Yes, but as you well know 'no contact' is impossible. I want to believe/trust him. I see him working hard but right now he is away from her per se. She is sending a few fishers already. He told me both times. I just have NO comfort level w/him required to communicate w/them. I think he wants to be faithful. Its just that I dont know how much strength he has to push through it on a daily basis with her in his face. I worry I may have to make him quit if he doesnt get this new job. I really hope it doesnt come to that.
this scared the crap out of me....i know that if my H ever comes out of his fog, the NC will probably be quite impossible too (quitting his job is not possible and looking for another job will take a while in this current job market where we are) and this is why im not sure if anything can be done.
Its cary and make me feel hopeless too. But then again seeing how much he is still deep inside the fog right now that is a BIG HUGE "IF" *sigh*
this scared the crap out of me....i know that if my H ever comes out of his fog, the NC will probably be quite impossible too (quitting his job is not possible and looking for another job will take a while in this current job market where we are) and this is why im not sure if anything can be done.
Its cary and make me feel hopeless too. But then again seeing how much he is still deep inside the fog right now that is a BIG HUGE "IF" *sigh*
He is doing quite well(the fog has lifted) Thank God! But he still works with her and thats no fun AT ALL.
He is doing quite well(the fog has lifted) Thank God! But he still works with her and thats no fun AT ALL.
That's what im afraid of CTU, and i will be in your exact position 'IF' my H ever get out of his fog....i can't imagine its easy for you, its will be MUCH harder to rebuilt trust in this case.
Im gonna be following your journey closely so that i can learn from you, what needs to be done to make it work and if its possible to have a sucessful R if the WS still see the AP at work.
Im rooting for you and your H tho.....keep going and i will be praying for you.
I was wondering if I'm still in the fog...My A was really short. I really have no desire to contact the person again, will luckily never run into him again, and after seeing my husband for the first time since D-Day, I'm painfully aware of how much I can hurt someone.
It's hard for me to face. But...I still don't hate my AP. I actually really hope that he gets his act together. Is that bad? Should I be wishing him ill will?
I don't think you are in the fog now. You weren't with the OM long enough to bond. But if you look at your first post you were still in the fog at that time. But you have perspective now. In many ways you are fortunate. Your head is clear enough that you can start rebuilding and working on your marriage right away.
actually the OM tried calling on valentines day..i did not pick up..called Calvin instantly, gave him his number and let him deal with him..which btw turned very ugly Posted via Mobile Device
Its funny. In chatting with calvin on here I can tell he is very loving toward you. Not weak but like he'd blow on lava to cool it just so you could walk up the volcano. But he also strikes me as someone who would fiercely defend himself and his family against all obstacles and all odds. CSS I hope you realize what a truly rare husband you have there.
That's what im afraid of CTU, and i will be in your exact position 'IF' my H ever get out of his fog....i can't imagine its easy for you, its will be MUCH harder to rebuilt trust in this case.
Im gonna be following your journey closely so that i can learn from you, what needs to be done to make it work and if its possible to have a sucessful R if the WS still see the AP at work.
Im rooting for you and your H tho.....keep going and i will be praying for you.
This is why we are all here. To learn from and support each other. I'm still learning and hopefully will never stop.
That's what im afraid of CTU, and i will be in your exact position 'IF' my H ever get out of his fog....i can't imagine its easy for you, its will be MUCH harder to rebuilt trust in this case.
Im gonna be following your journey closely so that i can learn from you, what needs to be done to make it work and if its possible to have a sucessful R if the WS still see the AP at work.
Im rooting for you and your H tho.....keep going and i will be praying for you.
DU,
PM if you want and tell me your story. I will help If I can. Im not that far along but Ive already learned ALOT.
Its funny. In chatting with calvin on here I can tell he is very loving toward you. Not weak but like he'd blow on lava to cool it just so you could walk up the volcano. But he also strikes me as someone who would fiercely defend himself and his family against all obstacles and all odds. CSS I hope you realize what a truly rare husband you have there.
When it comes to family Calvin is very very protective..boy could I tell you some stories about his sister a-hole ex boyfriends. He don't take any crap. Posted via Mobile Device
So today was the very first day that I have been able to talk freely to my WS about the A. without him being angry or deffensive or yelling.
I only said a few things about it, I still have along way to go before I get the whole truth, if thats even possible...
