I caught my wife cheating and waiting her to come home
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Coping with Infidelity Relationship recovery from the destructiveness of infidelity.

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Old 04-09-2012, 09:49 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Default I caught my wife cheating and waiting her to come home

Hi,
I already did a thread that I was thinking my wife have an emotional affair.

I installed a spy software in my wife phone and I got the answer.

Today I heard her telephone calls and tracked her with the gps and yes she cheated on me.

They went meet in a hotel for a sauna. During the time she was with this guy I called her and asked her where is she and she replied I am at work.

Anyway, there are a lot more in the phone calls.

Now I am waiting my wife to come home, how I am going to tackle her?

I am so down, without energy and feel calm. I feel so betrayed.
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Old 04-09-2012, 09:52 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: I caught my wife cheating and waiting her to come home

Sorry to hear Greg,

Did you print out your recordings?
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Old 04-09-2012, 09:54 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: I caught my wife cheating and waiting her to come home

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Sorry to hear Greg,

Did you print out your recordings?
yes everything is saved.

She dont know I know about this
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Old 04-09-2012, 09:55 AM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: I caught my wife cheating and waiting her to come home

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Originally Posted by GregPeters View Post
Hi,
I already did a thread that I was thinking my wife have an emotional affair.

I installed a spy software in my wife phone and I got the answer.

Today I heard her telephone calls and tracked her with the gps and yes she cheated on me.

They went meet in a hotel for a sauna. During the time she was with this guy I called her and asked her where is she and she replied I am at work.

Anyway, there are a lot more in the phone calls.

Now I am waiting my wife to come home, how I am going to tackle her?

I am so down, without energy and feel calm. I feel so betrayed.
You want to expose it ASAP.

Do you know the OM? Does he have a wife/gf? If he does find her and tell her.

Do they work together?

Do you have kids? If not then I suggest you drop a note saying simply "How could you? I'll gone for a few days, please do not try and contact me." and go dark on her. Leave, check into a hotel in nearby city, and go dark for a couple of days.

When you've gathered yourself then contact the OMW/GF and after that return home.
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Old 04-09-2012, 09:56 AM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: I caught my wife cheating and waiting her to come home

You can just lay it out in front of her and leave the room.

Just so you know at first she is going to deny, then once she realizes you have enough evidence she is going to shift the blame to you. For both dont listen to her and look free of emotions, cold as a mofo.

If you are sharing any financial instruments you might as well get her name removed.
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Old 04-09-2012, 10:02 AM   #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: I caught my wife cheating and waiting her to come home

Can you not confront her at the location? Throw her stuff on the lawn by the time she comes back
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Old 04-09-2012, 10:06 AM   #7 (permalink)
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Default Re: I caught my wife cheating and waiting her to come home

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Can you not confront her at the location? Throw her stuff on the lawn by the time she comes back
This would be THE perfect confrontation, might as well bust them with a camera.
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Old 04-09-2012, 10:17 AM   #8 (permalink)
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Default Re: I caught my wife cheating and waiting her to come home

Sorry Greg:
1. Get tested for STD's since you know this is not the first time.
2. See a lawyer immediately to understand your options.
3. Expose the affair to the OM's wife or girlfriend
4. Expose the affair to her family.
Your wife does not respect you or your marriage. If you do not respect yourself then who will? Good luck.
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Old 04-09-2012, 10:27 AM   #9 (permalink)
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Default Re: I caught my wife cheating and waiting her to come home

As advised

Quote:
You want to expose it ASAP. - YES

Do you know the OM? Does he have a wife/gf? If he does find her and tell her. - YES

Do they work together? -If yes expose to her coworkers and HR department
Can her parents, explain she is having an affair , no more. what is happening and ask for their help.

When you do speak to her. Do not reveal your source.

Have some evidence available including OM's name.

Be calm, keep a straight tone, do not threaten. Do not ask her why , she will lie. make statements only

Say your piece by making statements , your not negotiating your stating facts. Tell her she has one chance to save your marriage, and she has to prove it now.

If she stutters, denies, lies, or declines ignore her and step away. Do not leave her copies of the evidence. If she does any of these go dark on her and run the 180.

Then take the OM out, Facebook and any other way you can expose him for what he is.

Do you have time to get a VAR on you ? or activate the recording a IPhone or smartphone, test these first.

Do not be scared if she walks out, don't suggest she leaves , nor do you leave your home.

Last edited by Eli-Zor; 04-09-2012 at 10:35 AM.
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Old 04-09-2012, 10:28 AM   #10 (permalink)
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Default Re: I caught my wife cheating and waiting her to come home

I think you should kick her out. Even if you want reconciliation, she needs to earn her way back into the house.

