In 2008 my wife admitted to having an emotional affair with co worker. She said they never kissed and that she ejoyed the conversations and they were just friends. I remeber watching her get ready for work and i knew their was more to it. The agreement was no contact and if he contacted her she was to tell me. My day came 3 years later when the OM now girlfriend came to my job and asked me what was going on with my wife and the OM. I told her i only knew them to be friends and thats it. She informed me that they indeed had sex and that my wife was interferrring in their relationship. Two days prior to this my wife told me that she had to go to talk to the OM to tell him to ask his girlfriend to back off. We argued because their was suppose to be no contact. His girlfriend also informed me that he gave my wife an alltimatium. When i made it home after hearing this news i was furious. I called my wife on the phone and told her what just happened. She said she would talk to me when i get home, so i left work and went stra8 home. When I walked through the door she had a very scared look on her face. I ask her did she did she have sex with him and all she could reply was "Are you going to hit me?" I never hit a woman in my life but she has seen me violent in other situations. We sat on the couch and I said talk and dont' lie. She said they slept together twice and that she went to his 4 times. She said that the sex was boring and only went back to see if it was better. I asked Her why she didnt come clean and she replied that our marriage was getting better and that she had put it behind us because we were doing so well.
What i dont understand is why did a completer stranger come to my job and tell me that my wife did if fact cheat. The girlfriend said she wanted to expose my wife.
my wife now has a new job and has no contact with the other man from what i know, but im always the last to know. I dont think she came all the way clean because the affair was 3yrs ago. In order for me to move on I want the truth and she says i know everything and that there isnt any more to talk about. Any advice!
Tell your wife that she has one more chance to come clean without any repercussions (you'll remain calm and not yell). If she tells you you know everything already, tell her you are scheduling a polygraph for her so you can be sure since she has deceived you for the past 3 years and you need to know all the details so you can put this to rest.
If she agrees to the poly, great! Schedule it and do it, regardless of what she says.
If she refuses the poly saying things like "don't you trust me?" then I think you have your answer
In 2008 my wife admitted to having an emotional affair with co worker. She said they never kissed and that she ejoyed the conversations and they were just friends. I remeber watching her get ready for work and i knew their was more to it. The agreement was no contact and if he contacted her she was to tell me. My day came 3 years later when the OM now girlfriend came to my job and asked me what was going on with my wife and the OM. I told her i only knew them to be friends and thats it. She informed me that they indeed had sex and that my wife was interferrring in their relationship. Two days prior to this my wife told me that she had to go to talk to the OM to tell him to ask his girlfriend to back off. We argued because their was suppose to be no contact. His girlfriend also informed me that he gave my wife an alltimatium. When i made it home after hearing this news i was furious. I called my wife on the phone and told her what just happened. She said she would talk to me when i get home, so i left work and went stra8 home. When I walked through the door she had a very scared look on her face. I ask her did she did she have sex with him and all she could reply was "Are you going to hit me?" I never hit a woman in my life but she has seen me violent in other situations. We sat on the couch and I said talk and dont' lie. She said they slept together twice and that she went to his 4 times. She said that the sex was boring and only went back to see if it was better. I asked Her why she didnt come clean and she replied that our marriage was getting better and that she had put it behind us because we were doing so well.
What i dont understand is why did a completer stranger come to my job and tell me that my wife did if fact cheat. The girlfriend said she wanted to expose my wife.
my wife now has a new job and has no contact with the other man from what i know, but im always the last to know. I dont think she came all the way clean because the affair was 3yrs ago. In order for me to move on I want the truth and she says i know everything and that there isnt any more to talk about. Any advice!
You know enough. Dump her. Move on with your life. She cheats and lies.
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I don't know why but I sense the affair was on going hence his girlfriend's confrontation, I don't buy your wife's excuse that she met the OM because she wanted her "to back off". I think that was the ultimatum meeting where he essentially dumped your wife. Either the girlfriend must've uncovered something recent that made her come to you or she was tying up all the loose ends for reconciliation with her partner. I doubt it stopped three years ago. Look up "trickle truth".
Where is the tip of the iceberg picture when you need it? Dude, you did not even get 5% of the truth.. I will bet my life savings on it. You are getting what is known as Trickle truth. Read the material and stories here. She had sex with him more than 2 times and it was going on all along. See if yoiu can get more information from the guy's gf. Tell her that she needs to get a polygraph(Watch her react to it). Insist of absolute honesty. What you will learn will absolutely destroy you. be prepared for that.
Check her call records. Also her mails during this time(though she might have deleted them by now. Check the sentItems and trash folders immediately). You are no where near the truth. Inform the HR of both the OM and her affair.
"The sex was boring so I had to go do it again to see if it was any better". What is wrong with this picture? Your wife is so lying to you. If you believe this then I have a bridge to sell you.
If you told your wife that you sex with a woman and it was boring, but you had to have sex with her again just to see if it could get better, what would you wife have said to you? She is playing you for a total fool.
1. Get tested for STD's
2. See an attorney to understand your options.
3. Expose the affair to her family.
4. She is clearly lying to you so you need to have her take a polygraph if you wish.
She clearly has no respect for you. If you do not respect yourself then who will?
I would venture to say that this affair has been going on for years. Sex 2 times? Try 200.
She is lying. Get an attorney and file for divorce. Tell her the only way you might stop the procedings is if she comes clean on everything. Right now she thinks she has you over a barrel. Take the control back from her and show her that you are fully willing to D her and walk away.
Also, do what Bryanp listed. Also, have her type up a No Contact letter to the OM and let you read it. If you are happy with it, have her send it and watch it when she does.
Expose the affair to her family before she goes and makes up lies about how it is all your fault, which she will do.
If she wants to reconcile, no more passwords on her e-mail, and her phone must be readily available for you to look at. Also, if you think she and the OM are taking the affair submarine, then buy a VAR (voice activated recorder) and tape it under the front seat of her car to catch her calls to him.
I don't know why but I sense the affair was on going hence his girlfriend's confrontation, I don't buy your wife's excuse that she met the OM because she wanted her "to back off". I think that was the ultimatum meeting where he essentially dumped your wife. Either the girlfriend must've uncovered something recent that made her come to you or she was tying up all the loose ends for reconciliation with her partner. I doubt it stopped three years ago. Look up "trickle truth".
I`d bet money Complexity is on the right track here.
It sounds to me like the OMG busted the OM in an affair with your wife and laid down the law.
Your wife probably got thrown under the bus or they are working on taking it underground.
The OMG is crafty though with the exposure to you the affair is pretty much a done deal.
You aren`t getting anything near the truth OP.
I myself wouldn`t waste another minute trying to get any more info now after the fact.
I`d just file for D and be done.
She has slept multiple times and will continue to do so. Not much you can do about it, if she can't keep her skirt down she will do it again.
Protect yourself financially and divorce her asap. In the mean time as other's said get tested for STD's, not only is she lying to you and treating you like a doormat, she is also putting your health at a very high risk. Do you want herpes? Because if you dont have it now, very soon you might.
Are there Kids Involved?
No - (find someone you trust)
Yes - How old is the youngest? - >18 - (find someone you trust)
Yes - How old is the youngest? - <18 - (that sucks)
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