One question, what are the steps when coming out of the fog? Like is it a slow thing, or is it just boom thru back into reality.. You see, if there were steps into the A.. as been said, that its not like boom the affair starts, it is more like a process, and there are signs the BS should has seen, then is there signs or steps that the BS should see as the WS comes out of the fog?
I cant tell you this, I approached it very slowly today, did not get angry, I simply said, there is somthing I want to ask you but I dont want you to become angry I dont want to argue, I just feel that life is to short, and I want to be able to Freely decided what I want in my life based on the truth, I dont want to be lied to and be forced to live a life that I have been deceived into living, that isnt fair to me. I want to. I have the right to choose what path my life takes and I want it to be based on the truth..
I asked him just one question, just one.. I asked if there had been any contact with the Ap.. and was I shocked with his reaction to it, I have been so used to the angier, the yelling, the denying the arguments..but not this time. his response was:
No I have not, I dont want to, I love you, you are the one I want to be with.. I have been with you the whole time, I am only alone when I work, but I am working I can't do anything at work, I dont want to even if I could. I want her to be as far out of my life as I can get her. I told you I would tell you, I promise I will. He said, you can look thru my phone, then he said I know you Know I can delete stuff, but the records cant be deleted, so look up the phone records. Then he said, I will change phone numbers, if that will help you to feel better, I will do anything you want me to, I want to make this as easy on you as I can, just tell me what it is that will make you feel better.
I told him, I am not stupid you can have another phone, he said I promise I dont, tell me how to prove it to you? I am in love with you, I only want you with me, only you around me, only you in my life. I am not in love nor do I care about her, I never did....... he really let out more now than I have ever heard from him.. And I had just asked that one question..
But you Know what was weird, he doesnt know I come here no one does, but he was talking just really leting stuff out, the things I thout I would never hear from him,, and at one point in time he just said.. I dont know what was wrong with me, it was stupid.. Its like my brain had a thick fog around it... I cant explain it, but thats what it seemed like.. He looked at me and said, jesus reached for me and pulled me out of it...I was lost, I lost my way, I was going thru my life and my mind was ingulfed in a thick fog, jesus pulled me out.
I saw tears, I know he was being real at that moment I could just feel it... It was a very calm talk.. well he talked and I listened..
So, I hope this breakthru continues.. And I want to ask more questions and have honest answers.. thats why I am asking about the coming out of the fog..
He used to be very strong beleiver in Jesus, and he had lost that during the A.. And I was struggling with how he could, but I see it coming back to him stronger than it ever was.. I see his Faith becoming a strong guide in his life again.. I am so happy for that.
Now, I have to find away for me to get all this A behind us.. and me.
He talked awhile about it, not everything not some stuff that I have a deep need to know, I guess I will work on that.. But to have him to really Talk, and tell me some of the things I have so depretaly wantd to hear, and not just hear thru angier, but to hear it with sinsarity and love...
So today was the very first day that I have been able to talk freely to my WS about the A. without him being angry or deffensive or yelling.
I only said a few things about it, I still have along way to go before I get the whole truth, if thats even possible...
One question, what are the steps when coming out of the fog? Like is it a slow thing, or is it just boom thru back into reality.. You see, if there were steps into the A.. as been said, that its not like boom the affair starts, it is more like a process, and there are signs the BS should has seen, then is there signs or steps that the BS should see as the WS comes out of the fog?
I cant tell you this, I approached it very slowly today, did not get angry, I simply said, there is somthing I want to ask you but I dont want you to become angry I dont want to argue, I just feel that life is to short, and I want to be able to Freely decided what I want in my life based on the truth, I dont want to be lied to and be forced to live a life that I have been deceived into living, that isnt fair to me. I want to. I have the right to choose what path my life takes and I want it to be based on the truth..
I asked him just one question, just one.. I asked if there had been any contact with the Ap.. and was I shocked with his reaction to it, I have been so used to the angier, the yelling, the denying the arguments..but not this time. his response was:
No I have not, I dont want to, I love you, you are the one I want to be with.. I have been with you the whole time, I am only alone when I work, but I am working I can't do anything at work, I dont want to even if I could. I want her to be as far out of my life as I can get her. I told you I would tell you, I promise I will. He said, you can look thru my phone, then he said I know you Know I can delete stuff, but the records cant be deleted, so look up the phone records. Then he said, I will change phone numbers, if that will help you to feel better, I will do anything you want me to, I want to make this as easy on you as I can, just tell me what it is that will make you feel better.