And stand firm. Don't let her gaslight you. Don't let her tell you that she was meeting her insurance agent in a hotel hot tub. She is in the wrong.

Just keep your calm and stand up for yourself.
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Old 04-09-2012, 10:45 AM   #11 (permalink)
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Default Re: I caught my wife cheating and waiting her to come home

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Originally Posted by bryanp View Post
Sorry Greg:
1. Get tested for STD's since you know this is not the first time.
2. See a lawyer immediately to understand your options.
3. Expose the affair to the OM's wife or girlfriend
4. Expose the affair to her family.
Your wife does not respect you or your marriage. If you do not respect yourself then who will? Good luck.
Pretty good list to start with. Make sure you get yourself into IC as soon as you can. You did not mention are kids involved in this? If you try and save the marriage get into MC as soon as you can

Do not stop the tracking because even if she wants to R she will want to still talk with this POSM.
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Old 04-09-2012, 10:53 AM   #12 (permalink)
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Default Re: I caught my wife cheating and waiting her to come home

If she throws the he is just a friend, crap at you----or anything else,----Your answer to anything she says is

Married women do not go out and do anything of this sort with other men--single or married

She took vows, and if she doesn't wanna honor her vows, then she can get a D.

Do not let her back you down---in fact confront, present your evidence, and leave for an hour or two---do not argue with her, discuss, or give her a chance to deny

When you hit her like this, you must give her the impression, that for now, you are done with her,---tell her she can go live with her lover, and that he can support her

What you do and say, must be cold, calm, strong, and as I said before you must leave the impression, you will not allow/stand for this crap to be happening.

You will get plenty of other ideas from others, incorporate them all into what you do.
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Old 04-09-2012, 11:09 AM   #13 (permalink)
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Default Re: I caught my wife cheating and waiting her to come home

Welcome to the club, GP. If you take the time to read at least six different threads regarding cheating spouses here, you will soon be able to recognize just about ALL of the indicators used to deceive the dimwitted spouse. There are NO original ideas out there since the cheaters are so focused on doing their thing that they really have no time to give it any thought.
This is the resin that they most often overlook the contribution their spouse is already making to their comfortable lifestyle and never do until the time comes that it's no longer forthcoming.
Good Luck
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Old 04-09-2012, 11:15 AM   #14 (permalink)
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Default Re: I caught my wife cheating and waiting her to come home

You come off as timid in your posts. When you do this you must be strong, firm, and confident. You must be willing to lose your marriage in order to save it.

Start off by telling her you need to talk to her. Tell her how she acts in the next 15 minutes may determine whether or not you stay married or get divorced.

Tell your wife you love her, that you have always loved her, that you want to improve your marriage, that you want to improve as a husband, and you are willing to work on all of those things, otherwise you would not even be having this conversation.

Then, tell her you know she is cheating. Tell her you have evidence. Do not tell her what it is or how you got it. Tell her some of the details, so she knows that you know, but not all of them and not enough for her to figure out how you got the details.

Tell her she must choose, you or him. I know from your other thread that the other man is her business partner. If she chooses you, she must go no contact with him other than what is business-related. She must begin to extricate herself from that situation immediately, making plans for her or him to leave the business. She must account for her whereabouts 100 percent of the time. She must give you complete access to all her communication devices and accounts. Tell her if she refuses to meet your conditions, you will file for divorce. Then, if she fails to meet your conditions, do it. You can stop the divorce proceedings at any time if she later agrees to your conditions, but don't tell her that.

Most likely she will get mad at you, leave, and immediately contact him.

You must contact his wife or girlfriend and let her know what is going on. Tell her you have evidence, don't tell her how you got the evidence. You can give her details, but not enough that she will know how you got the details. Also contact her family and let them know she is having an affair and ask for their help in saving your marriage.

Most likely he will throw your wife under the bus and choose his wife, at which point your wife will come back, but angry and not yet willing to meet your conditions. You must insist your conditions are met or this thing will start right back up. Continue the divorce process until you are confident she is meeting your conditions willingly, not just begrudgingly.

If she chooses him, tell her to leave and go be with him. You do not leave your own house. She can leave if she wants. You do not leave.

You must be strong, firm, and confident. Calm. As emotionless as possible. You come across as timid and unsure of yourself in your posts, you will not be as effective if you come across that way when you confront.

Last edited by Will_Kane; 04-09-2012 at 11:21 AM.
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Old 04-09-2012, 11:24 AM   #15 (permalink)
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Default Re: I caught my wife cheating and waiting her to come home

What? Let him decide if he wants this marriage and his cheating wife back first. No R until he decides to take her back. It is not her option to decide.
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