You are right. We've been looking for another job for him. I will see how counseling goes but I'm not sure if I can handle this. I need sleep. Thanks again for listening. Posted via Mobile Device
Well my instincts were right again. I don't think there has been any physical contact but I intercepted an email where she said "I miss you" and he said "I know I'm sorry". I don't know what to do. Things have been going better than ever and he says it just happened today first time he responded to her. I told him before if he had contact w her it was over. I guess his "drug" was calling his name. So now I need to follow through. This SUCKS!!! Posted via Mobile Device
Well my instincts were right again. I don't think there has been any physical contact but I intercepted an email where she said "I miss you" and he said "I know I'm sorry". I don't know what to do. Things have been going better than ever and he says it just happened today first time he responded to her. I told him before if he had contact w her it was over. I guess his "drug" was calling his name. So now I need to follow through. This SUCKS!!! Posted via Mobile Device
What is his job situation; still dragging his feet? How has counseling been?
He does need some consequences. I can't recall if you told his family? Posted via Mobile Device
No. Didn't tell family because I'm embarrassed and they are not the nurturing kind. Counseling has been good unfortunately there has only been 3 sessions because the counselor travels here. Everything has been going great. Open communication-him volunteering when he sees her at work, he's been coming home and staying home every day at noon. He sent his resume to two places but they hired someone else. He is still looking. He's been loving, attentive, helpful. He hasn't been that in years. I really don't know if this is a one time email or not sounded like it from what I saw but I can never be sure and I don't believe him that it was. So I don't know if this warrants a boot out the door or not. It really could be just a slip. He did offer to follow up with an email telling her that he made a mistake and that he lives his wife and family and not to contact him again. I will watch over that of course. Posted via Mobile Device
Does he have a minister, priest, sibling, respected older relative you could expose the affair to? He needs someone to hold him accountable until he gets another job.
What is his response to you about answering her and doing it in an attentive way? What consequences did you give for breaking NC; filing D? Posted via Mobile Device
Does he have a minister, priest, sibling, respected older relative you could expose the affair to? He needs someone to hold him accountable until he gets another job.
What is his response to you about answering her and doing it in an attentive way? What consequences did you give for breaking NC; filing D? Posted via Mobile Device
His sister may be able to help. I will talk to her about it. As for his response, he said he was sorry and an idiot. He didn't know why he replied (which I don't believe). He said he knows he has really screwed it up and all of our work on repairing our relationship is probably ruined now. Yes my consequence was D. Posted via Mobile Device
His sister may be able to help. I will talk to her about it. As for his response, he said he was sorry and an idiot. He didn't know why he replied (which I don't believe). He said he knows he has really screwed it up and all of our work on repairing our relationship is probably ruined now. Yes my consequence was D. Posted via Mobile Device
I would try one more thing first, which is to sit down with his sister and he tells her in front of you. You ask her for help in supporting the marriage.
Instead of filing, visit a lawyer and get the paperwirk and leave it out for him to see. This is not a game; it is one last chance for him to prove himself. Threats of divorce do not work, but maybe exposing the A to his sister will wake him up.
You are in such a tough spot, staying home and your H still working with his AP and not having a counselor nearby.
Also, what if your counselor will do a telephone session? You need to discuss this setback.
Has your H read Not Just Friends yet? Posted via Mobile Device
I would try one more thing first, which is to sit down with his sister and he tells her in front of you. You ask her for help in supporting the marriage.
Instead of filing, visit a lawyer and get the paperwirk and leave it out for him to see. This is not a game; it is one last chance for him to prove himself. Threats of divorce do not work, but maybe exposing the A to his sister will wake him up.
You are in such a tough spot, staying home and your H still working with his AP and not having a counselor nearby.
Also, what if your counselor will do a telephone session? You need to discuss this setback.
Has your H read Not Just Friends yet? Posted via Mobile Device
I will try to contact our counselor. He has not read it yet. I'm still reading it. Thanks for the suggestion its very informative but I can't seem to find what to do in this situation.
Thank you for your advice. Posted via Mobile Device
Another NC letter is useless. If he sends another one he could easly tell aher at work you forced him. NC letter are supossed to be a milestine. He screwed up the first one.
