He had his wedding band on when he had his ONS. Since d-day neither of us have taken our rings off. But, it bothers me even looking at his ring. I think about it on his finger while he was with that ****. I have told him I want him to get a new ring. I was thinking it needed to be put on during a renewal of our vows, but I'm having issues with even that...
Basically, he told me he wanted to renew our vows back when he was trickle truthing me and still hadn't come completely clean yet. (There's still lots of doubt there I still don't know everything...) So, I no longer find much comfort in a renewal of the vows. I don't think I can take his renewal seriously. Sad, uh?
Regardless, it's becoming harder and harder to look at his ring. I think we're far away from renewing vows. I think he'd do it now, but I'm not at a place I can say I'd believe his words.
I'm wondering if I should just make him go ahead and get a new ring now? I feel like it needs to be blessed or something. Does that sound weird? I dunno. We don't belong to a church or anything. Or have it engraved with something like Forever faithful and honest. Am I being crazy? I wonder if he'd get mad if I told him I wanted it engraved with something like that.
I'm wondering if I should just make him go ahead and get a new ring now? I feel like it needs to be blessed or something. Does that sound weird? I dunno. We don't belong to a church or anything. Or have it engraved with something like Forever faithful and honest. Am I being crazy? I wonder if he'd get mad if I told him I wanted it engraved with something like that.
Why not, if it helps you. The engraving sounds a bit to much since he has proved he is capable of cheating while wearing a wedding ring.
While he is at it get him to buy you a huge diamond ring and gift it to you. The flashy ring can remind him of the monetary price of his deception and will be a constant reminder to him.
If you aren't ready then don't renew vows and don't get another ring. Vows and rings don't mean anything unless the committment and trust are there. Wait until it truly feels right to you. It doesn't matter how long that takes. You both need to heal first.
hurtingbadly,
I think you are wise to consider how you feel about all this vow renewal / new ring stuff. Under your circumstances that you've described, it smacks too much of mutual tattoos. We all know where that leads. Engraving the ring with 'forever' is not going to make it so, nor is some type of religious blessing.
Have you considered making him take the ring off until you are ready to give him a new one, in due time? The truth is, he is just as married whether he wears a ring or not, and you have to trust him just as much regardless. He can just tell people he's getting it resized or that you are getting a new one soon or whatever. It seems that the ring is a major trigger for you and preventing progress (if progress is justified).
If you aren't ready then don't renew vows and don't get another ring. Vows and rings don't mean anything unless the committment and trust are there. Wait until it truly feels right to you. It doesn't matter how long that takes. You both need to heal first.
I'm not sure I'll ever completely trust him or believe I have been given the full truth.
I hate his ring. I can't believe he wore it while having sex with a stranger. Yet, I'm afraid for him to go without one. Truth is, I have weighed staying versus leaving and neither look too good. I'm trying to come to a place I can live. The ring and vows are something I feel I need, but sadly I can't trust either.
He brought me flowers yesterday, we went Easter basket shopping for our kids, he kept trying to hold my hand. I dunno, maybe I need to try to make the best of what I've been given.
Basically, he told me he wanted to renew our vows back when he was trickle truthing me and still hadn't come completely clean yet. (There's still lots of doubt there I still don't know everything...) So, I no longer find much comfort in a renewal of the vows. I don't think I can take his renewal seriously. Sad, uh?
i wouldnt either, not at this time or as long as you even slightly feel this way.
Totally mean settle. I'm gonna be miserable either way. I'm in no position financially or emotionally to be on my own with our kids right now. I can let him try, but I feel I'm cursed for life with doubt. Sad way to live.
7Likes
His ring and renewal of vows... 
