If you have holidays planned, cancel them. Take your kids to a trip alone.
Tell her that this BT is unacceptable, and it's either you or him. (Yes I know you wouldn't).
Really, you are now like a shell-shocked soldier wandering on a minefield in front of all us here. We all know what you have to stop it, but you can't hear us.
Could you do me a favor? Go to the bathroom, stand in front of the mirror, and slap your face hard. Cause I can't do it for you from here. Come to your senses!