYTHING to do w/her again, it would be over.

Is he transparent w/his phone and computer and time and whearabouts? Has he put in for a transfer to a different school perhaps?
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Old 04-17-2012, 12:31 PM   #51 (permalink)
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Yes he's transparent with everything. I have full access to his phone and itemised bill. He doesnt use the pc much and doesn't have an FB account.
We spend all our time together when he isn't in work apart from the odd ocassion when he walks the dogs alone.
During his MLC and A He shut down emotionally from me completely. Now he is transparent about his feelings and wants to talk about us and our marriage, the future, the A etc etc.
I know it's over. But when you've been hurt so deep it's very difficult to relax and let it go completely.
The work situation doesn't help at all so if it doesn't improve then we will have to look into him transferring or moving jobs.
We were hoping the OW wld leave, she had a crazy couple of days after H finished it and she was off work for 3 weeks. But she's just come back. Good thing though I've got a couple of friends on the inside keeping an eye on the situation for me too.
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Last edited by daisygirl 41; 04-17-2012 at 12:35 PM.
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Old 04-17-2012, 02:25 PM   #52 (permalink)
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So yesterday OW called(totally work related) but OMG what a TRIGGER! He took the call in front of me so as to leave no doubt(he has no choice but to answer if/when she calls, she's the boss). Worst part....he hung up said "that was_____". ANd went right on like no big flipping deal! He was annoyed but had NO concern for the fact that it may have driven me NUTS!!! He simply doesnt really get the misery here. Yes it was full transparency. But what about the compassion and the reassurance??? None. I think he was too busy with his own discomfort in having to speak to her in my presence. Understandable. But at some point it would have hit me(if I were in his position) that it would cause him pain...

If he doesnt get the heck outta there Im gonna go nuts.
This is why I was concerned about him still working there. I truly hope he gets that job. But at some point you and he really need to question whether you can really reconcile with him still working under her. I'm so sorry you're going through this.
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Old 04-17-2012, 02:28 PM   #53 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by daisygirl 41 View Post
Yes he's transparent with everything. I have full access to his phone and itemised bill. He doesnt use the pc much and doesn't have an FB account.
We spend all our time together when he isn't in work apart from the odd ocassion when he walks the dogs alone.
During his MLC and A He shut down emotionally from me completely. Now he is transparent about his feelings and wants to talk about us and our marriage, the future, the A etc etc.
I know it's over. But when you've been hurt so deep it's very difficult to relax and let it go completely.
The work situation doesn't help at all so if it doesn't improve then we will have to look into him transferring or moving jobs.
We were hoping the OW wld leave, she had a crazy couple of days after H finished it and she was off work for 3 weeks. But she's just come back. Good thing though I've got a couple of friends on the inside keeping an eye on the situation for me too.
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I'm glad you can talk to some people on the inside to verify NC. But that still has to hard on you and him. I hope he starts looking for a new job soon. I'd rather be poor and working at McDonald's than give up what I have with Morrigan.
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Old 04-17-2012, 02:37 PM   #54 (permalink)
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Default Re: Fingers and Toes Crossed!!!

I agree Beo. I'm going to give it a few weeks but if the work situation is still causing problems then he will have to find another job.
I'm hoping she might crack though and leave. From what I hear from my 'insiders' she is very unstable and was crying most if the day yesterday. They work in a very stressful environment with kids with severe behaviour difficulties. It's a small school and I am friendly with a number of staff there, and they have all turned their backs on her. I'm hoping the pressure of it all will encourage her to leave!

Sorry for hijacking op
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Old 04-17-2012, 02:53 PM   #55 (permalink)
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This is why I was concerned about him still working there. I truly hope he gets that job. But at some point you and he really need to question whether you can really reconcile with him still working under her. I'm so sorry you're going through this.
Agreed. At some point Im gonna be at my limit, no doubt. I did tell him today about his demeanor yesterday when she called. I told him that it felt like he was more concerned with his own annoyance than with any effect it would have on me. That it's bothersome that it seems to not occur to him that this sh*t is miserable to me. Her in my face-email and phone calls etc- is compounding my agony. Salt in the wound if you will. Her contact info has to be in his phone(work), her email address is in there and on his computer(work) but just seeing her name is miserable. Our agreement is that he tells me of ANY/ALL contact they have no matter what the content. That keeps him transparent but keeps me triggering, ya know. He said he was sorry and that he was self centered about it. THat he was annoyed that she called unneccissarily. She had already emailed twice about the subject. So he was irritated. But that he should have been more sensitive.

