TheGoodFight

I've actually asked my wife to come on here before and now she hates it because people jumped down her throat. I've thought about asking her to come back because I feel like I'm getting so much good information here and she isn't and we can't even talk about it.

Almostrecovered

there's a certain amount of pitchforks and torches involved when a wayward posts

I try to help those who want help but there are certain ones who do nothing but speak in fog and they drive you crazy

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Ingalls

I'm glad I got opinions first vs. just inviting him...based on my posts/fears/much needed advice I now realize the timing just isn't right yet. Someday we will be back to normal and re-evaluate it at that time. For now, it's just me

Beowulf

GF,

A WS has to survive the initial volley in order to get to the meat of the matter. Many fWS like my wife Morrigan do not post in threads a lot. Morrigan has been speaking to some new WS through PMs because she feels its a less emotionally tumultuous experience and very often allows them to get situated and feel more comfortable. If your wife wants to come back to TAM I'm sure Morrigan would be happy to talk to her and share experiences and make suggestions. TAM does not replace counseling but like AA or Alanon for alcoholics/loved ones it can be very therapeutic to hear from people who have already been there and done that.

CantSitStill

I do remember when I first posted as a WS..I felt like I was defending myself, then there were times I'd get really upset. Somehow I've made it past all that because I'm a little farther along and can face anything anyone says about me. What matters is what Calvin is thinking.
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Ingalls

That is so nice of you!!! I think you both are fortunate to have such strengths to work together and pull out of this. I'm sure it's up and down like for everyone so best of luck to you guys!

TheGoodFight

That would be great actually. I see other couples on here and I imagine the discussions that must go on at home about it. Maybe I'm just jealous but I wish we could have that.

Affaircare

Speaking as a former-WS, here's reality: You cheated! And part of your head *may* still be in semi-fog when you first come here. When BS's hear fog-talk they tend to be angry and belt ya one (or at least a good, solid 2x4 post).

I wish it were possible for more people to realize that if a WS posts here wanting to clear the fog, that a 2x4 or a 'boot to the head' isn't usually going to encourage rationality! However, it's what is deserved! It's like when a WS says "If I give him/her all my passwords and email addresses it feels like I'm being spied on!" Yeah it does. And the reasonable consequence to choosing to be dishonest...is to endure feeling spied on SHOW honesty!

As you all know, my Dear Hubby is here (Tanelornpete), and he does read everything I write. I do not hold back what I really think and feel, because in my mind part of true recovery is being transparent (see through) enough to let your spouse SEE what you really think and feel. Thus, usually before anything is written here, we have already talked about it and he's fully aware. Again that's part of what a WS has to learn: that when something is NOT okay, you don't go talk to other people about it, you talk to your SPOUSE and the two of you work on it together, as a team, until you reach an agreement you can both live with. (Yes that participle is dangling but I'm feeling crazy today.)

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Helping couples recover and reconcile after an affair or keep their marriages affair-free at Affaircare.

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notperfectanymore

Yup, tried to get hubby here too, even printed out a post for him to read (from Bigbadwolf)...nope...."we aren't like other couples, we have no kids, no money troubles, we are fine.."

I'm trying to save him from becoming THAT new poster...that comes here saying...I realize now what I should have done.." Nope, he has it all down....ugh.....

2nd_t!me iz_best

my exgf used to come here when we were together.
not sure if she is still around or not.
when we were together she used to say sometimes she should stop coming because it put thoughts in her head sometimes.

Beowulf

Dangling participle eh? Make sure you don't catch it on anything.

Sorry, I couldn't resist.

CantSitStill

What I don't understand is why everyone kept asking Calvin to get me on here..Am I like a mystery? lol It's weird how on most threads people advise the BS to not tell their WS about this site. Maybe I'm just special lol..kidding
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Conrad

What kind of thoughts?

All I ever heard her do was complain about porn.

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"Forgive or Re-Live"

-AFEH

2nd_t!me iz_best

having strong beliefs about something is complaining?

why?
because it doesnt go along with yours?

Beowulf

I think many times BS are advised to keep TAM private because they aren't sure about R or D. In calvin's case it was clear from the beginning that even though he was prepared to lose you if need be R was most definitely in his heart. So yes, you are special because you were so loved by calvin and because you inspired that kind of love from him. The hardest part of R is immediately following NC when the fog is still present. Its at that point that posters on TAM can try to help the WS clear their fog and make good decisions.