I am struggling to think clearly, so please forgive any typos / grammatical errors.
For many years, I have questioned my wifes faithfulness from early in our marriage. I have many reasons for this that I can get into when I am ready to write about it.
I have a child and I am the DAD. My child is getting ready to graduate high school so I have raised the child since birth. I will not give the gender of the child as I want to remain totally private while posting this.
Long story short. Early in our marriage I had many reason to believe my spouse was unfaithful. Dishonestly, lack of intimate relations, talking to other men on phone and lying about it, etc.
I have always wondered about my child being biologically mine. Now that my child is of legal age, I recently was able to obtain buccal swabs from her / him. I have the swabs in a very safe place and want to take a sample from myself and send both mine and my childs swabs in for paternity testing. THIS IS NOT FOR LEGAL PURPOSES, just for my own peace of mind. Furthermore, I think it is very important for everyone to know their genetic history.
So many times over the past 2+ decades I have put my head in the sand and lived in denial of the lies and actions of my wife. I am very angry at myself for not being more honest with MYSELF about the actions of my wife. Although I never had any proof of her infidelity, there was way too much smoke for there not to be a fire.
That being said, I have my childs samples, and obviously my samples can be readily obtained. I need to hide the fact that I am paying for this to be done to avoid and problems at home. My wife has access to our banking information and she knows normally how much cash I have in my wallet. I need ideas on how I can prevent her from finding out what I am paying to have done (the paternity test). It is difficult for me to think rationally while researching this subject.
If anyone can recommend a company to use, please let me know. It appears that these tests can be done for under 100.00.
Regardless of the outcome, I am the DAD! I will let my child graduate before letting her / him know if they are not biologically mine. I hope to goodness I am wrong about my instincts.
Are you sure you want the answer to that question? Are you sure your child can deal with it if the answer if you are not biologically their father?
Once you let that genie out of the bottle you can never put it back.
I am unsure if I would tell my child honestly. I hate the thought of the pain it would cause them.
I do want to know for myself though. Will not affect the love I have for my child. It will affect the relationship with my wife though, probably in a negative way, but I am entitled to the truth.
I am unsure if I would tell my child honestly. I hate the thought of the pain it would cause them.
I do want to know for myself though. Will not affect the love I have for my child. It will affect the relationship with my wife though, probably in a negative way, but I am entitled to the truth.
I agree, once you have the truth you can close the door or make a tough call . Posted via Mobile Device
Get a prepaid credit card using cash, and get the test done.
The problem as I see it is that even if the child is proven to be yours, it still doesn't prove your wife was faithful or not. If your trust is this badly broken, the test can't fix anything. It can only make it worse.
True, what if the kid is yours? Will you breathe easier? Will you still wonder? If anything it doesn't answer the main question - has your wife been faithful to you?
You can go to most major drug stores and purchase an over-the-county paternity test called the Identigene DNA Paternity Test for $29.99.
The kits contains cheek swabs, preservation containers for the swabs and concent forms.
You then mail the swabs to the lab with a money order or credit card info for $119; you get the results back within 3-5 days from when the lab receives the samples.
Since their is no chain of custody the results will not be accepted in court.
Be very sure you want to do this..........but I do have to say that the information could be very important to your child.
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I was adopted by the man who married my mother when I was 7 years old, he is my father, my dad, my pop, my mentor....I had and have every thing I needed from him; I have no father issues other than living up to his model with my kids, a high standard. I never had a need to search for and meet my biological father, nothing is missing, I have no holes in my heart.
Even if I wanted to I couldn't do the search for my biological father.....my mom swears she has no information and I believe her.....my mom had a wild and lost period in her early 20's.
My mom and my DAD just celebrated their 30th wedding anaversery!
Know I do have some MAJOR medical issues and it would be very very helpful to my doctors to know the medical history of my biological fathers family - but as stated have no info on them.
You are this adult child's dad......if you do this do it so they can have as complete (AND CORRECT) medical history as possible.
True, what if the kid is yours? Will you breathe easier? Will you still wonder? If anything it doesn't answer the main question - has your wife been faithful to you?
Excellent points.
I would be relieved to know for sure that my child is biologically mine.
I think she used to be unfaithful, never had a way to prove it, nor did she ever admit it. The only times she would admit her lies is when I had proof.
Do I think she is unfaithful now? No I do not. Would it change the dynamics of our marriage should I find out she had been unfaithful previously? Yes. I think I would be gone. Keeping a lie she could have admitted to me many times over nearly 2 decades would be a deal killer for me.
I would be relieved to know for sure that my child is biologically mine.
I think she used to be unfaithful, never had a way to prove it, nor did she ever admit it. The only times she would admit her lies is when I had proof.
Do I think she is unfaithful now? No I do not. Would it change the dynamics of our marriage should I find out she had been unfaithful previously? Yes. I think I would be gone. Keeping a lie she could have admitted to me many times over nearly 2 decades would be a deal killer for me.
That's my point. The paternity test can't prove she has been faithful to you. At best, it can prove she was unfaithful to you. But if the test comes back proving the child is yours, your limbo will continue.
Oh, sorry! I read that she DIDN'T know how much cash you had. Stash away $20 a week for the next 5 weeks; tell her you went out for lunch or something.or use Craigslist or something similar to get rid of some junk and make some cash.
Razor,
As someone who has been there, I can say that yes, it's going to by emotional. But I can also say that I needed it for peace of mine to quell the constantly recurring thoughts that I was having. (In my case they are both mine). If you know you need to do it, then do it. You already stated you are the dad. The suggestions about a pre-paid card are good ones. I suspect you need the knowledge to move forward in the the empty-nest phase of your life.
I must say that I find it interesting that women's groups are the primary opponent of automatic at birth DNA / Paternity testing on the ground of "privacy".
Razor,
As someone who has been there, I can say that yes, it's going to by emotional. But I can also say that I needed it for peace of mine to quell the constantly recurring thoughts that I was having. (In my case they are both mine). If you know you need to do it, then do it. You already stated you are the dad. The suggestions about a pre-paid card are good ones. I suspect you need the knowledge to move forward in the the empty-nest phase of your life.
I must say that I find it interesting that women's groups are the primary opponent of automatic at birth DNA / Paternity testing on the ground of "privacy".
Even though I'm a guy, I can understand why a women's group would be against those tests. The only people who are going to be "caught" by them are women. It's not going to catch any of the unfaithful new fathers.
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Paternity test information needed 