I told him, I am not stupid you can have another phone, he said I promise I dont, tell me how to prove it to you? I am in love with you, I only want you with me, only you around me, only you in my life. I am not in love nor do I care about her, I never did....... he really let out more now than I have ever heard from him.. And I had just asked that one question..
But you Know what was weird, he doesnt know I come here no one does, but he was talking just really leting stuff out, the things I thout I would never hear from him,, and at one point in time he just said.. I dont know what was wrong with me, it was stupid.. Its like my brain had a thick fog around it... I cant explain it, but thats what it seemed like.. He looked at me and said, jesus reached for me and pulled me out of it...I was lost, I lost my way, I was going thru my life and my mind was ingulfed in a thick fog, jesus pulled me out.
I saw tears, I know he was being real at that moment I could just feel it... It was a very calm talk.. well he talked and I listened..
So, I hope this breakthru continues.. And I want to ask more questions and have honest answers.. thats why I am asking about the coming out of the fog..
He used to be very strong beleiver in Jesus, and he had lost that during the A.. And I was struggling with how he could, but I see it coming back to him stronger than it ever was.. I see his Faith becoming a strong guide in his life again.. I am so happy for that.
Now, I have to find away for me to get all this A behind us.. and me.
He talked awhile about it, not everything not some stuff that I have a deep need to know, I guess I will work on that.. But to have him to really Talk, and tell me some of the things I have so depretaly wantd to hear, and not just hear thru angier, but to hear it with sinsarity and love...
What do you all think?
It certainly sounds like he is coming out of it. It does sometimes take weeks to clear your head from the affair so he may not be totally "back" yet. Many times it takes an epiphany to break free. For my wife it was seeing me playing with our son. But even then her feelings were compromised for a while yet. It sounds like your husband had a religious epiphany. Those work well too. It may be that he felt weak and powerless against the effects of the fog and decided to send it to God as they say. The only advice I can offer is to watch his actions more than his words and keep working to rebuild a connection. I would be encouraged if I were you.
Sounds like he is getting there and he is seeing things more clearly..in time he should probably be telling you more and more, it is a process, doesn't happen all at once but he's getting there..Hey be proud of yourself for asking him nice and calm. Your demeanor helps him feel more comfortable to discuss it. Posted via Mobile Device
I want to be incouraged, I heard his words, seen his reactions, and felt that it was finally a ounce of truth coming from him...but I have been lied, and munipliated so much... well I even second guess what I felt in my heart.. If that makes any sense?
The thing is.. I MEANT what I said to him.. I have the right to choose for myself rather to continue with the marriage or not based of the truth. Not based of lies just so I am munipliated into staying in a the marriage out of his fear of loosing me.. I have the right to choose to continue or walk away. I didnt say I do to him based of mutiplations and lies. I freely chose to say I do to him out of love. I want our marriage to continue with me freely choosing to stay and that can only happen if I am told the truth and I choose to stay out of love. If he lies, then he isnt giving me the chance to freely love him and honestly move forward with our life.. I asked him if that is really how he wants our marriage to continue, him knowing that he muniplitaed me into staying and then how would he ever really know if I stayed out of love or was it because he lied so much and made me stay in a marriage that wasnt real anymore but he made it real by lies..would he honestly feel wonderful about our marriage years from now, would he never question that? I simply said, I have the right to choose to stay for love based of truth or stay because I was made to beleive lies where truth!!!
So you say watch his actions, as in what?
But, I have so many questions still, but how to proceed, do I space them out, ask all at once or just give some more time... But the I could tell that today was the fist honest answers I had gotten from him.... And I do feel that as he said, he had a deep fog. The thing is, he had no idea that there really is such thing as the Affair fog, he was trying to explain to me how he felt at the time, and he happened to explain it to me as if he had a thick fog, but jesus pulled him out.
I guess I should just breath a slight bit only a very tiny bit easier now that I have seen the tip of the iceburge??? But then again, I dont know, its been along painfull time in my life, so I question everything...
I wish I could put into words how much CSS means to me but I dont think there is anything proper in the English language to decribe how much I care for her.I'd do a cannonball into that lava with a smile on my face if it would keep her from any harm.
When I think about it,that would probably be easier than going through all this crap but I know it will never happen again and she is doing a fantastic job with both of us right now,she cares deeply.She's a good girl.
I've never had an adversary like the "fog" its one tough bastard.You cant hit it,beat it,shoot it or make it bleed.You have to outwit it and that is the bigest challenge I've ever had to face in my life.Thank God for this site and the people on it
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Re: Fog 
