Speaking as a former-WS, here's reality: You cheated! And part of your head *may* still be in semi-fog when you first come here. When BS's hear fog-talk they tend to be angry and belt ya one (or at least a good, solid 2x4 post).
I wish it were possible for more people to realize that if a WS posts here wanting to clear the fog, that a 2x4 or a 'boot to the head' isn't usually going to encourage rationality!
However, it's what is deserved! It's like when a WS says "If I give him/her all my passwords and email addresses it feels like I'm being spied on!" Yeah it does. And the reasonable consequence to choosing to be dishonest...is to endure feeling spied on SHOW honesty!
As you all know, my Dear Hubby is here (Tanelornpete), and he does read everything I write. I do not hold back what I really think and feel, because in my mind part of true recovery is being transparent (see through) enough to let your spouse SEE what you really think and feel. Thus, usually before anything is written here, we have already talked about it and he's fully aware. Again that's part of what a WS has to learn: that when something is NOT okay, you don't go talk to other people about it, you talk to your SPOUSE and the two of you work on it together, as a team, until you reach an agreement you can both live with. (Yes that participle is dangling but I'm feeling crazy today.)