Another thing is, asuming he really goes NC for a while, quit that job but OW keeps agresively fishing or goes bunnyboiler. In this you might need another NC, worded in a way you can get easyky a RO against her in case she keeps harrasing.
Has human resources at the workplace been notified? It doesn't always mean a termination but additional exposure might help don't you think? And frankly if you intend to continue R in the relationship he has to leave that job and now. Your marriage will not survive with him still working there. No delays, no I'm looking for another job. He needs to quit now.
Has human resources at the workplace been notified? It doesn't always mean a termination but additional exposure might help don't you think? And frankly if you intend to continue R in the relationship he has to leave that job and now. Your marriage will not survive with him still working there. No delays, no I'm looking for another job. He needs to quit now.
It's a religious college. They will not tolerate this and I have no job and we live in a small town where jobs are scarce. This would not be good if he stays OR goes. I don't know if I am going to R w him or not. Probably not. I feel he's made his choice. Even after all of the work we have done these last two months. Posted via Mobile Device
Another NC letter is useless. If he sends another one he could easly tell aher at work you forced him. NC letter are supossed to be a milestine. He screwed up the first one.
Another thing is, asuming he really goes NC for a while, quit that job but OW keeps agresively fishing or goes bunnyboiler. In this you might need another NC, worded in a way you can get easyky a RO against her in case she keeps harrasing.
Correct about the second NC letter. That was exactly what he said. Said its better to just keep looking for a job and not cave in again. She did email him this morning and he sent it to me. She said she was sorry for contacting him she just wanted him to know she was thinking about him and if he doesn't respond she won't bother him again. Only time will tell. Posted via Mobile Device
It's a religious college. They will not tolerate this and I have no job and we live in a small town where jobs are scarce. This would not be good if he stays OR goes. I don't know if I am going to R w him or not. Probably not. I feel he's made his choice. Even after all of the work we have done these last two months. Posted via Mobile Device
It takes two to reconcile. If he is not committed then you can't do anything about it. Fact is, as long as he is at that job the affair is continuing in one form or another. If I were you I'd rather live in a cardboard box and be on welfare than lose my family. You both need to make a choice. He quits his job, you both stick together and have less money or divorce now and let him pay child support. It really does come down to just that, right?
It takes two to reconcile. If he is not committed then you can't do anything about it. Fact is, as long as he is at that job the affair is continuing in one form or another. If I were you I'd rather live in a cardboard box and be on welfare than lose my family. You both need to make a choice. He quits his job, you both stick together and have less money or divorce now and let him pay child support. It really does come down to just that, right?
You are completely right and I feel the same way. Thank you. Posted via Mobile Device
It takes two to reconcile. If he is not committed then you can't do anything about it. Fact is, as long as he is at that job the affair is continuing in one form or another. If I were you I'd rather live in a cardboard box and be on welfare than lose my family. You both need to make a choice. He quits his job, you both stick together and have less money or divorce now and let him pay child support. It really does come down to just that, right?
Oh this is so hard! I haven't posted in a couple of weeks and I'm in the same place in many ways. I don't know how I missed your thread before but it's painful to read because I'm facing similar (but not all) circumstances. We have our second counseling session tomorrow night and I've just gone through a hefty two weeks of anger and find it hard to believe that they have as little contact as they do. (He reports to me if he even hears her voice in the hallway.) Even though he's looking for a new job it can't come soon enough and with each work day I find myself a little more withdrawn and doubtful.
The tough part is these folk on this forum know their stuff! And you want to be the exception but the reality is all of these stories and patterns are just so darn similar. I want so badly for your husband to snap out of it and do the hard work like iheartlife's has because one more success story is one more candle of hope. Boy I want your husband to GET IT! I'm rooting for YOU -- and your kids.
(Of course my, at times, overly suspicious mind wonders did the OW send that last email on purpose as a decoy..."if I don't hear back I won't bother you again" -- so he could say, "See, I haven't responded so its done". But the other side says, he's accounting for his time and trying to be transparent...Reality is as long as they work together (same goes for my sit) there can be no true reconciliation. It does suck. Ugh!) Posted via Mobile Device
35Likes
Re: Caught and still denying... 