I'd rather trigger w/a sense that he is being open and honest than have fewer triggers(have him not tell me of contact) and close off his honesty. It has taken alot of work to get this open communication, if it means I gotta suffer more triggering for now, then thats what I gotta do(for now). Just more time in the bathroom floor in the middle of the night...

Last edited by canttrustu; 04-17-2012 at 05:23 PM.
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Old 04-17-2012, 04:42 PM   #56 (permalink)
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Default Re: Fingers and Toes Crossed!!!

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Agreed. At some point Im gonna be at my limit, no doubt. I did tell him today about his demeanor yesterday when she called. I told him that it felt like he was more concerned with his own annoyance than with any effect it would have on me. That it's bothersome that it seems to not occur to him that this sh*t is miserable to me. Her in my face-email and phone calls etc- is compounding my agony. Salt in the wound if you will. Her contact info has to be in his phone(work), her email address is in there and on his computer(work) but just seeing her name is miserable. Our agreement is that he tells me of ANY/ALL contact they have no matter what the content. That keeps him transparent but keeps me triggering, ya know.

I'd rather trigger w/a sense that he is being open and honest than have fewer triggers(have him not tell me of contact) and close off his honesty. It has taken alot of work to get this open communication, if it means I gotta suffer more triggering for now, then thats what I gotta do(for now). Just more time in the bathroom floor in the middle of the night...
when will your H hear back about the new job?
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Old 04-17-2012, 05:19 PM   #57 (permalink)
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when will your H hear back about the new job?
They said "the week of the 16th". Longest week....EVER! How's it going for you?
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Old 04-17-2012, 05:36 PM   #58 (permalink)
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They said "the week of the 16th". Longest week....EVER! How's it going for you?
Im gonna keep praying for you everyday until you hear back.

No changes on my end....still going to work everyday and trying not to think about anything to do with my H & the OW.

He still comes in every morning to pick up the kids and drop them off to school. Only saying hi when i see him in the morning and txting when it comes to stuff about the kids or other necessary stuff, thats as far as it goes.

Im still doing the 180. I haven't faltered on that, eventho i vent on TAM about how i feel and when i have my weak moments, i have not shown this to him at all.

In front of him im strong and im standing my ground......when im around him i show him that im indifference to him.

Oh btw, i just remembered that something weird has been happening....there has been a couple of occasion since my H moved out that the phone in our house rang and when i picked-up there was noone speaking on the line and then it was hang-up.

Yesterday my H took a day off work to spend with my daughter because it is school holiday. He left around 6.15pm and about 20mins after he left the phone rang again and noone spoke after i said 'hello?" a few times and then it was hang-up again.

I mentioned it to my friend and she thinks it could be the OW calling to check up on my H and my friend said the OW might be getting a bit insecure about my H spending time in my house or with the kids. I dont know for sure if that was really the OW on the phone but noone else calls me at my home and just hangs up...its very weird.
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Old 04-18-2012, 09:53 AM   #59 (permalink)
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So since they told him that if he hadn't heard back by Wednesday(today) he could call and check in, he did. They said "you are still the front runner, we plan to have an answer by Friday. Hang in there. We apologize that this has been such a lengthy process."

AAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!
Lengthy????that's an understatement. But we have no choice but to wait and whats another day or two at this point right? Just please keep those positive thoughts coming...You have NO idea how much we need this change.
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Old 04-18-2012, 09:55 AM   #60 (permalink)
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So since they told him that if he hadn't heard back by Wednesday(today) he could call and check in, he did. They said "you are still the front runner, we plan to have an answer by Friday. Hang in there. We apologize that this has been such a lengthy process."

AAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!
Lengthy????that's an understatement. But we have no choice but to wait and whats another day or two at this point right? Just please keep those positive thoughts coming...You have NO idea how much we need this change.
I haven't really commented before but since Beowulf is still sleeping I just wanted to tell you we're both pulling for you. {{{huggs}}}
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